Sandalwood and Spring Wind
by Khrysalis
Summary: An elderly Sano accounts a tale kept locked away in his heart. A great loneliness, a magic journey, a secret legacy, and an encompassing love.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Shino.

My God, how long it's been since I thought her name to myself. Seeing it now, written down here, it brings me pain. Deep, old pain.

My Shino…

She was _mine_. Body, heart, mind, and soul. Never had I possessed anyone so completely, nor had anyone so completely possessed me. It was her lesson to me, one that I carried next to my heart the many years I had to live without her, that I could not take of her without giving half of myself in return. And it was a feeling of completeness unlike any I had ever known.

Not a night passes that I don't think of her. My mind has grown a bit softer as I get on with my years. It's hard for me to admit that, but it's as plain as the fact that the hand that clutches the pen is wrinkled and shot through with arthritis, that my eyesight is dim enough that I have to almost press my nose to the paper, and that my voice shakes with age as I bother Yahiko for more ink.

Yahiko… He's old now too. His hair long since turned the color of snow, his eyes dark and tired over bangs he never finds the time or inclination to cut. He still teaches the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu here at the dojo. I'm not certain whether it's odd or perfectly fitting that he is the one who passes on Jou-chan's legacy instead of Kaoru's own son. Maybe Kenji didn't have the head for teaching. Or maybe it just, as I said, seemed more "fitting" that Yahiko be the one. He seems...to have more pride in it.

I never really got the chance to know Kenji very well. I regret that. I also missed most of Yahiko's best years, out spending the days of our youth seeing what I could of the world. I regret that much more sharply. He'd turned into quite a fine young man, and a brilliant swordsman. I wish I could have seen him in his prime.

I wish for a great many things, but in the end I know things will continue regardless of me just as they always have.

This small dojo has meant so much to us. Its doors opened wide and offering a home to ones who might have otherwise never known what a home could really be. Even as I wandered from Japan, the Kamiya dojo remained the place, somewhere back in my thoughts where I didn't have to embarrass myself by dwelling on it, where if I went back there, they would take me in, anytime. Because it was "home." Because there were people who cared for me there.

Though now it's only Yahiko who'll miss me when I go.

He knows. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me sometimes. There will be moments when he opens his mouth as though to speak, then close it again, unable to make the words come.

Maybe something like, "Did you come home to die, Sano?"

And I guess the answer would be yes.

Winter's ending, and I'm thinking I might fade away some time in the spring. I've been living with ghosts the past two years since I've been back. Sleeping in Kenshin's old room. Sometimes it's almost like I can expect to walk outside and see him with his sleeves tied back, hanging out the wash to dry, or chopping logs or carrying in groceries or any of those other chores he spent most of his day doing.

Sometimes I get a sense of our Jou-chan as well, dwelling strongly between these walls.

I miss them.

Nostalgia's a funny thing… It's what made me decide to take up this pen, and fill these pages. That, and maybe another reason I can't really explain.

I never told anyone about Shino. I doubt anyone would have believed me anyway. It was…impossible. What happened was something that couldn't have really happened. I've spent my life since that point desperately hoping that it hadn't been just a really long, elaborate dream, something my mind forced me to believe when I was so desolate and lonely. Then sometimes I hoped that it was, because the loss of it was for a while more than I could bear. Easier to believe that it wasn't real. That I had just gone mad long ago, and getting old now is just an excuse for it.

But I can't believe that, not really.

She was real. I felt her, knew her. I breathed her, drank her. She smelled of sandalwood and spring wind. Purple lightning. I kissed the scars on her face, trying to heal the pain there. She was real. That place, the backwards mirror of my home, it was real too. I don't know how it was, but it _was_.

My fear…is that woman will be forgotten once I am gone.

When I finish this narrative and put it away, someone will find it when they go through my things after they put me in the ground. Yahiko most likely. Even he might think these are the foolish dreams of a crazy old man.

But he, and anyone else reading this will know Shino's name. Whether they believe she existed or not doesn't matter. In some form, she'd be remembered.

And that thought alone brings me comfort.


	2. Byakudan

_A birthday present for my cousin, who adores Sanosuke. I'm writing this focusing on her enjoyment. She's a hopeless romantic and a girl after Shakespeare's heart so…you've been warned._

_Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin was created by Nobuhiro Watsuki-sensei and also owned by Shueisha, Shonen Jump, and Sony Entertainment. I would say I'm just having fun, but not this time. This time I'm just as much a victim. I'm even actually chained to the keyboard, see? Steel chain and manacles._

* * *

The stars twinkle brightest to smile at the snow  
I'm so cold but right now I can't find home  
I know where I want to go, it's how to get there I don't know  
Old story, dusty old tome…

1  
Byakudan

"I am _not_ lost!"

I was lost. Very, thoroughly, completely lost.

"That town's around here somewhere."

I had no idea where the town was.

Five years since I left Japan, my sense of direction had not improved in the slightest. The thanks of the convoy I had been guarding still rang in my ears, and the money they'd paid me was in my pockets, but neither of those things did me any good if I couldn't find the town or shelter before the storm hit.

I glanced up through the canopy of trees at the churning sky, scowling. "You are _not_ going to rain on me!"

No sooner had the words left my mouth than the bottom fell out and I was drenched in an instant.

"Damn, damn, _damn_!"

I marched over to the thickest tree I could find and flipped my jacket over my head, figuring it would be best just to ride the storm out rather than losing what miserable bearings I had left. At least, I was still fairly certain the town was in this general vicinity.

Such was one of my first introductions to the Mongolia. So far, it hadn't been a very warm welcome.

In fact, it was a freezing and wet welcome, lined with the edges of my hunger. My stomach protested vehemently that my mind had just been telling stories of the exotic food we might have been sampling if I had just found the town the convoy had told me would be around here.

My jacket over my head, I jammed my hands beneath my underarms and huddled there. At least it was spring and not winter. A little spring storm wasn't going to kill me.

Hunger though, that was a different matter.

I sighed, my thoughts drifting back to Tokyo. The food at the Akabeko. The free meals I'd mooch off Jou-chan and Kenshin.

I wondered how those two were doing. Had they finally quit dancing around and got hitched? Yahiko, he'd be about, what? Fifteen, sixteen, something like that now?

I sighed again, gustily this time, stretching my muscles over a slight ache that settled in my chest. I knew I would miss them, but sometimes… Sometimes I just wanted to, you know, know how they were doing. If they were all right. Still happy, still safe. I hoped they missed me a little too. I liked to think that they did.

The world, I had come to realize, was a really big place. Big enough to swallow me up without a trace, which, at the time of my leaving, had been the general idea.

I just never expected to lose myself so quickly. I was having the time of my life, most of the time. But there were days, like today, when I wished I'd wake up in my little shack, back in Tokyo, with the Kamiya dojo and my friends only a stone's throw away...

So I had been a little lonely lately. I'd get over it. As soon as I found that town, I'd find a good game, enjoy some beer and some rowdy company. Maybe even the company of the feminine sort. Then the loneliness would fade back and I'd go on like always.

"I am _not_ going to get sentimental," I growled to myself.

But, nothing else in the universe was listening to me, so why should I bother to listen to myself? I missed my friends, damn it! And it wasn't just their faces I longed to see, it was the fact that it was getting difficult to remember what it was like to have someone be concerned for you. In this big, empty place, not one soul would give a vagabond like myself a second thought. But at home I could expect someone to quire over whether I was cold, or hungry, or if I'd like to stay the night, if my injuries were healing okay, or if I'd finally learned my lesson after drinking myself into a new level of hangover.

It's not like I wanted someone constantly worrying over me, but I just missed having someone to just...care. At all.

A sudden clap of thunder strong enough to shake the world almost made me jump three feet into the air from where I was sitting.

Shivering again, I pulled my sodden jacket more tightly around myself. "See?" I said to myself. "See what you get for getting all mushy? Now knock it off."

Still, being mostly exposed in a thunderstorm as violent as this one was turning out to be was an idea I didn't particularly relish. I peeked out from under my jacket to regard the height of the tree I had chosen for cover. It was pretty tall and thick…didn't lightning strike the tallest thing around first?

Thunder boomed again, and I winced.

Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all to get back up and try to find that town again. Much more pleasant to wait out a storm in an inn or standing under someone's porch instead of sitting in the mud hoping lightning wouldn't strike your tree.

I shrugged my jacket back on, deciding to give it one more try. I hoped that my poor sense of direction would at least help me find this tree again so I could backtrack if I lost my way again.

I actually did find the town, a five-minute walk away from where I had been sitting. Seeing the houses peeking up from below the muddy ridge I was trying to navigate, I swore colorfully into the rain. I couldn't believe that I had been about to spend the night in the rain with the town I had been looking for almost right on top of me!

Lightning flashed in the sky, illuminating the town, sprawled about the valley. It also brought my attention to a lonely little grave just at the bottom of the ledge.

I've seen graves before of course, but this one caught my eye because of the large lettering of the word "_Byakudan_" scrawled in the stone, large and wild enough for me to make out even in the rain-driven darkness.

_Byakudan_. I glanced around, wondering if I would see any trees that bore that name, but it was too dark to be sure. I shrugged tiredly and sauntered past the stone and into the town, seeking an inn. It was probably just someone's name, though I found that an odd spot for a headstone to be, there at the entrance of the town like that. Well. None of my business where these people buried their dead. Maybe there was some kind of interesting story to it.

It was just as I passed by the stone that I was struck by lightning. Or maybe it wasn't me, exactly, as much as the bolt striking the place between the stone and me. It didn't hurt, at least, not right away, but it was with great enough force to throw me back, and burst the tombstone apart!

It seemed to take forever to hit the ground, and to bounce upward slightly from the impact. I saw pieces of the stone fly everywhere. I closed by eyes as bits of stone rained down on me.

Then I must have passed out.

* * *

Someone was shaking me, speaking.

"Hey. Stop," I murmured, and the touch drew back.

I opened bleary eyes to too-bright sunlight. Lifting a hand to shield my eyes, I tried to sit up, only to be pressed back by the same gentle hands.

Irritated, I opened my eyes again and to my great shock, it was Kenshin who was kneeling over me! I still couldn't focus my eyesight, but there was no mistaking that blazing red hair.

"Kenshin?" I said, voice sounding hoarse and slurred. "What're you doing here?"

Kenshin cocked his head to one side, as if not certain how to answer. I tried to sit up again, slowly this time, shaking my head to clear it. "Ow… Kenshin? Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what are you doing here? Is Jou-chan with you? Wait a second, is she all right? Is everything okay at home?"

When he still didn't answer, I dug my knuckles into my eyes and rubbed furiously, then squinted back, trying to understand the reason for his silence.

I was struck dumb the instant my eyes cleared. This person before me was…not…Kenshin.

The first thing that I saw that made me realize there was something terribly wrong was the scar. There was a cross-shaped scar, but instead of being on the left cheek like it was supposed to be, the scar was misplaced on the right cheek. The hair was the same rich shade of red, and the eyes just as large and wide and violet. The same straight nose, same shade of skin, same shape of mouth…

But the face was even more rounded and gentle, the skin smaller-pored, the body even smaller and slimmer. A gentle swell at the chest. This wasn't Kenshin. I was looking at a woman. A woman who looked enough like Kenshin to be his twin.

I gaped like a fool, unable to even think. She stared back at me, amethyst eyes both wary and concerned. Her hair was loose over her face, partly concealing the pale scar on her cheek.

"Sir, are you all right?" she asked. Her voice was similar in texture to Kenshin's,though both higher and softer.

"Uh…I…wh-who…?"

She blinked. "I'm Shino. Himura Shino."

"H-Himura…Shin…o…?"

Then I passed out. Fell asleep. I did not faint. I was exhausted. Being struck by lightning takes a lot out of you. That's all. From my injuries, not my shock. You hear me? _Not_ a faint!

When I woke up again, it looked to be early afternoon. I was lying on my back, looking up at the swaying branches of a tree. I frowned at the flowers I saw on those branches. _Byakudan_… White sandalwood. Sandalwood flowers.

"What a weird dream," was my first though. "What the hell is this!" was my second as I sat up.

Nearly half of my upper body was bandaged. My right arm was neatly wrapped from the tips of my fingers to my shoulder. My chest to my abdomen were also wrapped with the same clean, white strips. Curious and confused, I grasped the end of one of the strips on my hand, planning to pull it apart to see if I was injured and how badly.

"Please don't do that!"

I jumped, startled, and my bladder almost turned almost weaker than I could control it at the sight of…of this "female Kenshin" walking toward me, carrying a pail of water with a fish thrashing in it.

She was dressed in a scarlet gi and white hakama, both garments badly worn and tattered to shreds at the ends of the gi sleeves and the bottoms of the pants. What of her chest that could be seen through the slightly open gi was bound. She wore sandals but no tabi. She seemed to be a few inches shorter than…than Kenshin. And she actually even wore a sword thrust through her obi.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, that same worried look in her eye. She moved slowly, as if afraid of startling a wild animal. She set down the bucket by a fire that I hadn't even noticed until that moment, then stood and held up her hands in a placating gesture I had seen Kenshin oh-so-many times. She smiled, and it was Kenshin's smile, Kenshin's teeth. "Are you all right now, Sir? How do you feel?"

"…ah…um…f-fine," I lied.

I felt like my head was going to explode. My mind scrambled to find a way to explain this.

_Okay. Okay. Kenshin…Kenshin has a daughter he doesn't know about…a-and it's just a coincidence they both have crossed scars on their faces. No, no, that's stupid! Kenshin's not old enough to have a child her age. Uh…Kenshin has a twin sister that he_ really _resembles. No, he's an only child, he said. And the scar--on the wrong side--! And she has his _name_! Okay…okay, Kenshin and I have died, and he's been reincarnated as a girl. No, I'm an idiot! I'm haven't died, I'm still Sanosuke! But then how is this possible?_

She was suddenly beside me, and I jerked back. I gawked at her yet again, how similar she was to Kenshin in face and form, and how she was just as silent as he was when she moved.

"Make some noise when you walk!" I felt like snapping…but it was something I said too often to Kenshin.

"You're in shock," she said, concerned. "You had some burns all over your arm and chest when I found you. Can you tell me what happened to you?"

"I…there was a thunderstorm…"

"The thunderstorm last night? You weren't struck by _lightning_?"

I nodded, noticing a numbness in my shoulders as I did.

"You're lucky a few burns are the only injuries you have," she commented with another smile. Another of Kenshin's gentle smiles.

"Y-yeah."

"My name's Himura Shino," she introduced herself again, perhaps figuring I might not remember the first time. "What's yours?"

"Sagara…Sanosuke."

"I'm pleased to meet you. You're not going to faint again are you?"

"I…I didn't faint," I bristled distantly against the unmanly idea. "I passed out. Very different."

"I'm sorry. Do you think you're going to pass out again?"

"…I don't know." I didn't. She was right, I was in shock. I felt weak and shaky, my vision swimming in and out of focus. Which "shock" had put me in shock, I wasn't certain. The lightning bolt or the fact that I just woke up with a girl-Kenshin looking after me. Neither one had helped the other, of that I was sure.

I looked up and past her, seeking the town I had been trying to get to when I'd been struck. Somehow, I wasn't surprised that it was gone. I didn't think I could handle another surprise anyway. I wasn't even on a ridge anymore, but a flat, grassy, and forested area that was only vaguely familiar.

"Where am I?"

"Oh. We're a little off the East Sea Road. I was heading toward Kyoto when I found you lying here, wounded."

"Kyoto…?" I repeated, my voice a squeak. "You mean I'm…in Japan?" So much for not getting any more surprises.

She raised an eyebrow. Nodded slowly, her brow puckering between her eyes. "Um. Where did you think you were, Sanosuke-san?"

"Sano!" the correction came, totally unbidden. "I mean, just call me Sanosuke or Sano. No '-san.'" _And for God's sake no "-dono". Please don't ever call anyone -dono, or I might lose my mind._ "Please."

She looked mildly surprised, but nodded.

I cleared my throat. "The…the last thing I remember, I was in the Mongolian highlands, making my way into a town the travelers I had been hired to guard had directed me to."

She lowered her head and narrowed her eyes slightly, the same way Kenshin did when he was thinking. I felt my stomach twist slightly at yet another frightening similarity.

"That's…very far away. That's a long time of memory loss if the last thing you remember is being there, and here you are back in Japan partway to Kyoto. Are you certain that's the last thing you can remember?"

Memory loss! I grasped the idea like a drowning man. Maybe that was it! Maybe years had passed that I didn't remember, and I must have returned to Japan sometime in that time. Maybe this really was Kenshin's daughter, or something, and there _was _a weird coincidence that her face was scarred as his was. That would explain it! Explain why she was so like him.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to test part of that theory.

"Say. Um. Shino?"

"Yes?"

"Are you…I mean… Do you know Himura Kenshin?"

She blinked slowly. "No…"

My heart made an almost audible plunk into my stomach.

I think around nighttime I may have started unsettling Shino as much as she unsettled me. I know it must have been weird, me staring at her, asking odd questions like what the date and year was. Actually, that might have been smarter than asking her if she knew a man who shared her surname, but… The smart idea just doesn't always come to me first.

So I shared her camp that night with the shock wearing off enough for me to finally feel just how much my burns were paining me, though the world still seemed to have spun right out of control for me. I couldn't wrap my mind around the things that had happened. Tonight I was several thousand miles away from the place I had been the night before. The burns on my body were more than enough evidence that the lightning strike had only just happened. And I was being helped by a woman who had the same name and form as one of my dearest friends.

It didn't matter how often I thought those facts over and over in my head, I couldn't find a way to explain them. And it drove me crazy.

While Shino kindly cooked her dinner of fish to share with me, I tried very hard not to stare at her…but I couldn't always help it.

Kenshin was pretty, especially to be a man, but Shino was downright, breathtakingly beautiful. The realization that I thought so just disturbed me further, so I tried not to think about it. She was an exact duplicate of Kenshin, for God's sake, except for being the opposite gender. Kenshin was like a brother to me! So shouldn't this doppelganger of his, or whatever she was, feel more like a sister?

That's it, I tried to tell myself. Think of her like a sister. She's sweet. She's kind. She cooks okay. She dressed your wounds. She's treating you like a basket case with a serious head injury. Which may indeed be what you are.

She came to me with a plant poultice she'd mashed herself to soothe and rebind my burns and I realized, with great relief, that at least she had a different scent than Kenshin.

I breathed deeply without meaning to, the scent of her more a balm to my frazzled nerves than the medicine she'd made was for my burns. There were other scents mixed with that soothing sandalwood smell of her, of scents you'd catch on a midspring breeze, of sweet plants and clean air.

Still sitting up against the _byakudan_, I fell asleep before she was finished. I remember thinking drowsily that I hoped that this was just a dream and I'd wake up exactly where I was supposed to be, back lost among the trees in Mongolia looking for shelter from the rain.

And another, quieter but much more honest part of me hoped I'd wake up right where I was. With her.


	3. So Different

Why is your smile so weak?  
Do you wish you had a king you'd be proud to serve?  
Tired of taking the beaten plough over the trodden meek  
Those wet paths down clenching curves…

2  
So Different

It was all backwards. Completely backwards.

I knew I hadn't been to Kyoto in years, but unless they had torn everything down and rebuilt everything on opposite sides of the street…

I walked beside Shino. She was watching me out of the corner of her eye. I knew I looked like a brain-scattered fool, walking around with my mouth hanging open, sometimes stopping suddenly to look at a building I _knew_ was built backwards from the way I had first seen it.

It was as if I was holding up a mirror and looking at the streets of Kyoto through it, everything reversed.That's when I first began to think of it as another world, a mirror world.

Lots of people carried swords, many among them women. Evidently there was no sword-banning act here. Unless it had been repealed while I was away, which was anywhere from unlikely to impossible. I wondered about history. Had there been a revolution? Had the same side won as in the world I had known?

With no answers for me there, my eyes drifted from the backwards streets and back to Shino. I guess I had seemed to calm down because she was no longer watching me so carefully. Instead she was looking at the ground.

Now it was my turn to scrutinize her. As much as she was like Kenshin, there were…differences.

She had so many of his mannerisms. The mollifying smiles, the appeasing words, the way she moved her slender hands, or frowned, or blinked, even the way she wet her lips with her tongue put me in mind of Kenshin.

But…she handled herself in these crowded streets very differently than he would. Her eyes were downcast, her hair covering most of her face. A vigorous wind blew over us, and she almost stopped walking to grab at her hair as it was blown back from her face, patting it low over her right cheek, over her scar.

Was she…ashamed of the scars on her face? Kenshin wasn't. Or at least, he never seemed to be. He always wore his hair tied back, out of his way. His head was always held up, and he usually smiled as he walked along, looking like the happy, unthreatening rurouni he was. It just seemed to be part of the way he looked, like the way some people have different shapes of eyes, or lower foreheads, or freckles or moles. But then, Kenshin was a man, and carrying a sword made it no secret he was a warrior. Warriors get scars. I have plenty of my own.

So then, did being a woman make such a difference it would bother this girl-Kenshin more than the guy-Kenshin? I supposed so. Women were more concerned with their looks like that…

Still…it made me feel bad that she felt bad about it.

I almost jumped when my own stomach made a loud, gurgling sound. Shino smiled, looking up at me. "Hungry again?"

"Yeah, well…" I shakily smiled back, rubbing the back of my head. My nerves were still a little tight.

She pointed northward, my eyes automatically following the line of her finger. "There's a place called Shirobeko just down the street. It's a nice place, I think. I can't stop to stay, though. Will you be all right by yourself?"

We were parting ways. I was a little surprised to feel a lump in my throat at the thought, almost like I was losing my best friend all over again. The world had just gone ass-backwards on me, and I still wasn't entirely certain I had all of my sanity. Her presence, so like Kenshin's, had begun to provide a bit of an anchor for me.

Then again, I had been acting like a complete weirdo and she was probably eager to get away from me.

I forced another smile and said I would be all right.

"Your burns aren't that bad. Keep watch over them though," were her parting words, and with a gentle smile, she turned and went her own way.

I watched for just a few seconds. With her back turned, there was no telling her from Kenshin.

Raking my good hand through my hair, I exhaled noisily and went in search of food.

Shirobeko. It was mostly symmetrical, on the outside anyway, so it didn't unsettle me too much at sight. What would unsettle me would be Tae's sister, Sae. I gulped, standing outside the doors.

If there was a female Kenshin here, would there also be a male Sae? Or a male Tae? Oh, Lord, what if back in Tokyo there was a boy Kaoru or a little Yahiko girl? A Tsubame boy? The thought alone was enough to curdle my blood.

Deciding I could go the rest of my life not knowing about any of these sudden gender switches, I turned away from the Shirobeko and made a mental note that, if there was no way for me to go home to _my_ world, never to go to Tokyo again.

I found a more seedy joint to get some food, and also a game of dice. The familiar sounds of gambling soothed my nerves again. This was normal. This was something I did often.

The most I did with the gambling was to break even, and then I settled down to drink for a while. Sake. That was normal too. The taste was normal. It still tasted like sake. I had half-wondered if sake would be water and water would be sake in this place, but no.

On the other hand, it wouldn't be half bad if all the water was really sake. I know I'd find a river, stick my head in and never come out!

I laughed quietly to myself at the thought.

Somebody screamed at me to quit my cackling. I made an obscene gesture in his general direction. I was seeing double at that point and could only hope the one I flipped off was the right one.

I drooped over my next drink, raising my eyes slightly to see that it had gotten rather dark outside. It would have been wiser to get lodgings before I drank myself into a stupor, but at the time I wasn't thinking about anything but forgetting the abject weirdness all around me.

So I sat there, drinking. Busted one guy's head for trying to pick my pockets once. Drank more. Glared dangerously when someone suggested that maybe I'd had enough. Ordered more just out of spite.

I eventually had to take a leak. Tossing a few coins down I made my way outside, wondering what time it was and if it was too late to get a room at an inn.

Wandering around for maybe half an hour proved that being drunk and having a humiliatingly poor sense of direction can end you up in some weird places. It also didn't help that the seeing double thing came and went as I walked along, merging the buildings together into and doubling the streets until they were unrecognizable.

There was nothing wrong with my hearing, though, as I passed an alleyway and heard a woman's voice say, very distinctly, very firmly, and with tooth-numbing politeness, "Let go of me, please."

I knew the tone well, if not exactly the voice. That was that girl-Kenshin's voice. No, I had to stop thinking like that. That was _Shino's_ voice.

_Better go see if she's okay,_ I thought, stumbling toward the alleyway from where her voice had come. It was dark. I could make out more voices the further I went.

"Come on," someone was crooning. "We can pay you."

"Unless you want to give it to us for free," someone else said.

There was a round of snickering as I came found the end of the alley where the moonlight showed through a gap in the roofs. The alley ended dead, and I could see the small form of Shino standing beyond the men who were pestering her. She stood quietly, looking out through her veil of red hair at three knuckle-dragging buffoons.

"Leave me alone," she said in the same firm, quiet voice. Her hands were by her sides, balled into fists.

The third man muttered something that was too low for me to hear and took a step forward. In the blink of an eye, Shino's sword was free and pointed at him.

I had almost walked out to help deal out justice on these men who would gang up on a lone woman in the dark, but once she had her sword out I grimaced and leaned against the wall instead, a little curious to see if Shino was as good as Kenshin with it. Squinting through the distance and the dark at the blade she held I was both relieved and strangely disappointed to see that she did not hold a sakabato. It was an ordinary katana, though a well-used one judging from the knicks on the blade. It was almost funny how the worn-out blade matched her state of dress.

I smiled again as she first showed how much faster she was than they, running under one man's arm as he reached for her. Not as fast as Kenshin might have moved, but there was no reason to use full force on these miserable creeps, was there?

Had I not been such an idiot, or maybe not quite so drunk, I might have noticed there was something wrong sooner…

As it was, I sat back and enjoyed the show. Shino was very fast indeed, ducking and running, but she wasn't making much use of the blade. It only really served to keep the men at a little distance. When any chance came for her to cut them, she didn't take it. Of course she'd be as unwilling to cause harm as Kenshin. He could cut loose freely with his reversed-edge, but she had a blade only dulled with time--still too lethal for her to use against another human being.

Or maybe that was only part of it.

Shino had moved closer to me. Not close enough to see me in the shadows, but close enough that I got a good look at her face. I fully expected to see the stern battle expression Kenshin usually wore when he had to fight. But, she didn't have such an expression. She looked afraid. Fear was marked cold and wet in her eyes as she backed away with her attackers advancing.

Bewildered, my eyes fell to her sword, on her hands. They were…wrong. She wasn't holding the sword right. I don't use swords, but I lived with sword-people for, how long? I knew how one was supposed to be held. Her hands were close together on the hilt, instead of holding it balanced at the guard and the end like Kenshin held his sakabato or Yahiko held his shinai.

My eyes widened, a new horror growing inside my chest. What the hell was she playing at? It was almost like she didn't…she didn't…

Shino fell, tripped up by the well-placed foot of the one of the guys she was fighting. She gasped softly as the sword fell from her hands, spinning wildly in my direction before coming to a rest just inside the shadow. I stared it, appalled. Oh, God…

Oh, God, I was such a fool! A stupid, drunken fool! I should have realized! She didn't know how to use it! _She didn't have Kenshin's skills!_ Here I was just standing and watching, and she was really in trouble!

Shino scrambled to her feet, as the three men surrounded her. She started to dart between two of them, but the one behind her got a hold of her long red hair, pulling her back. The cry she let out as her hair was yanked made my blood boil and red appear around the edges of my vision. A roar burst from my throat before I really realized that it was coming from me as I charged out of the shadows toward them.

I came back to myself maybe a couple minutes later with three bleeding thugs at my feet making mewlings sounds for mercy. I laughed at them as I kicked their quivering butts again for a second time just to make up for the memories I didn't have of the first.

I watched them flee, feeling very satisfied as I loosened my knuckles. "Cowards," I grunted as I turned to make sure Shino was all right.

She was looking back at me with such uncertainty. Hurt. There was such undisguised _hurt_ in her eyes…

"Hey. Shino, it's me, Sano. It's okay," I said, feeling like an oaf. I was never good at reassuring people, and I was a little offended myself that she'd look at _me_ that way. "I'd never hurt you."

"Oh…no. No…Sanosuke, I didn't mean…" She dropped her eyes, fumbling herself, twisting her hands in front of her ratty gi. "I'm sorry."

I walked over to her sword and picked it up. It really was in bad shape, and from the feel of the hilt in my hand it had once been worn down by hands much bigger than hers. It looked like it had been narrowly salvaged off the garbage heap.

"You don't know how to use this," I said as gently as I could, still not quite able to believe it. "If you can't use it, why do you carry it?"

Shino leaned her head forward, the hair sliding over her face to hide her eyes. Moving over to me, she reached out with one of her little hands and took the battered sword from me and slid it carefully back into its sheath. "For protection," she whispered.

"Protection? How can you protect yourself if you can't fight with it?"

"It helps. Sometimes. Sometimes the sight of it is enough. They move on to seek out more helpless-looking prey."

Damn. _Damn, damn, damn._

Distressed by an emotion I couldn't put into words, I ran a hand over my face, and the movement cause the walls around me to sway.

I felt her hands on my arm, steadying me. I looked down into her eyes, wide with worry. "Sanosuke, are you hurt?"

She was very close to me, and the moonlight was falling on her hair, pouring over the white-gold of her skin. She was so very lovely…

_Kenshin!_ I tried to remind myself, but he was now only a mere distraction, pushed back in my mind as a friend I was only vaguely worried might be angry at me for dating his sister. She wasn't his sister, of that I was very certain, but somehow it just felt as benign. She was _of _Kenshin, but she _wasn't_ Kenshin. I could accept that.

"Sanosuke?"

"What? Oh. No, it's okay. I'm just drunk." She raised her eyebrows, and I smiled at her sheepishly. "Well, I had a rough day, you know?"

"Do you remember anything yet?"

"Remember…? Oh. Oh, no. Still blank."

"I don't think drinking so much is going to help your amnesia."

I chuckled softly. "You get attacked by three big guys, and you're worried about me? Don't worry about it. As long as I remember the important stuff, I'll be all right."

That remark was rewarded with a slight smile. "I suppose so."

I felt a stab of disappointment as she moved away from me, starting toward a little bundle of blankets at the angle where one building met another to form a corner of the alley.

"You're sleeping here?" I asked her.

"I was going to. It's a safe spot. Or it was, before they found me here. I'll have to find another place to sleep tonight."

Shino knelt and began to gather up her belongings. I frowned at her back. "But, don't you have somewhere to go?"

She looked back a me, that…that hurt look back in her eyes, eyes so like my rurouni friend's, that she tried to hide behind a weak smile. "No, I don't have anywhere to go," she said softly. She turned away again, folding her blanket.

I watched her a moment, trying to examine the ache that was growing within me. I looked again at her badly worn clothes, that poorly-kept sword. At the little corner where she was planning to spend the night. I thought about those punks who had tried to harm her, about what might have happened had I not come bumbling along.

I watched her straighten up, letting the little wash of anger that came with that last thought make my decision for me. I swayed only a little as I walked up behind Shino as she folded the two blankets over her arm and touched her gently on the shoulder. She jumped, not expecting the contact, her delicate face looking up to mine. Again I was mesmerized by what the moonlight could do to her hair, running it through with streaks of both silver and gold.

"Look," I said as evenly as I could manage. "I know I look like some kind of thug, and you don't really have a reason to trust me or anything… But you helped me out when I was hurt and that means I owe you. Besides…I kind of need to sleep off my drink, and I don't have anywhere to go either. Do you think it would be all right if I stayed with you again tonight? We could look out for each other, in case those guys come back?"

She stared back at me for a moment, then smiled very slowly. "You don't look like a thug, Sanosuke."

I laughed. "It's funny to hear that from you," I said, without thinking. "Kenshin always said I did."

"Kenshin?" She raised one of her fists to an eye, rubbing at it. She was sleepy. She was adorable.

Adorable? Where did that come from? _Damn it, Man, you're not _that_ drunk!_

"Is that the Kenshin you asked me about earlier? You called for him when you first woke up after I found you, too."

"Yeah. He's my friend."

"And he is a 'Himura' as well?"

"Yeah."

"That's quite a coincidence."

"Oh, yeah. Heh. A…coincidence."

* * *

She was curled up right at the corner, with her back firmly against the wall and the blanket around her shoulders.

She slept a kind of exhausted sleep, I thought, for how deeply it was. The only time I had ever seen Kenshin sleep so deeply was when he was wounded or sick, when his body would force him down into deep, healing slumber.

I sat several feet away from her, one of her blankets covering my knees. She had offered it to me with a shy little grin, saying it was so warm she didn't really need two.

The blanket was so threadbare and full of holes you'd need two to equal one, if you asked me. I didn't say such a rude thing, though. I wouldn't have meant for it to be rude anyway. It was just…

She was so ragged. She was beautiful, but she was thin and pale. Everything she had showed of so much wear and tatter. She was sleeping in the woods and in alleyways. She was so…destitute.

Kenshin was always a bit on the shabby side, but never anything like this.

I tried to think of ways Kenshin might have made it in his ten years of wandering. I knew he probably did a few of the same things I did exploring the mainland for five. He'd employed his martial skills, body guarding and the like. I think he took on little chores at inns and such in exchange for lodgings and things like that. There was always someone, somewhere who could use some help.

I wondered about Shino. Why was she like this? How had she gotten her scar? Where had she grown up? She couldn't have had an upbringing like Kenshin's, if she couldn't use the sword.

Was there a female version of…me? Somewhere in this reversed world?

I shuddered, not liking any of the images of a female Sano walking through my mind.

"What am I going to do?" I moaned softly. My head was starting to pound with all this weird thinking. Why was I sitting here watching over a woman who looked like my friend? Why was I suddenly so afraid and worried for her that if God opened the gateway home right in front of me where I sat, I wouldn't just leave her behind like this?

I swore as quietly as I could, just to get some frustration out. Tugged at my hair for the same reason. Almost wished those guys would come back so I'd have something justified and satisfying to punch.

I glanced at Shino, but I hadn't disturbed her rest.

She lay with her hair falling just a little over her face. She looked sad, even when she was sleeping. Hurt. That word was starting to overtake Kenshin's name when I looked at her. What had happened to put that look in her eyes?

Maybe I was making too much of it. After all, she'd been getting along just fine before I came along. She'd continue on all right without my help, I was sure.

She made a small noise in her sleep, a clutching motion with her hands I wondered at and was still again.

"Oh, son of a bitch," I swore softly at the sharp stab of pain the little noise had made in my heart. I dug my fingers into my scalp. "What am I going to _do_?"


	4. Why?

I can keep climbing, but I see my hands are turning black,  
And, ah, my love it's so very cold on this path  
The winds sing the mocking song of the knowledge I do lack,  
Seeks to make me cry, and seems annoyed when instead I laugh

3  
Why?

I had discovered on my travels one very handy way to dodge an otherwise unavoidable hangover on the morning after.

Just don't go to sleep.

I watched light come up over the sooty roofs of the alley, with a tired but relatively clear mind. It was almost time to wake Shino and tell her the decision I had made.

I cringed at the thought of what it was I needed to do, of what might going back there might do to me, but if it would help Shino and free me up to find a way to get home it might just be worth it. And I was sure there was a way back. If there's a way in, there's a way out, right? But I wouldn't just leave her behind like this.

It seemed like the perfect solution. In fact, it seemed like the only solution. I could trust _her_. Or him. Or whatever she was here. Better than any other idea I had.

I sighed again, something I seemed to be doing a lot lately. Life had become entirely too surreal, and I really, _really _wasn't liking it.

Leaning over the space between us, I reached out and shook her awake. "Hey, Shino…how would you like to learn swords?"

I knew she was going to be difficult, but damn! Well, I had not only watched the master, namely Jou-chan, deal with the stubbornness of an incompliant red-head, but I had a bit of experience of my own. Two could play at that game.

I walked behind her as she navigated a pretty dingy area, evidently with some destination in mind, though I was too busy trying to wear her down to ask what. We finally paused in our circling argument as she came to a stop at a small stall in the shadows.

It wasn't exactly the best place to set up a business, I thought. But then, if some slightly more shady things than the norm were the wares of the woman minding the stall, it might have been the perfect place after all.

The woman was very short, easily a head shorter than Shino, approaching elderly years, and had her lightening hair tied in a bun on her head. She frowned at us, flicking her eyes first to me, then back at Shino.

"Finally decided to take up the trade, Himura-san? It wasn't so very bad as you thought it would be, was it? Not every girl has such a good-looking one as her first customer."

My eyes widened at what this old hag had just insinuated, but Shino only smiled, looking at the ground and letting the insult flow away. "No, I haven't 'taken up the trade'. Sanosuke is a friend. Do you have anything you'd like thrown out today?"

The old woman clicked her tongue as she knelt behind the counter to rummage. "Still too proud, eh? You'd live an easier life, you know. A woman as pretty as you could easily demand a high price."

I growled, edging forward, but Shino stopped me with a hand on my elbow and a shake of her head.

The old woman straightened up and brought forth a small crate of apples. She frowned distastefully at them before thrusting the entire crate at Shino. "Won't last another day, these things. But then, I guess they won't have to. Still feeding the urchins, I guess?"

Shino accepted the apples, bowing. "My thanks," she said, turning sharply to the left and hurrying away, as if afraid the old hag might change her mind. I followed, curious.

A few twists and turns later, half a dozen children jumped out at us from slats of wood and cloth propped against the walls, brandishing sticks.

"Shin!" the one leading the charge said. He couldn't have been more than nine, but when he flung out his arm, the others kids stopped immediately, lining up behind him like well-trained soldiers.

Or almost well-trained. The youngest, a boy of maybe six looked up at Shino with eyes beaming through the smudges on his face. "Where you been, Himura-san? We been hungry!"

The other boy whirled on him. "You shut up, Akira! Ain't nobody here been hungry!" he growled.

Akira lifted his chin. "Well, just me then, Dai-sama."

"Dai-sama" snorted and turned back to Shino. "So what you got there, Shin?"

She lowered the crate so they could see. The apples were soft, and covered with spots, within a day or so of spoiling, but still edible now. The boys behind Dai looked on wide-eyed, and I waited, expecting Shino to just give them the apples and we'd be on our way.

But she didn't, and Dai didn't reach for them. He seemed to be inspecting them, rubbing at his chin as if trying to make a decision. "They look okay I guess. I got two nice plums I can play you for 'em, Shin, okay?" he said finally. "Akira, bring the plums here."

The littlest boy eagerly came forward, unwrapping a cloth in his hands to reveal two shiny pieces of fruit of much better quality than the blemished apples. "See here, Himura-san? I kept 'em nice and shiny, didn't I?"

"That you did," she said, smiling down at him.

"So is it a deal?" Dai butted in, impatient. "These nice plums against your apples?"

"Done," Shino said, and she knelt down with the kids in a circle.

I still wasn't sure what was going on until another kid handed over a pair of dice.

"Shino…?" I questioned, but she gave me a strange look and I shut up and stood back to watch.

The little gambling match ultimately resulted in Shino losing all the apples and both plums, though every piece of fruit managed to exchange hands at least once.

"Okay, young ones, now I've lost it all," Shino said, standing up and dusting off her knees. The last bet had been for the crate itself, whatever the children planned to do with it.

The kids cheered, bits of apple on their faces and fingers. I could tell she was fighting a smile as the kids congratulated themselves. She turned to leave, but Dai stopped her, tugging at her sleeve. The kid held out one of the plums to her. "For a good game," he said gruffly.

"Why didn't you just give the food to the kids?" I wanted to know as soon as we were out of earshot of the little urchins. "Why bother to go through all that? And I _know _you were losing on purpose."

"It didn't matter if I was trying to lose or not. Dai's the best I've ever seen with sleight-of-hand. Sometimes even I couldn't tell when he switched the regular dice for the loaded ones."

I started, not having thought the kids could be cheating. I hadn't noticed any switching of the dice at all, and, and here I was a veteran gambler!

"But I still don't understand why--"

"Because Dai would never allow it," Shino explained. "He's a strong one, and the others follow him because he keeps them safe, makes sure they all get food to eat, even the weakest ones. But it's all done with pride. Though he may cheat a little, there is no stealing, no begging, and no charity allowed. So when I want to help, I have to do it his way. It's really best if they believe they're living off their own wits."

I walked alongside her quietly for a moment, smiling to myself. Smart as Kenshin, this one. How could she not be? And speaking of being like Kenshin…

"Why won't you?" I asked again. How many times I had asked, I lost count.

Her answer was deflated of patience, but a least a lot more honest than the polite refusals of before. "_Please_, Sano. I could never pay for lessons."

"I'll pay for it," I said immediately. No idea how, but I would find a way.

"Then how would I pay _you _back?" she asked reasonably.

I didn't have any interest in being paid back, especially when I didn't plan to stick around long enough to _be _paid back.

"I don't suppose you'd consider it thanks for helping me?"

"You paid that back thrice over helping me last night," she pointed out. "And you would have been fine without any help from me all at."

It was like arguing with a brick wall. Or with Kenshin. But I wasn't done yet.

I sped up to walk abreast of her, smiling grimly. "Well, I guess that settles it, Shino."

She frowned at me, wary. "What settles what?"

"Since you won't let me help you learn to defend yourself, I'm just going to have to follow you around protecting you either until you agree, or until one of us dies." I put my hands behind my head as I walked, as if I really had nothing better to do than just that.

She stopped walking and stared at me. "Sano, why do you want to do this? I don't understand."

"It doesn't have to be kendo," I said, striding past her as if she hadn't stopped. "It can be anything you want. I just happen to think you'd be good with the sword." Really, really good.

"That's not what I meant," Shino said, voice breathy with exasperation. "I want to know why you should care about what happens to me. I'm not worth--"

I snapped, whirling on her so fast she actually took a step back. "Not worth what? Not worth what, Shino? Not worth somebody caring about what happens to you? Not worth having a friend? Not worth learning to keep yourself safe from attacks like last night?"

She looked surprised for a second, then her eyes narrowed. "I'm thirty-three years old, Sanosuke, and I've been all on my own since I was fourteen. I think I've been taking care of myself just fine."

"No you haven't!" And it hadn't occurred to me before, not until that moment, but suddenly I was more sure of it than it than anything in my life: "You hide it well, but it shows through sometimes: you've been _hurt_, Shino, hurt so bad that you'll hardly even look other human beings in the eye. And you have _no idea _to what lengths I'm willing to go, to keep it from ever happening to you again."

I'm not sure how long we stood in the street, frozen in place. I was just as shocked as she was over that little speech, and I had just as little idea how to react. Why had I said that?

I said it because I meant it.

I meant it, but the stricken look on her face was not something I'd wanted to cause, coupled with the pain that I got when she still didn't look me directly in the eye. Her injured gaze was somewhere at my chin. There was a slight tremble in her hands, fists at her side.

I opened my mouth, but there was nothing to come out. I couldn't think of another thing to say. An apology didn't seem appropriate, nor was there much else I could offer in explanation. I wasn't even sure what that look in her violet eyes meant exactly, the pain of memories or because of what I said.

I was saved from trying to force out words when her eyes shifted from my face to some above and behind me. They widened and her lips parted. "Akira!"

Akira? The little kid?

I spun around, looking for the danger, and almost missed the child, who was on a roof to the right of me…which I would realize only later was exactly on the other side of the alleyway where the children had played dice with Shino. Akira, with apple bits still on his face had been on his hands and knees on the slope of the roof, watching us. The shingle he'd been holding onto slipped loose right before my eyes.

Before I could react, a red and white streak passed me. Shino. Running for the kid as he fell from the roof.

Not as fast as Kenshin, but so very close, she sprang forward, arms up, and Akira fell into her. But the collision was too much for her, and she slammed violently into the ground, taking all the impact of the little boy's fall.

"_Shino!"_ I was by her side instantly, pulling Akira, who was by then crying hysterically, off her. After a quick glance to make sure he wasn't hurt, I quickly turned my attention back to the girl.

Her eyes were stunned swirls as he lifted a hand to rub at the bump on her head, letting out a dazed little moan… She looked and sounded so much like him that I couldn't help myself:

I fell down beside her and roared laughter at the sky.

* * *

"I'm beginning to think," she murmured into the collar of my jacket sometime later, "that perhaps I should have left you lying on the road where I found you."

"That's not nice," I said cheerfully as I walked the familiar East Sea Road, leading back to Tokyo. Her weight was nothing to me as I carried her along piggyback, my arms supporting her legs, her arms around my neck. "It's not my fault you hurt yourself. It's yours for being a heroic ninny. Or that kid's for being on the roof in the first place. Why the hell was he up there anyway?"

I felt the breath of Shino's sigh on my neck before she answered. "I don't know," she said, but I couldn't help but have the feeling that she really did.

I let it go, deciding that she had enough to be in a temper about. "Come on," I urged. "It won't be so bad. It's a really nice place. It's…I mean, it'll kind of be like my home. Well, the place where my friends live," I amended wistfully, familiar faces floating up in my memory.

"Is it where Kenshin lives?" Shino asked, surprising me.

"The place I'm taking you? No… But it'll be…kind of like where he lived. He lived at a kendo school…" Again a longing hit me. Missing those crashing sounds I would usually hear if I visited early enough in the morning to see Kaoru chasing Yahiko around the yard, Kenshin struggling to keep a hold of his armful of freshly chopped logs as they skirted him. I missed Megumi's throaty laugh. I even missed cheerful Tae and shy little Tsubame…there _was _that tab still waiting for me at Akabeko…

I sighed gustily, Shino feeling just a little heavier on my back.

"Look, I won't force you to take those lessons, okay? But I meant what I said. I'll protect you if you can't protect yourself."

She was quiet for a moment, either thinking or brooding, and I glanced down at her right foot. It was still swelling from where she had twisted when she had fallen. I winced in sympathy. It looked very painful, but at least nothing was broken. She'd be fine in a few days. Maybe by the time we got there.

I noticed she was also picking up the bad habit of chronic sighing as another of her warm breaths brushed across the back of my neck. "Why?"

_That_ again.

I gritted my teeth. "Damn it, Shino. I don't know how to make you understand."

There was another pause. "Try," she said.

She needed a reason. Deserved a reason.

And I didn't even know if I _had _a reason.

"I have to help you," I said lamely. A man in a wagon hauling hay passed us going in the opposite direction, eyes curious on us until my glare made him avert his eyes.

"_Why_?" she grunted, voice tinged with frustrated. "Why do you have to help me? What do you want in return?"

Snapping again, I turned the air so blue with curses that I felt her shoulders move up in a wince. My stride broken, I turned my head to look over my shoulder at her…

…and my anger dissolved immediately into something akin to horror as she looked back at with a wide-eyed expression of fear that I did. Not. Like.

I swore again, but more softly this time. Carefully I lowered her from my back and turned to face her. On an impulsive I was as surprised at as she, I pulled her into my arms. "Don't look at me like that. I have to help you because you remind me of one of the most important people who have ever touched my life," I said, letting the words tumble from me in a rush. "You remind me of him so much. The way you help people without any regard for yourself and without expecting or even wanting anything in return. The way you look weak on the outside, but are really so strong, especially on the inside.

"He saved me. Saved me from eating myself alive from the inside out, drowning in my own bitterness and hatred. Gave me something else to live for besides that. Gave me back something I thought I'd lost forever. And I saw him do the same again and again for others, even allowing himself to get hurt sometimes to help someone he thought worth saving. Seeing those guys almost hurt you last night, and knowing it could happen again, and just leaving it at that… it would be like I was abandoning _him_, leaving him to possible harm when I could do something to prevent it, leaving him with a sad face when there could be something I could do to make him smile, knowing he'd go hungry a lot when I could make sure he ate well every day, knowing that he tried to find places to hide when he had to sleep when I could make it so that he'd sleep safe every night...

"That's why I have to help you. You have a heart like his, and I have to protect it. So let me, Himura Shino. _Let _me."

I felt one of her hands come up to touch me lightly on the back, a gesture of comfort I hadn't expected. "How did he die?" she whispered, startling me.

I'd never said that Kenshin…

No, I'd never said Kenshin died, but I had been talking about him in the past tense this whole time. It was no wonder she thought so. I guess I sounded sad. I hadn't seen my friend in a long, long time, and didn't have much of a chance seeing him anytime in the future. At the moment, he was just as unreachable to me as Captain Sagara.

With no truthful answer to give, I only let her feel me shake my head, as if I didn't want to talk about it.

There was a long pause in which neither of us moved, lost in thought and wandering in our own private worlds of pain before we found our way back to each other.

"All right, Sano. I will. I'll learn for you," she said at last, her tone resigned.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. I pulled away from her, slightly embarrassed about holding onto her for so long. I didn't look at her face, afraid that she would be looking at me with those eyes still, as I turned, signaling for her to climb back on. She wouldn't be much good for walking on that swollen foot for a while.

We traveled in silence for a while after that, solemn but not uncomfortable.

It was Shino who broke it. "Sanosuke?"

"Hm?"

"I _will _find a way to pay you back."

I let the words roll around in my head for a moment, a chuckle fighting with another sigh to escape. The sound I made came out as a little of both. "You Himuras are all alike," I said.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_(Sob!) The pace of these undates is killing me. Damn you, Filly! For your next three birthdays you're getting cards, do you hear me? Nice, fast, simple birthday **cards**. I swear it! _

_My dear cousin, and by "dear" I mean **sadistic **and **evil**, also wanted the poem at the beginning of every chapter changed, switching it to one of her favorites. It's written by me, Khrysalis. Just in case anyone wants to go back and see the first two parts, different from the poem that was there before. Not sure if it would fit as well as the other one, but it's what she wants. Angstpuppy._

_Okay…three chapters plus prologue down, eight more to go… (Siiigghhhh…)_


	5. Becoming Closer

That special, deadly sparkle, did you see?  
As the moonlight lay out to sleep on the snow  
I still have strength, I can get off my knees…  
I can still stand, still move, still go…

4  
Becoming Closer

"Ow!"

"Hold still."

"Ahh!"

"This would go a lot faster if you'd hold still."

The skin on my arm wasn't so bad. Just an angry red from my fingers to my shoulder, with a few blisters, like a really bad sunburn. But the burns on my chest were a much deeper red, more badly blistered, a little swollen, and hellishly painful to Shino's touch as she smeared the slimy plant guts onto the area.

If it were Megumi or Jou-chan treating me, I'd have a few bumps on my head for my squirming to add to that list of injuries, but Shino was a never-ending fountain of patience. No less vindictive, though. She would actually wait until I sat still before she continued, and her hands were unmercifully thorough around those searingly painful blisters.

Actually…I was being unfair. She was just trying to be as fast as possible so I wouldn't have to endure it as long…

But it _hurt_!

It was amazing how the injuries hadn't really started bothering me until I began sweating under the bandages in the later afternoon sun, still carrying Shino on my back. It had begun as a mild discomfort, bandages worn too long rubbing against the painful spots, but had only an hour later become a line of liquid fire, almost making me drop the girl I carried to tear away at the strips for relief.

More to my irritation, Shino spouted a stream of apologizes, a bit shamefaced as she helped me unwind the them to let my skin breathe, as if it were somehow her fault.

Unable to stand it, I said through clenched teeth, "We know whose fault this is. I wish you'd just smack me upside the head and tell me I'm an idiot." That earned me a smile. At least she stopped looking so upset that she'd forgotten all about the burns.

The smile saved me, though, a little. The one she gave me was sweet, reached into her eyes. An little swell of happiness of my own for causing the smile. I lost myself in watching her, not realizing until she had finished rewrapping my chest that she was all done.

"I don't have anymore bandages for your arm," she said. "It'll have to go without until we can get some more."

"No problem," I murmured, my voice sounding kind of sleepy in my ears.

I froze when she suddenly knelt up and pressed her chin against my forehead. She knelt back down, three seconds later. "You have a fever," she said unhappily.

Oh. She had been checking for fever. With her lips. Like a girl. Who checks for fever. With her lips. Heh, heh. That was so endearing I couldn't say anything for almost an entire minute, and lost my powers of speech for even longer when she crawled away from me to dispose of the dirty bandages, then crawled back to sit beside me.

She was crawling because she couldn't walk, but…

She was, well…really cute.

So...cute.

"Sano? You're really flushed," she said worriedly. "Hmm…probably shouldn't go any further today. Let's just find a place to camp out here. All right?"

I nodded, still mute. It took willpower to touch her, letting her climb onto my back again as we sought out a spot away from the road, what comfort or safety to be found by heading into the woods.

I quickly deposited her under the trees we chose, glad to get away from her for just a few minutes under the guise of getting firewood.

As soon as I was sure she couldn't see me, I leaned against a tree and covered my face.

Oh, God. Damn. What was wrong with me? What was she doing to me?

I backtracked a little in my mind. I was fine when she was touching me, cool and slender hands on my skin. Whatever I might feel, it was normal. She was a very pretty girl… Looked like Kenshin, but that wasn't her fault…

But she just, well, not exactly _pouted_ when she discovered I was feverish, but the way her mouth drew down…and then she kind of scuttled along on her hands and knees…

…and I just…just _melted _inside like some kind of lovesick little--

It put my left hand over my right, rubbing against some of the blisters, hoping the pain would clear my head. Not much of a chance of that. She was right. Neglecting my injuries, running around and getting drunk, staying up all night, carrying somebody around all day. I was a little sick. And being sick made me think silly things. Feel silly things. Things I wouldn't feel normally.

Biting my lip, I cast about, looking for a more stabilizing image. I caught it, irritated it was Megumi, but she'd do just the same. Megumi, her sultriness, her fire. Hot and tough. Other women I had been attracted to had been similar. The ones that had spice to lovemaking and heat and bite to their words and touch.

There was no way in hell I could be getting all goofy over the innocent movements of an injured red-headed girl. Or so enthralled by her that I could be stricken speechless. Or blush. God, I don't _blush_. I've never blushed in my life! It was the damn fever flustering me. That was all.

Feeling a little better, even if they were just oh-so-obvious lies I'd told myself, I went back with the firewood. I was shaking as I tried to build the fire, so she came and built it for me. "Go lie down," she urged, eyes large with concern.

It sounded like a pretty good idea, so I did.

* * *

_He was going to drown!_

_I could see the land, coming closer, but Kenshin, idiot, idiot, Kenshin--! I held onto his wrists, could see his hands were turning white, but I couldn't let go. I was sure if I loosened my grip even the slightest he slip off the piece of wood we were wrapped around and I'd lose him. The violent jaws of the ocean would swallow him up._

_Another wave rose, almost covering me. It did cover Kenshin, who as much shorter than I and sagging feebly into the water besides. Listlessly, he held his chin up at first, breathed again when he came back up, but then sank back down. His eyes moved to me, so serene and unfocused that panic filled me._

_I screamed at him, but he only smiled. _It's all right. It'll be all right. Sano.

_Another wave crashed into us, and I had to jerk at Kenshin to bring his head above water. He came up choking and sputtering. I shouted at him again. This time he didn't even open his eyes._

_I tightened my grip, some obscure voice in the back of my head reminding me I could break his wrists if I didn't let up, but I couldn't think past the idea that if I just held on everything would be all right. Just hold on._

_I jolted awake twice without ever having realized I was drifting off, afraid that I might have let go of Kenshin, but my hands were still locked over his. The sea was violent, but I was drowsy with thirst. My eyes stung with debris I had no free hand to rub away._

_An eternity passed this way before I felt sand, sand beneath my toes, then my heels. Firm ground. I released one of Kenshin's arms, pushed away the hunk of wood that had been all that was left of our boat, and held onto him tightly, kicking out with all the strength I had left._

"_Almost there, Kenshin. Almost," I said hoarsely._

_Another wave slammed down on us, pulling me underwater, and Kenshin with me. My knees and free arm scrabbled in the sand. I was so tired._

God damn it all, Sanosuke, you've got to get Kenshin out of the water! _I struggled to stand again, my legs and arms numb and heavy, my head light, vision swimming._

_The next time I collapsed to my knees, the waves still licked at my feet, but could no longer really reach us. It was the best I could do…_

_I knelt on the beach and gagged water, then flipped my friend onto his stomach and beat his back until he did the same. He spit up a great deal of water, more than such a small man should be able to hold. But after a few minutes, he finally lay still, just breathing._

_He opened his eyes, focusing blearily on me. He smiled at me with cracked lips. I grinned back. We'd made it._

"_It's okay now," he said, his voice so low and raspy I almost couldn't hear him. "Sanosuke…little brother…"_

_His eyes closed again, shoulders relaxing. I lay beside him, blinking, staring at his face as the world dipped unsteadily around me, as if I was still floating in the water._

"_Little brother"? I laughed. Exactly who had been the strong one this time?_

…_Well,_ he _had of course. He was always the strongest. I was still mad at him for going thirsty, only pretending to drink our reserve of water, and mad at myself for not noticing he was leaving it all for me…but I'd yell at him about that later._

_For now… I put my hand on his arm and squeezed gently. Just this once, it was okay to think of him as my big brother. Not all the time, though. No way I could give him an excuse to try to protect me like that again._

_Not that Kenshin ever needed an excuse to protect someone…_

_It felt as though I'd only closed my eyes for a moment, a simple, long blink and it was darker, almost night. I started, trying to sit up. Something was wrong._

_Shouldn't…shouldn't someone have come? I frowned, scanning the empty beach. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Someone should've found us by now._

_I reached out and touched Kenshin's shoulder and snatched my hand back immediately. His skin was like ice!_

"_Kenshin!" I grabbed his shoulder again, ignoring the chill of him in my alarm. I shook him hard. "Kenshin? Kenshin!"_

_Truly panicked now, I grabbed him up, turned him over on his back, distantly hearing my voice rising with violent curses and useless pleading. I held my hand under his nose, pressed my ear to his icy chest. No breath, no heartbeat._

_I went completely still and forgot to breath myself. Kenshin…_

…_his hair was stiff with the salt and full of sand, his youthful face set in a gentle expression, like he'd just fallen asleep sunbathing…_No_, my mind denied, quietly at first, then the denials got louder and more vocal and completely incoherent, even to me until I realized that I didn't have a hold of Kenshin anymore. Someone had a hold of me, someone was shaking me and calling over my own cries._

I shut up and blinked, only seeing deep purple eyes staring into mine, and feeling fingernails digging into my shoulders.

"K…Kenshin?"

The hands loosened. "Shino," she corrected softly. "Are you awake, Sanosuke?"

I nodded, and she moved to one side, so that the firelight could burn away the darkness that hid her face. Her face, youthful like Kenshin's. She looked seventeen, not thirty-three.

"A bad dream?" she murmured rhetorically, brushing her chin against my forehead. "You're still hot."

She said I was hot, but how could that possibly be when I was so chilled? She must have seen the shivering I was trying to suppress, because she pulled the blanket I hadn't noticed was there more tightly around my shoulders.

"Okay…it's okay," she said, putting an arm around me as I sat up to share her own heat with me.

I grimaced, feeling like a sick little kid she was comforting. But her scent was so soothing to me I was content to let her continue.

_Kenshin is all right,_ I told myself firmly_. He's at home. At _home_. We survived that shipwreck,_ I reminded myself I remembered very clearly it was still daylight when some fishers from the nearby village helped us out. Kenshin woke up by that afternoon, a bit weak, but he recovered just fine.

"You were calling for your friend again," Shino said gently.

"It was just…a bad dream."

"Did he drown?"

"What?" I looked down at her, surprised.

"You kept saying, 'He's gonna drown, he's gonna drown!'" she explained. "Then you were begging him to breath."

I shook my head, but even I wasn't sure what I was denying. "No, he…we… There was a shipwreck. So stupid…both of us. Shouldn't have been there in the first place. It's my fault, about the water. We had a little jug, squeezed rainwater from our clothes into it. We were supposed to share it, but he wasn't drinking any. He tricked me, wanted me to have almost all of it. My fault. Didn't realize it until it was too late. I should have. He was sick and sleepy all the time, didn't want to eat or stay awake for very long. I should have known. He was too tired to swim when the boat sank. Stupid, stupid, fool! I'm _not _some little brother he had to protect. His life was worth every bit as much as mine! What right did that little bastard have to say which of us should live or--"

"Stop."

And just like that, my not-entirely-coherent babbling ceased. I opened my mouth again slightly when she rested her head on my shoulder, her other arm still around me.

"You're quite a hothead," she commented quietly. "You had a friend who cared so much about you he'd go thirsty for your sake?" She paused. "I think I'm beginning to see…"

"See what?"

"Why you want to help me just because I remind you of him. He sounds like he was…a really great friend."

I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry you lost him, Sano."

But I didn't. I didn't lose him. Not really. And wasn't some form of him with me right now?

I looked down at her red hair, resisted the urge to rest my chin on it to be more comfortable.

_I will not use the word "cute" again,_ I growled inwardly.

I could try to blame it on the fever, but…

I can't help it. She _was_.

* * *

"Sano, I don't suppose you'd be willing to admit that you're lost…?"

"I am not lost, _Shino_!"

"But we've passed those two trees with the rock between them four times now--"

"I said I'm not lost!"

"The fork we've come to three times now is just ahead. Maybe you should go right instead of left this time?"

"Damn it, you little carrot-topped-- If you knew where to go, why didn't you just tell me? Why are you making that noise? Wait a minute. Shino, are you snickering at me?"

"…ah…n-no, Sanosuke-san."

"Don't you 'Sanosuke-san' me! You're riding me around like I'm a pack horse, you've been letting me wander around when you knew which way to go, and now you're laughing at me?"

"So you're lost, then?"

"_I'M NOT LOST!"_

"Um. Okay. …Sano?"

"What?"

"You went left at the fork again."

* * *

Authors note:

_Chapter got delayed for holiday-related stuff. Oh, joy: seven chapters to go and the deadline coming forward to throttle me. What's that you say? Ask my cousin for an extension?_

_I did. Her response? She just smiled sweetly and said, "You can do it, Krissy."_

_I'd cry, but I don't have the energy. Oh, well._


	6. The Master of the Kamiya Kasshin ryu

It's been a long time since I felt the heat of flames  
But even longer since I saw you smile with your eyes  
The laughter dies, they're closing with shame  
I still see it, when I look up into harsh black skies…

5  
The Master of the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu

Maybe going to the Akabeko hadn't been such a good idea.

I'd thought maybe it would be, for many reasons. First and foremost had been my own stomach, which was with my tongue on agreement that they were sick of the tasteless hardtack Shino and I had been eating on the road. Secondly, I thought it might be a good idea to, I don't know, practice. It _seemed _to be a good idea if I sought out Tae before going on to the Kamiya dojo and see how well I'd react if there were any…differences. Third, if what I found at either place was what I thought I might find there, it would confirm once and for all that Himura Shino really was a form of Himura Kenshin.

Despite the best efforts of my imagination, it still floored me when "Tae" jumped cheerfully out at us as we entered the inverted Akabeko's doors. Shino and a tall, lanky, and very, very male Sekihara Tae looked down on where I had fallen. "Sano, are you all right?"

"Uh... Y-yeah, sure."

"My apologizes. Didn't mean to scare you," the man-Tae said, eyes a little surprised in his cheerful-set face.

"Um, you'll have to excuse him," Shino explained, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. "You see, he was struck by lightning not long ago, and he's been acting kind of--"

"Struck by lighting?" man-Tae exclaimed.

"All right," I said loudly as I got to my feet. "Never mind all that. Let's just eat already."

I stomped in the direction of a table, and behind me heard him say, "You know, he kind of reminds me of someone who came through here not long ago. A tall, wild girl, that one. She ran up this huge tab. Come to think of it, she looked just like hi--"

Panicked, I spun around and loudly ordered an insane amount of food that had everyone in the entire restaurant looking our way.

Anything to cover over what he was saying.

He left to go get the food with a bewildered, backward glance at Shino, who was somehow managing to gawk and smile apologetically at the same time.

I chose a table and sat, and eventually the glances melted away. "Sano, are you all right?" Shino asked again as she joined me.

"Sure," I lied miserably. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought. Perhaps I should have obeyed my first instincts and stayed away from everywhere familiar, because just the sight of Tae-san was a little more than I wanted to take.

Let alone any damn references to whomever my own look-alike was here. What was I getting myself into here? Dangerously close to traumatizing myself, as far as I could tell.

Shino was watching me again. Knowing she was a version of Kenshin had automatically entitled her to my friendship and protection since the moment I met her, but it had taken longer for me to become her friend. I trusted her with my life as I would Kenshin, but any trust she felt for me was new and just beginning. I knew my bouts of weird behavior worried her, especially in that area.

But I couldn't help it. It's not exactly anything I'd ever heard in any fairy tale, fable, myth, or old wives' tale that you could wake up one morning and see that everyone in the world was not only backwards, but reversed of sexual category. I was willing to be that God was Goddess here instead, but again, I'd run into a thought to which I really didn't want to know the answer.

"Tae" came back with the first serving, and I took the opportunity to sheepishly lessen the order, much to his relief. Just as long as he didn't mention ever seeing anyone at all who looked like me.

Shino had a hesitating appetite for someone I was sure hadn't had as decent a meal in a while. In fact, the conversation and laughter we'd just begun to share on the road evaporated for the most part as soon as we stepped into town. With me, she hadn't bothered much with keeping her face shadowed with her hair, kept her head up, and I even knew moments of unremarked joy when she looked me directly in the eye when she spoke to me.

But, as soon as we passed from the relative wilderness into the city, she became withdrawn. Avoiding all eyes, even mine, she kept her head down, kept her hair over her scar. I hated it. For reasons I didn't really understand, it made me angry she was this way around people.

Not that Kenshin didn't keep people at bay similarly with his clueless smiles and severe humility, but this was so much less pleasant. Kenshin's display of "unworthiness" was amusing at best, exasperating at worst. Shino's was…really distressing to me.

I'd forgotten how hurt she seemed when it was just her and me for the last couple of days. Now the look and texture of pain was back, and it seemed, for lack of any other evidence, to be connected with people.

Why?

I badly wanted to know, but there was no way I could really ask. If she was cut from Kenshin's pattern, then it stood to reason she'd clam right up if asked about the past. So kept quiet, and hoped whatever I could do to help was enough.

If I survived my efforts to help. This place was really bad for the heart.

"Hey?"

I started, glanced up to see Shino staring intently at me. "You're pale and you're breathing strangely," she informed me. "You're sweating too."

I grinned weakly at her over my tea. It wasn't so much that I thought the world was going to end. It's just that I was kind of wishing another lightning bolt would strike me down before I got there. Whether it sent me home or not.

"Sano?"

"What?"

"Are you going to, um, knock, or…?"

My knuckles were pressed against the door, as if frozen there. _Why _was this so difficult? What could be worse than a girl-Kenshin, anyway? A wave of dizziness passed over me. I ignored it. It couldn't be that bad…

Maybe it wouldn't be if the place didn't look so much like home. The dojo was built inverted and backwards from the place I had known. But it smelled the same. The sight of it looking a bit run down, but upheld by a lot of love and tallow… There ought to be a peace-loving rurouni doing laundry or dishes by the well, and a bratty kid serving a lengthy sentence of sword swings in the yard and a girl…a _girl _in the kitchen botching rice balls.

I couldn't do this. I took a step back, and grabbed the back of Shino's gi, pulling her forward to the door. "Um. Shino, you knock on the door."

She gave me an odd look, but turned obediently enough to give three short raps on the door with one of her little fists.

There was a moment's silence before we heard footsteps from within, coming closer. My heartbeat quickened and I fisted my hands into the fabric of my jacket. This was a nightmare feeling. Like the kind one has as a child when one is cornered and can hear but not see something coming out of the darkness to tear into one's body and devour the soul.

I was chilled at the image and violently fought back the feelings of light-headedness. _It couldn't be that bad._

The doors opened, a voice calling out, "Can I help you?" before its owner stepped out into the sunlight.

Shino turned to me, evidently waiting for me to speak.

I couldn't. At that moment, I was lucky enough my heart kept beating.

The man was young, in his early twenties. He had lustrous black hair pulled into a small ponytail. He had face that was both strong and boyish at the same time, average height, his training gi opened a little to reveal the chest and abdomen of a man who was no stranger to physical activity.

But it was his eyes that had me. They were large, sapphire. Jou-chan's eyes.

Gah, but my head hurt…

"Sano!"

I blinked, realizing that Shino had me by one arm and the young man had rushed forward to grab the other.

"Oh, the fever's back!" Shino grunted in frustration.

"You're really burning up," the young man said.

"But it's so cold," I murmured.

* * *

"_You lanky, freeloading, rooster-head! Wait a minute! Wait for us!"_

_The rain was coming down a little faster, but I grinned and half-turned anyway to wait for the girl and the kid to catch up._

_Yahiko fumed, steam trickling impressively from his ears as he glared at me over his laden arms. "Rooster-head!" he said again. "Why'd you leave us behind?"_

"_I'm not about to just wait around in the rain while you and Jou-chan stand around all day talking," I said, adjusting the buckets of salt, miso, and soy sauce that were balanced across my shoulders with a rod. "I figured if I wandered off you'd follow eventually."_

_Now it was the little girl's turn to fume. "Grr! I can't wait until Kenshin gets better. _He'_s a gentleman." _

_Still grinning, I shrugged and turned and started walking again. "You don't like it, you shouldn't have asked me to come shopping with you."_

"_You eat the food, you can at least help carry it!"_

"_Yeah, carrying it instead of paying for it," Yahiko muttered._

_I laughed reaching out with a hand to scrub at his spiky hair. "Hey, that's a heavy price you know. This stuff weighs tons."_

_Yahiko snorted, Jou-chan chuckled. She opened her parasol and held it up and walked closely between Yahiko and me so that we each got some sort of protection from the rain._

"_We better hurry in case that ninny at home is trying to get out of bed…"_

* * *

I sat up quickly, grunting at the tightness on my chest and arm. I was fully rebandaged, and there was the coolness of the poultice that Shino used on the unhealing burns.

I looked around, realizing I was lying on a futon in a room so familiar there was another pain in my chest that had nothing to do with the burn.

I was in one of the bedrooms of the house. Kaoru's house.

I knew it wasn't so, but… I couldn't help but half-close my eyes and imagine that I was there. At home. That little raccoon girl and Yahiko-chan seemed so close I could almost feel them.

Where was Shino?

I got up and made my way through the door. Damn dojo was backwards. That would take some getting used to.

"It's so strange. The blisters never heal, the redness never fades, the swelling on his chest only goes down a little sometimes, but always comes back. And so does the fever. But usually he's so strong. He carried me from Kyoto almost all the way here when I sprained my foot, but that fever hits him hard--"

I followed the sound of Shino's voice, eventually finding them in the wide-open space of the dojo itself. She sat on the floor across from the blue-eyed boy, the both of them looking up to see me.

Shino stood up quickly. "Are you okay now, Sano?"

"Yeah," I said, a little sheepishly. "I'm sorry about that."

She only smiled, as if it were no problem. "Sano, this is Kamiya Kaoru-san. He is the master of the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu."

"…Oh." It was all I could think of to say.

Kaoru smiled brightly at me. "I've been testing Shino-san a little while you were sleeping, Sagara-san. I think she's got great potential and I'll certainly be glad to teach her."

"Thanks." Again, derisory, but also again, it was all I could think of.

"Sano?" Shino moved forward to grasp my arm. "You're not going to fai…pass out again, are you?"

"What? No. No, no." I patted her hand clumsily. "You know what? If it's all right with…with Kamiya-san, I think I'll go lie down a little while longer…"

"Oh, that's fine with me. Take all the time you need. It's been a while since I had some company here."

Company? "Um. Yeah. Well, do you have, uh…a kid living here with you? Maybe about fifteen or so?"

Kaoru blinked. "No. I've had a few boarders, but not for a while. Why?"

"Never mind. It's nothing."

I turned to leave, but as I did I heard the familiar sound of a sword sliding from it's sheath. Turning back, I saw Kaoru holding a katana in her hands. Shino had one as well, mimicking the way he demonstrated how to hold it.

"You don't use a bokken?" I blurted. They looked at me.

"No," Kaoru said, genuinely puzzled. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Well…" I gestured weakly at her with my bandaged arm. "Kamiya kasshin-ryu. Sword that protects…?"

"You can't protect anyone if someone with a real sword chops the one you've got. A bokken isn't much good for protection," he explained slowly, as if I were some kind of idiot.

"Oh," I said, feeling like one.

I walked back to the room where I had been sleeping in a bit of a daze. Okay. Kaoru is a man here. That I had been expecting since I met Shino. He was still called "Kaoru" but it was one of those dumb names that went both ways. Very little I could do about except hold steadfast to the nickname that I had for _my _Kaoru, and try to avoid calling the other Kaoru by his name as much as possible.

And using true katana instead of bokkens? That was just…wrong. Academically (if Sagara Sanosuke could be accused of ever being academic) I knew that the Kamiyas' sword style _might _have depended on wooden swords more because of the sword-banning act in my world than so much for the bokken being decidedly non-lethal…

…but that was a pretty big "might".

On the other hand, people everywhere in this world were carrying swords. Real steel. And as Kaoru had said, a wooden sword wouldn't be much good against a steel one.

It was also impossible to imagine Kenshin carrying around a shinai like Yahiko used to, and not all that much easier to think of Shino using one either.

Yahiko…

So I guess he'd be a girl in this world too? I tried and failed to imagine him wearing a yakuta or with long hair and pigtails, but the metal picture made me a little ill.

Some things simply should not be.

But more importantly, where was the he…or she? I knew that before Jou-chan had taken him in he'd been with the yakuza. I vehemently hoped that this wasn't the case in this world. If Yahiko was a girl here, and I had no reason to believe he wasn't with all I'd seen so far, then at fifteen the yakuza could be employing him--her--to more unsavory things than pick-pocketing.

I groaned, head in my hands. Great, just…great. Now not only did I worry about Shino, I was worried about Yahiko now as well. I wondered how difficult it would be to find and visit every yakuza group until I found him. If he was even with them.

* * *

I had emptied my pockets and hastily counted the coins, all the money I had left from bodyguarding in my own world. "How long can this get her?"

Kaoru glanced at the money offered him. "That would be fine for about four weeks," he said distractedly. "But, Sano, those burns are still really bad. It's like they're never going to heal. Are you sure you won't stay until you're better, or at least see the doctor--" Shino firmly nodded her agreement.

"I can't be slowed down for some little burns," I said, as if it didn't much matter.

I was a little suspicious of both of them. A month's training and room and board seemed like a little much for such a small amount of money I was offering, so I figured Shino had probably been whittling away at the price by offering do chores and such…and how very Kenshin of her to do so. But also by the soft looks Kaoru was giving her when she wasn't looking, the price might have gone down considerably for other reasons. I was willing to bet that if he wasn't in too tight of a financial situation to turn down customers willing to pay, he might have foregone payment entirely.

That would have made it easier for me, but I wasn't about to press it. If the money I had could get Shino lessons for a month, that meant I had a whole month to come up with more money to span her education into at least a year, find a way home, and perhaps even search around for a Yahiko-girl, just to see if he--she--was all right.

We were all silent for the moment. My two dearest friends, strangers to each other as I was a stranger to them.

I got up and walked casually out. The way Kaoru looked at Shino. That was okay, I told myself forcefully. More than okay. That would be the only right thing I'd so far found with this universe. Kenshin and Jou-chan back at home, that was how they were meant to be. No reason for Shino and Kaoru here to be any different. Hell, if they fell in love, that'd make it a lot easier on me. He'd take care of her. I wouldn't have to worry about her or paying for kendo lessons. Go on with my life guilt-free. More than guilt-free. I ought to be feeling pretty good about myself.

Yeah. _Ought _to…

Not caring to go through a lengthy goodbye when I planned to return in a few weeks, I turned to announce I was leaving and nearly yelped to see a redhead standing right in front me.

"Shino! _Make some noise when you walk_!"

She smiled. "Sorry." She held out small cloth bag. "You need this. It's got more poultice and bandages for your burns. Keep it clean, change the bandages every day, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay." I took it from her, smiling awkwardly at her thoughtfulness. "Thanks, Shin-chan. Have fun with Kaoru-san. Learn really well, okay? I'll be back soon."

I turned to leave again. She put a hand on my elbow. "Do you promise?" she said softly.

I looked down at her. Her large violet eyes were staring straight into mine, and stayed there, waiting for an answer. A trembling force of will for one who was frightened of eye contact.

Suddenly, absurdly proud of her, I put an arm around her shoulders in a half-hug. "I promise," I said.

I went on, only looking back once because I felt like doing so would fortify my promise to her. As I expected, she was standing on the porch watching me leave. Behind her, Kaoru raised a hand to wave goodbye.

I turned away again. I had no idea where to go or what to do yet. But I would think of something.


	7. Rei baba

Please, don't close and fade away  
I coming! I am!  
It gets harder with every step I take  
But I can still move, I can still stand…

6  
Rei-baba

Goal one: find a way to make enough money for Shino to stay at the Kamiya dojo for one solid year.

Goal two: find a way home.

I had begun to wonder if I should have added "collect moon from the sky" and "have a diamond fall from my mouth every time I swear" to that list. The way I was going, those as goals weren't any less far-fetched.

One week had come and gone, and the one ounce of good sense that I had was to stay away from the gambling houses.

It wasn't so much that I had actually grown any of that good sense of my own. No, when I stuck my hands into my pocket shortly after I left the dojo, I found that a little red-headed someone had sneaked three coins to me when I wasn't paying attention. Evidentially "Dai-sama" wasn't the only one who was good with sleight-of-hand… The mere thought that Shino had given me her own money because she knew I'd given all of my own to Kaoru, _that _was enough to keep me away from gambling houses.

In fact, I didn't spend the coins on anything at all, just kept them in my pocket where the weight of them helped to remind me what I was doing and why I was doing it.

The burns, still as fierce and as painful as the day I got them, managed to add to the surreal twist life had taken. Shino and Kaoru had been right. They weren't healing. The fever I began to expect every third day. I kept track of it enough to find a safe place to ride out the moments when I was helpless to deep dreams and icy chills.

So…something was wrong, very wrong with me. Pain I could deal with. As long as I used Shino's poultice and let my skin breathe once in a while, I was usually fine. But the clockwork fever was a dangerous nuisance and unsettling besides.

It was that reason more than anything else I was trudging through the forsaken little patch of forest. The land was hilly, and the trees grew haphazardly out of the rises, making me think that any moment the weight of them might be too much for the soil supporting the roots and trees would come crashing down on top of me. It was downcast the entire time I searched the place, the sky seeming on the verge of rain and moisture heavy in the air, but not a drop fell.

It really did look like the perfect place for a witch to live.

I had waded in old side-streets by eating houses for days, talking to oldsters who sat around on splintered benches and tables playing go. When one wanted to know about ancient tales and legends, it was best to go to the oldest people you could find with your questions. I can't remember anymore where I picked up that little bit of wisdom.

But it saved me.

It turns out there are endless stories connected to mysterious stones. People vanish and sometimes reappear, sometimes not. Embellishments of incredible journeys, cities in clouds or under the oceans, secret continents made their way into the stories so fantastically, one could have listened to some of the same ones forever and never heard it the same way twice.

Eventually the elders who got used to seeing me sent me in the direction of the woods, where a very old herbalist lived alone and kept her secrets.

They said she had made such a journey once. Some I talked to said that she had traveled to a mystical land herself and came back one day. Others said she was from another place and remained trapped in this world.

Either way, it was too close of an opportunity to find answers to pass up. My first priority was still to help Shino, but this was my best lead on getting home. I still had three weeks left to get my hands on some money. No sweat.

Or maybe a lot of sweat, just not about money or outer-worldly magic stones.

I sat down by a nice, stable-looking tree and scrubbed at my face with my hands. I wasn't feverish…yet. But I was plenty tired.

I _hated _being sick. Whatever the old hag could tell me about that _Byakudan _stone, I hoped she could at least do something about whatever the hell was wrong with me, being an herbalist and all.

Sleep was thick and gauzy on me, and I was still tangled in it even when I was woken by the feel of a stick smacking me upside the head.

"Get up!"

I blinked dazedly up at an old woman. Old, but not wizened. She was very tall, still had a few streaks of black in otherwise silver hair. Her wrinkles were deep, but restricted to the areas around her eyes and mouth. She had large, deep green eyes.

"Get up, I said!" she snapped with impatience. "I can smell a sick boy a mile away, but it doesn't look so bad that I should treat you here. Since you can still walk, you'll walk. Get up and come on."

She turned and marched away, leaning lightly on the stick she'd used to hit me.

I stared at her back a few minutes before she snarled, "Hurry up!" over her shoulder. I got to my feet and followed her.

* * *

The old lady could swear _fluently_.

Somehow, the torrent of words that only sailors should even know managed to bring down the fairy-tale feeling some, especially when it nearly overwhelmed me when she brought me to a little hut almost completely consumed by moss and vines and sheltered by huge, ancient trees.

"It looks painful," she said as she examined my damaged flesh. It was the most polite thing she had said yet.

Idly I wondered what Shino would think of the old lady. An image of her blushing and shocked into silence by the strong language made me smile.

"What's your name, Son?"

"Sagara Sanosuke…Grandma," I said, grinning a little at her. Her rudeness was refreshing…and catching.

She smirked. "You may call me Rei-baba," she said before turning away to look over her shelves.

Her hut was close and full of all sorts of bottles, cups, bowls, all filled with things I'd probably rather not know about. Any available space had plants hanging from strings to be dried. Only shoved in a small corner was anything that made the place look like it wasn't an apothecary's shop: a small western-style bed with a lot of pillows piled on it.

Rei-baba, for the fun of understatement, was extremely eccentric.

"It's been a long time," she murmured as worked at the bench, mixing things into a bowl. "Didn't think I'd live long enough to meet one more."

"One more what?"

"One more traveler," she said, turning around and handing me a bowl with an ugly green glob not as pleasant-looking the stuff Shino had been rubbing on me. "Put that on the burned places," she instructed absently, moving on to another shelf. "I'll get something to give you your strength back while you're doing that."

"Thanks," I grunted. Grimacing, I stuck two fingers into the mush and spread it onto my arm first, noting with surprise that where Shino's medicine soothed the pain, this stuff made it vanish completely. I was grateful, I guess, but I wondered grimly how I was going to pay her for this.

Funny how we came in a full circle back to money. Shino's coins were warm in my pocket. It was dumb to feel any pain about parting with them just because they were hers, but…

I didn't want to spend them. Damn it, who cares why, it was as simple as that!

Maybe I could help the lady out with some chores or something.

I was almost finished when she thrust some tea under my nose. Gingerly taking the hot cup in my left hand, I realized it didn't smell as horrid as most medicinal teas did.

"Don't worry about the taste, Kid. By now I'm an expert at making it easier to choke down." She looked over my arm, which I held slightly away from me so I wouldn't smear medicine everywhere. "Inconvenient to be burned like that all over your hand," she observed. "I was far luckier."

I lowered the tea, gasping a little at how quickly my head cleared. "What are you talking about, Baba?"

"The lightning burn that doesn't heal. I only have it over my right shoulder and ribs. Your entire right hand and arm, as well as part of your chest is burned."

I looked at he a moment, hope growing. "Then you really are--"

"From another world? The same as you, correct?"

"How did you…?"

She shrugged. "I can smell a sick boy a mile away," she repeated her earlier words. "And I recognized the signs. The burned skin, the heated sickness. You probably have a fever that comes and goes. You probably faint a lot--"

"I don't faint," I growled.

She ignored me. "Only the deathly ill or the very desperate venture out here. There's a witch living in these woods you know."

Her eyes twinkled.

"I'm desperate," I admitted quickly. "I can't believe those stories are true. I was hoping you could tell me how I might go back."

Her mouth dropped open. "Go back? Why the hell would you want to go back? What's waiting for you back at _that _place?"

My own mouth opened, but… I didn't have a anything to tell her, I realized, suddenly feeling very stupid.

"You idiot boy!" Rei-baba confirmed for me. "I know better than anyone it was a shock coming here, but the reason you _are _here is because you didn't want to be where you were. You desperately wanted to be somewhere else, right?"

"W-well--"

"Right. Now that you're here, why would you want to go back? Drink your tea!"

I automatically brought the cup back to my mouth, feeling steadier as I breathed in the steam.

"Look, there are…certain things we have to put up with. The pain of the burn, for example. The feverish nights. They can be eased with plants, herbs, and balms, but the fact is they'll always be a problem."

I looked down at my chest, where the burned flesh to the one side of my abdomen was swollen slightly and the most painful. "You mean…it'll never heal? Ever?"

She snorted. "Fifty years, and mine have yet to heal. They did lessen, though, a little, the two times I went back."

"Then there _is _a way back!" I exclaimed.

She glowered at me. "I believe I was talking, young man!"

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"As I was saying, there are pains you'll have to deal with for as long as you remain here. But here, there is a clear chance for happiness that was so elusive in the place you were before. You should have seen it upon first waking."

I blinked. "I didn't see any 'happiness', Baba. All I saw was Shi…"

Wait I minute.

Shino.

Shino?

_Shino?_

"But that can't be!" I burst out. "She can't make me happy. No, I mean, she does make me happy, but… She _can't_!"

"Why?"

"Because she looks exactly like my best friend! She even has his damned surname! That's just--"

Rei-baba snorted laughter. "You poor kid. Don't worry about it. She was placed in your path because she was the element that had the most power to make you happy. It'll be fine."

"But--"

"Never mind, I said. Now, what was your anchoring word?"

"My what…?"

"Anchoring word, Son. What was the word written on the stone?"

The imagine of the simple, flattish tombstone appeared clearly in my mind. "_Byakudan_."

"Really?" She took a deep, slow breath through her nose, as if trying to catch a faint scent. "Mmmn. Been a long time since I had a good whiff of sandalwood." She breathed in again. "Beautiful scent. Soothing and calming. Breathing it makes even the most wound-tight hothead go boneless wouldn't you say?"

Sandalwood…Shino's scent. Just being near her enough to breath the same air where she stood… I remembered again waking up from nightmares that came with that damnable fever, and she was always right there to help me wake. Her touch and words, but most of all her scent, made it possible to relax and sleep again. Like everything was going to be all right.

"Are you saying the word on that stone had something to do with bringing me to her?"

Rei-baba shrugged. "Those stones…although I and the few other travelers I've met have only met up with one kind, there are many. My stone and yours took us to world that was very, very similar to the one we knew. The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west, the stars are in the right places, and the moon waxes and wanes as well as we always remembered it. Not everyone is so lucky."

"I don't even want to know."

She shrugged. "For you it won't matter. Now about your girl. You kept up with her, right? She's safe?"

"She's not my-- I mean, yes she's safe! I made certain of that!"

"Good then. Now all you have to do is go back to her and let yourself be happy," the old woman explained as though it were the simplest thing in the world.

"How the hell is just going to someone supposed to make me happy?"

"You really are a stupid kid. Humans are such social creatures. Even me, to a more sedate level. I came here and found people who needed me, and lived happily with just them until I finally outlived them. I never had much a need for anyone else's company, but I do miss theirs…" Her eyes had begun to look through me rather than at me, seeing things only she could see. "They were what I needed the most, my children, and my love. Desperate I was for real love, true love, the kind of love only those who know you're truly their mother, even if not by blood, and the love of a man who knows you are his wife in every sense, taste, texture, and inflection of the connection made with that word.

"It is pain almost beyond endurance to have live on without them all, but I would not have given up their love to avoid the pain. Ever."

"I…I had people who cared for me at home."

"But you can't be with them. That's why your loneliness was so great that it brought you here. I've been there myself, Son."

She leaned forward with a roll of clean bandages and began wrapping my poulticed arm, starting with my fingers. Just like Shino…

"But…but you don't understand. She looks like my friend. A man I knew…know. A man I respect more than any other man alive, or dead even, next to my captain…"

"Does that really bother you?" she asked quietly, not looking up from what she was doing.

"What? Of course it does." I didn't look at her, but at the door she'd left open, looking out into the trees, turning slowly from green to vibrant reds and yellows. "Hell, how could it not? It's not just that she looks exactly like him, but she moves like him, talks almost exactly like him, smiles like him, even _sneezes _like him."

She snorted, working the strips down to my shoulder. "Does that really bother you?" she repeated.

"Sh…shouldn't it?"

"She's not exactly like him, is she? Nor is your friend exactly like her. There are differences, I'm sure. For example, the difference in you. Do you feel the same way for your friend as you do for this woman?"

"No!"

"Why? What's so different about them that they hold different places in your heart?"

I shook my head. I had no words…

"Then keep this in mind, Sagara Sanosuke: those stones that wait on the paths for aching hearts worth saving, they send you to the one you need the most. But also, they send you to the one who needs _you _the most. It's never one-sided, Kid. This girl, however she resembles your friend, or if she is actually him in this world where familiar things take slightly different shapes, she is not the person you left behind. She'll have had different experiences, different upbringing. Things seem to follow suit here as there, but even the most subtle difference can make a whole new pattern, right? Don't be afraid to love."

"I'm not afraid, I…"

I began to laugh just as she finished wrapping my chest and sat back. "Oh, hell. It doesn't even matter now."

"Why do you say that?"

"I left her with the same person my friend back at home had fallen in love with…she's the opposite sex here too… If things follow suit here like you said, then she should fall in love with him instead."

She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest, disbelief on her face. "You are a moron," she stated.

Just this once, I didn't bother to take offense. She was probably right.

* * *

I scowled at the amusement on the old hag's face. "So you're trying to find a way to make money for the girl to learn swords?"

"Yeah," I said, defense creeping into my tone, but I kept my eyes on the soup she had prepared for dinner. "Well…Kenshin's a master at it. I thought Shino might do pretty well too."

Rei-baba got up to clear away the dishes. "I'm sure she'll learn. She might even have innate talent for it if he does. But don't be shocked or anything if she doesn't exactly become as great at it. Some things can only be mastered if studied from youth. Like music or crocheting."

"Doesn't matter," I muttered. "Just as long as she can protect herself better than I saw in Kyoto."

"Fine, fine. Since that's what you need, why don't you work for me?"

"Work for you?"

"Yes. Since you're already here, you can do something for me my sons used to. I could never do it alone. Strenuous work, that. The rainy season's here, so this is the best time to uproot some of those old trees so I can collect the oil from the roots. I'll can even pay you pretty well, in addiction to teaching you how to deal with your burn and fever. You'll be able to help out your girl in no time. What do you think?"

I gaped a moment at the old lady's generosity. "That sounds great, Rei-baba. But…what trees am I uprooting?"

She grinned roguishly at me as she swept the dishes into a basin. "Sandalwoods."


	8. Destiny to Submit

If I close my own eyes hard enough, then  
I can see, remember, the raging winds across the tall grass  
Made them look like waves, a raging ocean  
We would stand beneath the trees, as long as the storm would last…

7  
Destiny to Submit

She was standing at the dojo gates, almost as if waiting for someone. Maybe for me?

She looked so much better. In just a few weeks a little more meat and color had been added to her frame. Her clothes were the same, but someone, perhaps herself, had made a valiant attempt to mend them. She leaned just over the gate on her elbows, arms crossed over one another and hanging down, her eyes on the ground. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and I examined the new detail gingerly, worried for just a moment that it would make her look even more like Kenshin.

But, no, not really so much. The difference was in the length. Kenshin's hair was shorter at the sides where it framed his face, but her hair was longer except where the bangs had been trimmed away. The sides of her hair curved against her cheeks as it swept back into the tail.

She looked up, finally seeing me, her eyes blinking as if coming back from layers of thought. That bothered me only slightly; Kenshin would have known I was coming long before I could have ever walked up on him…

…but that only mattered for a second. Despite my promises to myself I would remain at arm's-length, I was so very relieved to see her.

Even so, I meant it purely as a joke when I spread my arms, grinned broadly and said, "Did you miss me?"

A joke, I said! But she quickly vaulted over the gate without bothering to open it, and I found my arms full of Himura Shino.

"Sanosuke, you came back!"

I blinked down at her. "Of course I did. I said I would, didn't I?"

She pulled back, a little bit of red across her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, Sano." Flustered, she rubbed at her shoulder.

I raised my eyebrows. Pleasure filled me (she _had _missed me!), mixing a little with new worry. The goal here was to be getting Shino to focus on Kaoru. Stones be damned, my weird feelings be damned, but that's how it should be. Kaoru would make Shino happy. Of that I was more certain than the sun would be setting tonight.

I shrugged like it didn't matter and opened the gate. "Come on, Shin-chan, let's go inside. Did I miss dinner?"

I felt her snag sleeve and glanced down at her, prompted by the gentle tug. "Um…Sano…" Her eyes drifted to the dojo and then back up to me. "I…um… I want to wear my hair down," she blurted.

I blinked. "Well, that's fine," I said slowly. "But it's really nice the way you have it now…"

Again she puzzled me by glancing at the house before looking back at me. "I really want to wear it down, Sano," she repeated, her voice a bit strained.

"So wear it down. What are you doing, asking me for _permission_?" I reached out and slipped my fingers into her hair, hooking them under the tie and pulling it free. "There, _Shiden-me_. Happy now?"

She looked up at me, surprised at the silly endearment that I had rolled in my mind often these last few days, but had never meant to use. I winced at yet another slip of my tongue, but she only smiled. A slow, sweet smile that melted away the usual pained look in her eyes, if only for the moment.

As always, I couldn't help but smile back. If a silly nickname could spread sunshine on her face like that, I wanted to use it as often as I got the opportunity.

Then her eyes dropped to the hand that still held her hair tie. "S-sano…your arm. You can't be…you're not still--"

Her slender little fingers hovered over the bandaged part of my chest, but I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's nothing. It's so much better now, _Shiden-me_," I said, the emphasis on my new endearment for her distracting her and buying me another slow, bright smile.

I followed her into the house, though I was less eager for dinner now.

I walked behind her, upset with myself. What was wrong with me? I knew I was a little brash, but I'd never had such a miserably complete lack of self-control. Shino's supposed to be giving smiles like that to Kaoru, not me! She was supposed to be getting cutesy pet names from the kendo teacher, not the street brawler. How could I be so thoroughly screwing up without even trying?

We found Kaoru in the kitchen, burning the rice. Of course. Some things never change.

His smile was warm when he turned from the failing dinner to smile at me, but his words of greeting died on his lips when he saw Shino.

Shino quickly turned to me, her expression a mix of guilt and pleading.

I looked from one to the other, mystified.

"Shino," Kaoru said quietly. "What have we talked about?"

Her eyes dropped to the floor, a subtle rise of her shoulders as if she expected a blow. I tensed, the nightmare-feeling clawing at my heart again. There was absolutely no way that Kaoru--_any _Kaoru--would--

"I don't like to wear my hair back, Kaoru-san," Shino mumbled, eyes still down.

My jaw dropped. Is this why she was bugging me about wanting her hair down outside? Because he was _making _her wear it tied back?

He crossed his arms over his chest, frowning deeply. "Shino, your hair is very pretty, but it would be best if you got used to it tied back. It's in the way all the time. So either get used to it or cut it short."

The nightmare just transformed into something really ugly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sudden anger spread over the shock. "Why is it your business how she wants to wear her hair, Kaoru?"

He blinked at me. "It gets in the way. All the time," he repeated. "Especially when we're training--"

"Well, you're not training _right now_, are you?" I wasn't quite yelling, but my voice had risen enough that Kaoru shut up and Shino was looking from him to me, eyes wide.

"Now, now," she stammered, raising her hands. "It's okay, Sano. I'll just tie it back again, I don't mind, really."

I still held her hair tie, but when she reached for it, I closed my fist tightly over it. "No," I growled, more harshly than I meant. "You want to wear it down, and now, you're wearing it down. I don't see any reason you should tie it back just because this little boy wants you to--"

"_Sano_."

Shino's voice was still quiet, but it had that hard, commanding quality that I knew very well from a similar redhead, and I knew better than to brush aside. I shut up immediately.

"There's no need for you to be rude," she said in the same tone. Her eyes were different. There were the beginnings of the "battle expression" that I had expected to see in the alleyway in Kyoto.

Before things could escalate any further, Kaoru took over the situation. Politely, he asked Shino if she could attempt to salvage the disaster he'd made of dinner. Then he quickly led me outside, saying that we needed to talk. I followed easily enough, trying very hard to ignore the fact I was no little bit hurt that she was angry with me. It was almost worse than her being afraid of me. Almost.

Barely in the fresh air again, Kaoru whirled on me and demanded, "How did you do that?"

I took a step back, surprised by his excitement. "What?"

"I've been trying to get a rise out of her for a couple of weeks now, and nothing's worked! Now you just come in and fly a little off the handle--and not even _at _her!--and finally there's some fire in her!"

"Hey, I did not fly off the handle!" I said, reminded of why I had started to get angry in the first place. "Shino's not a child! She's a little more than a decade older than you! Where do you get off trying to tell her what she can do with her own hair, or dress, or anything else like that?"

Now it was his turn to draw back. His mouth hung open for a moment before a contrite expression spread across his face. "Sanosuke… I'm sorry. I apologize," he said. "But give me a chance to explain. Please."

Just like that, my anger deflated. Or maybe not quite then. Maybe it was when I searched his face for sincerity, saw again the gentle features and sapphire eyes… So like Jou-chan's.

Suddenly I felt awful. This was Kaoru. _Kaoru_. Who was my friend as much as Jou-chan was. Who deserved my trust and friendship the same as she. How could I have believed for a second--

Shino had been right to call me down.

I rubbed the back of my neck, muttering my own apology.

"No, I was kind of out of line," Kaoru said. "But I was doing it for a good reason." He sighed as he sat down on the porch, motioning for me to do the same if I wanted. "Sanosuke, I'm not really one to care much about peoples' pasts. Not yours, not Shino's. Even if I got a little curious about you two, neither of you seemed to want to volunteer information about yourselves, so I figured it didn't matter. But, the past still exists and affects us even if it's not spoken of to others." He looked at me, his eyes frowning deeply. "Sano, how much do you know about Shino?"

I shrugged, not sure what to say.

"Shino told me you wanted to help her get stronger because she reminds you of a friend."

"Yeah."

"But she's not the friend she reminds you of, you know…?" he said, his voice rising in an odd note I didn't understand.

I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling the need to be both defensive and to…brace myself. I had the sinking feeling Kaoru was about to tell me something I didn't want to hear. "I know everything I need to know about Shino. More than enough to want to help her. What are you getting at?"

Kaoru smiled humorlessly. "Did you also know then, that Shino was a slave?"

"_WHAT?"_

He had ducked his head even before he was finished speaking, apparently having expected an eruption.

I was aware of a steady stream of colorful curses I had learned from Rei-baba herself pouring from me before I gathered myself enough to use real words again. "What do you mean, she was a slave? How in all the hells could _she _be…!"

Kaoru blinked owlishly at me. "Well…that can be pretty easily, Sano. _Very _easily. She's a woman, she's alone, very poor, probably been an orphan for most if not all of her life. If she was an orphan, she could have been sold off by her village. That happens all the time for children who don't get taken in by anyone when their families die. Or she might have even sold herself off to avoid starvation, or from recruited by brothels, which don't always take no for an answer. Or any number of less likely but not-uncommon scenarios of being taken as a payment of debt or kidnapped off the street for slavers that won't make their quota otherwise. It happens all the time."

"It _shouldn't_," I spat heatedly. "Especially not to her!"

I swore again. Shino, a slave…? It was impossible, it was--

…but…Kenshin was a slave too.

The memory of him telling me a little about the time he'd spent in the hands of slave-traders as a child hit me like a kick in the stomach.

_Oh, God…_ Shino…walking with her head down, her reluctance to meet the eyes of others, the striking lack of boldness, the reflexive recoiling from raised voices. It was not only possible, it was really so.

Shino must not have received the mixed blessing of having her slavers slaughtered by bandits. For her, there had been no rescue, no Hiko Seijuro to take her in.

Kaoru laid his hand on my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. He watched me, frowning. "Sano, I don't understand why that's so hard for you to believe, or why you're so upset. It's terrible, but it's like that everywhere in today's world."

I blocked him out, visually at least, by digging the heels of my hands into my eyes. It wasn't Kaoru's fault. Not called for to be angry with him. He had nothing to with any mistreatment of Shino, and it also wasn't his fault that he didn't understand why I was so affected by a girl I was supposed to barely know.

Trying very, very hard to keep my voice steady, I said, "She been telling you her life's story these past few weeks?"

"Of course not. I just told you she won't talk about herself much. All of that I just told you were guesses. But I do know someone owned her once."

"_How _do you know she was a slave?" I prompted. It was a poor attempt at hoping that it somehow wasn't true after all.

Kaoru's voice hesitated a moment before answering. "I know she was a slave because I accidentally walked in on her in the bath not long ago. She's got a…a lot of scars. But there's a mark in particular, on the inner part of her arm. She had been branded, Sano."

I looked up from my hands sharply, his words biting like the lash of a whip.

* * *

She would have been as awesome with a sword as Kenshin. I know it.

I watched her move. She was fast and graceful, the sword already seemed a part of her. I barely noticed Kaoru, training beside her, for watching Shino.

But it was hard to look at Kaoru anyway, without remembering his words.

They still stung and burned, and I was tired like I really had been physically beaten.

Kaoru had tried to explain to me what the deal with Shino's hair was. He said he thought that once she realized she had to listen to what he said, he after all being her teacher, she sort of started slipping back into a "slave mindset", or so he put it.

She became blindly obedient, stopped talking as much, and only rarely when not spoken to first, and then starting showing an upsetting, obviously-relapsed habit of flinching anytime someone put their hands anywhere near her face.

Worried, Kaoru had tried to come up with something of a plan to help: she had picked one thing, a single thing to be absolutely unreasonable about, while being nice as usual about everything else, hoping that the unfair needling would get Shino to fight back a little.

That was the "rise" he had said he had been trying to get out of her. But instead of fighting back, she turned to me instead when I came back, like I was some kind of authority figure to her too.

"Don't do that anymore," I had said to Kaoru, feeling a little like I was going to throw up. "Just leave her hair alone, okay? She needs to wear it down."

"She just wants to hide her face with it, you know."

"I know. Leave her be about it anyway."

It seemed useless, but if it made her so uncomfortable to tie it back…

My emotions where Shino was concerned were so alarmingly out of sorts. I knew this far too well and wished there was _something _I could do about it, or at least could explain to myself why it felt like something had gripped my intestines in a vice and twisted.

Of course, my blood would boil with the thought of someone using Kenshin so… The thought of what someone might do to him, to _Kenshin_, to so damage his spirit he'd need somebody's consent to do whatever he wanted with his own God-damned _hair _made me want to hurt someone. A lot. And for a long time.

But I couldn't pretend that Shino was just riding the end-tails of my love for my friend anymore. Truth was she had earned a fair-sized portion of my heart all on her own.

Even when I wasn't around her back at Rei-baba's place, the constant scent of sandalwood oil drove me crazy with missing her, wanting to know if she was happy in the place where I'd left her.

And now the world had come crashing down once again with the freakish idea that the only thing I'd thought that I'd done right, bringing Shino to the Kamiya dojo had done maybe a little more harm than it had good.

"Sano?"

I broke from my thoughts to see that their lesson had ended, Kaoru had disappeared, and Shino was kneeling in front of me, all without me noticing.

"Are you sick again?"

She was so near, and as always her sweet scent worked its strange magic, relaxing my wearied mind. I shook my head to say I wasn't ill. Her hair was tied back again, to keep it out of her way while she was training. I reached out and deliberately pulled the tie free again, watching her hair spill around her face and shoulders.

She smiled at the gesture, moving around to sit beside me. "You're still hurt," she said, eyes on my wrapped arm. "You're still using your left hand for everything. Don't tell me its nothing," she said quickly when I opened my mouth to do just that.

"As long as I can still hold my chopsticks, I'll be fine," I said instead, grinning lopsidedly with the half-hearted joke. "Just don't worry, Shino. I got a crazy old hag a little to the north helping me out with it. It barely even hurts anymore."

Her lips thinned at my words, either at the impolite terms I had used to describe someone who was helping me, or that I suggested that she shouldn't worry about injuries she knew weren't that bad and should have healed a long time ago. Or both.

"Shino," I said, as much to change the subject as because I needed to know, "Is this okay? I mean, do you like it here?"

"It's nice here," she said, noncommittal. Keh. Typical rurouni-type answer.

I tried again. "Do you like learning swords?"

"Uh huh." Well, I'll be damned. A straight answer, gently enthusiastic.

Encouraged, I said, "So you, um…don't mind staying here a bit longer and learning more?"

She looked amused. "I don't have anything better to do."

I raked my good hand through my hair. "Shino…I'm an idiot, you know. Most everyone who knows me says so. Sometimes I even amaze myself how dumb I can be."

"What are you talking about, Sano?"

I shifted guiltily, not looking at her. "Well…I was so set on making sure that you learned how to defend yourself and fight back a little, I didn't think about…other things. Like what you might do…afterward. Instead of thinking about helping you gain a really useful skill that might help you live or something--"

She chuckled softly and I looked up at her. She smiled gently. "Ah, Sano. I'm not so helpless as that. I have lots of skills that could help me live. I can sew really well, read and write, fish, trap. I've taken on little jobs from time to time, things like picking fruit and waiting tables and such. Enough times to consider them skills. I've carried around this old sword for a while, but before you came, I never had a way to really learn how to use it. That's a truly useful skill. Now no matter where I go from here or what I'm doing, I'll be stronger. You're not an idiot at all. I'm really grateful, Sano."

"I…I didn't mean to imply you were helpless."

"I'm not offended." She curled her fingers around the hilt of her sword, which I noticed for the first time was the same old piece of junk. "I…might have really gotten hurt that night in Kyoto if it hadn't been for you, Sano. I never did thank you properly for that, did I?"

"No need. You helped me too, remember?"

She shrugged.

"Shino?"

"Hmm?"

"You really want to stay here and learn, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then come over here. I want to teach you something myself."

I got up and walked out into the wide-open of the dojo. Puzzled, Shino followed.

I turned back to her and took her by the shoulders. "You remember when you said you wanted to pay me back?"

She blinked. "Y-yes."

"Well, now's the time. I'm going to need some real effort from you on this one. Okay?"

"Okay."

I assessed her for a moment, wondering how to begin.

She was much shorter than I, so of course her head was tilted up to look up at me. I thought for a second, a decided this was a good a place to start as any.

"Keep your eyes on mine," I instructed, "but lower your chin just a little. Stand strongly, don't look away."

Quizzical look still on her face, she did as I said.

"Kenshin…" I hesitated. "Kenshin was kind of small, just like you. But no matter how much taller someone was, he never actually looked up at anyone. Only with his eyes."

She blinked again in surprise. "What are we trying to do, Sano? Make me more like Kenshin?"

I snorted. "You are already too much like him as it is. It's just, Kenshin's the best model I have for this sort of thing."

"What sort of thing?"

I hesitated again, not certain if I was treading somewhere delicate. "You don't hold yourself very well, Shino."

"I don't?"

"No. Well… Kenshin was…humble. _Very _humble. Used to call himself unworthy _all _the damn time, though the rest of us had our opinions about that. _But_. Whatever Kenshin ignored of his own pride, he still kept up his digni--" I winced at the sudden memories of him running from policemen trying to arrest him for violating the sword-banning act, of getting knocked on his ass by the "monster bird-kick of rage" in a fit of Misao's temper, and of Kaoru beating the hell out of him the first time we brought Megumi home and decided maybe "dignity" was just a tiny bit too strong of a word.

"He took a lot off people, but it was always very clear that there were boundaries," I amended. "No one that he didn't want to touched him, no one he didn't allow to bullied him, and no one ever made him do something he didn't really want to do unless he _let _them make him."

"He _let _people bully him?"

"Yeah," I said, grinning with a mix of fondness and sheepishness at yet another memory, this one of me dangling Kenshin in the air by his shirt when he dared to suggest I'd gotten burned up in that fight with Hyottoko. "But we're straying from the subject. Just listen."

She stood up straighter, looking up at me with her eyes, but keeping her head perfectly level, an indulgent little smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "But Sano, all this doesn't look like I'm paying you back. It just looks like you're trying to help me again."

"The 'payback' part is coming. You see, I'm going to ask you to do something you're probably not going to like to do."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. So listen: the next time someone tries to push you around, try this." I took a deep breath and hollered, "_Get your hands off me, you scumbag_!"

Shino jumped back, startled.

I quickly steadied her, grinning at her wide-eyed expression. "I knew you wouldn't like the yelling, but you'd better get used to it. I want you to do a lot of it for the next ten minutes or so."

"Yelling? Like…like that?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because strong words like that will throw your opponent or attacker off-balance and empower you, and I want you to learn some. Go ahead and try it."

She turned the most adorable shade of pink, staring at me like I'd gone mad.

I smiled as encouragingly as I could. "Come on. I know you're used to being quiet and all, but you can do it."

She bit her lip. There was a silence, and my confidence wavered slightly. I wondered if I wasn't pushing too hard.

But when she looked up, her eyes were determined. I heard her pull in a deep breath, and I readied myself.

* * *

At breakfast the next morning, it took me almost three tries to make myself understandable enough to get seconds.

Kaoru passed me more food, looking from Shino to me with raised eyebrows. "What is with you two? Why are the both of you so hoarse you can barely speak?"

Shino looked at me, grinning. I grinned back. Kaoru rolled his eyes.

I tried to tell him we weren't _meaning _to keep secrets, but couldn't quite manage. Just one afternoon of my own "lesson" to Shino had pretty much caused my voice to give out, and hers wasn't much better.

It was actually _fun_, the little shouting-match we had gotten into. Making a game of it, of wits and comebacks, all of it loud and in the end had us on the floor laughing like a pair of idiots. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had so enjoyed myself. And Shino, her sparkling eyes and that little flush on her face from so much yelling and laughing, she looked almost drunk with fun, and the after-effects of it showed. She didn't really stop smiling all day.

I stayed for three days after that, just because I couldn't bring myself to leave any sooner. It felt good to be there, like being back home. How Kaoru and Shino fell into the familiar patterns of Jou-chan and Kenshin. There were differences too, of course, but I didn't really mind.

There was a noteable void, thought. Yahiko. I missed the little brat, and I still worried that this world's form of him might need help, but there was no real way of finding out that I could see. I was still hoping that a solution might present itself, as it had with Shino.

I might have stayed longer, but I found myself running out of both salve and tea.

Believing my friends to be busy in the yard testing poor Shino's endurance for downward swings, I sat with my back to the door in the room where I stayed, smearing the last of Grandma's medicine on my burned skin, wishing futilely that either it would just _heal _or that it at least wasn't such a large area to be burned.

Should have brought a second bag of the special tea that eased the sickness that came every few days, but I hadn't expected to want to stay longer. Hell, I'd come almost expecting Kaoru and Shino to, well, be acting like Jou-chan and Kenshin.

Although I knew from the appreciative gazes Kaoru gave Shino that he found her attractive (only a blind man wouldn't), I had observed the two of them together to see that it wasn't the same open-hearted love that Jou-chan had quietly cast over Kenshin for as long as I knew them.

This didn't trouble me as it should have. Extremely annoyed, I wrapped my poulticed arm in new bandages and tried to _make _myself feel troubled. I just assumed those two should be falling in love. They would be beating around the damn bushes as usual, but the truth should have been obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes.

Still I wasn't troubled. I didn't examine my feelings too closely, terrified that I'd actually find myself happy over this very backwards state-of-being. Again, did being a different gender make such a difference in things?

As a male Kaoru was far more mellow than the female Kaoru, not nearly as prone to running around yelling and his temper was kept carefully reigned in, as befitted a responsible man. Those were the big differences as far as personality went. But he was still as bright, enthusiastic, and as kind as Jou-chan.

Just as Shino was meeker and more vulnerable than Kenshin, but still had his great heart and amazing inner strength.

I tried to think about how Shino might have been looking at Kaoru, but every time I was near, I found her looking back at me. The only time she gave full attention to him was when training.

I snorted, about to tie off the bandaging where I'd finished up at my side when I hear a small, creaking noise. I breathed out in frustration, and without bothering to turn around, I reached out and pulled the shoji open. There was a satisfying thump as the two sneaks, with no door any longer supporting them, fell inside my room, one of them bumping against my lower back.

I looked over my shoulder at them. Shino had fallen in first, Kaoru tumbled on top of her. "Exactly why are two spying on me?" I said, reaching for my jacket.

Kaoru growled, frustrated. "We wouldn't have to if you'd just let us take a look at those wounds, Sano. There must be something wrong not only for you to still have to treat them, but to be hiding them as well!"

"Um…Kaoru-san?" came Shino's muffled voice.

"What? Oh!" He jumped off her quickly. "Sorry, Shino."

I stood up as well, shrugging my jacket back on and turning to see her straightening her clothes as well. "We're worried about you, Sano," she explained.

I fought to keep from beaming at her as I noticed she didn't look at the ground as she said this, even though she was a bit embarrassed about trying to get a peek at my unhealed burns. She kept her chin up and her eyes on me.

Instead I said, "You two are like a couple of kids. Peeking in on people. Hey, come to think of it, I heard you two have been practicing that little art on each other. Is that a regular part of swords-training?"

Shino's jaw dropped and Kaoru's face reddened. "Walking in on the bath was an _accident_!" he said a little shrilly. Shino turned bright red with a blue tinge just under her eyes.

I laughed as I walked past them and out the door. That was cruel, I know, but it had the desired effect: distraction.

How could I tell them why these weeks-old injuries won't heal when I didn't know the reason myself?

It was harder than the first time. Hard to look at Shino, who had in the moment I muttered the first syllables my parting words lost the last traces of her happy glow from our silly shouting game. I had forgotten for a short time how deep the hurt was settled into her eyes.

The return of old pain had been accompanied by a thick silence around her, as if there were words she wanted to say. I knew, without knowing how I knew, that she wanted to ask me to promise to return again, just like the first time, but she didn't felt like she had the right to ask again.

I hadn't been thinking about Kaoru, or Kenshin, or home, or anything else when I pulled her into my arms, holding as tightly as I could without actually harming her. All I cared about was soothing away the pain again. It was all that mattered. How she fit into my arms, the way she pressed her forehead against my chest, the way I could rest my own forehead on her hair, where her scent was strongest, it seemed so right, like I was whole for the first time I could remember.

It almost completely obliterated the faint jolt I got when I sensed Kaoru quietly slip inside to give us privacy, soothed away the apprehensions that I was being a fool, losing them in the wild spring scents that made up Shino. Her little fingers clutching at my jacket, holding me to her just as fiercely. I was scared. I was happy. I wanted to take back the embrace. I wanted to stay just like this, forever.

But forevers aren't measured by the actual Forever, and at some point between a prolonged goodbye and being too dazed to remember the last of my tea leaves and herbs found me shivering and sweating at Rei-baba's door.

I found her vivid cursing funny as she pulled me inside and pushed me to sit down by the fireplace. I was a little disappointed the place didn't smell so much like sandalwood oil anymore.

"You're a very stupid boy," she informed me, rummaging around for something to treat the fever.

"Yeah," I agreed, blinking sleepily at her back. I wasn't really listening to her berating me for not knowing how to take care of myself.

I was thinking about the redhead I'd left at the dojo, my whispered promise to return in only a few days, and I was sure the full eyes that looked up at me and the soft lips that brushed mine had to all be nothing more than the torments of the fever-dreams.

Shino really wanted _me_? Not Kaoru…?

"What are you crying about now?" Rei-baba snapped.

"Eh? Wh-what?" Was I talking out loud?

Her words were harsh, but her hands were gentle as she put a blanket around my shoulders.

"Forget it, Stupid Boy. Just go to sleep, I'll finish yelling at you in the morning. Dream of that girl I see in your eyes. Stop whining about wanting to give her away. And stop thinking about it so much. You're going to hurt yourself."

I looked up at the old lady's face. "Shino says I'm not stupid at all."

It was a goofy thing to say, but I my brain was swimming in vapor and heat, and at the time it seemed very important that Rei-baba know that.

She took the tea from fingers as I nodded off, and I heard her murmur, "If she says so. After all, Kid, yours is a brain only a love could love."

* * *

Author's note:

_Took too long for this one. Sorry. Been picking up a double shift at work for the last week, and I'm just so very tired. I ask for patience. (This means you, Fil.)_

_I wish I could take more time about this story. It could be a much better story. Or maybe it's okay as it is. I'm not sure anymore. Maybe I'll rewrite it more to my satisfaction someday. We'll see._

_For now: my silly little cousin made a request that Sano have an endearment for Shino, and after casting about, I made a small list of potential names and let her pick one out. "_Shiden-me_" was the one she wanted. It means "Violet Lighting-Eyes." She thinks it's cute. I'm just glad she didn't want him to call her "_Ichigo-atama_" (Strawberry-Head)._


	9. Sanosuke's Tact

So just stay there, in that place, and there I slowly come  
I still don't know the way, but I can still go  
Through the pain and the wind, I can make it home  
Just be patient, my love, my going is slow

8

Sanosuke's Tact

"I really, really hate this," I muttered darkly.

Among the old lady's eccentric collection was a very large mirror, cracked near the top and set in rusted metal stand that had once been gilded to look expensive. It was in this that I looked on my burns. Still blistered, still red, still hurting.

In the corner labeling her new vials of sandalwood oil, Rei-baba shrugged. "At least you didn't get hit in the face, Kid."

I grunted. Yeah, that would have been pretty bad…

"How am I supposed to explain this, though? They keep asking--"

"Just tell them to mind their own business."

"You don't know these people! They're so…persistent."

"Considered telling them the truth?"

"The truth? Oh, yeah, I can do that over dinner tomorrow night. 'Hey, Shino, the fish's great. By the way, did I happen to mention I magically traveled here by way of a mystic stone from a world where you're a man? That Kenshin guy I mentioned? That's really you.' How does that sound?"

"Not too shabby."

"You're not helping, Grandma."

She shrugged again. "When I first came here, I let the man who was later to become my husband believe I had been cursed for past misdeeds. When I went back to our old world, he actually came after me, and suffered a thunderbolt of his own. When he brought me back, he certainly had a new appreciation for the pain I dealt with to remain with him."

"Yeah?" I accepted a new canister of poultice and began applying it to my burns. It was a chore I was truly coming to hate. "Hey, Baba, can just anyone travel with those rocks?"

"Nope, just the lonely."

"A great many people get lonely."

"Yeah, but chances are, a great many people weren't going to die from it like you were."

"What? I wasn't going to die just because--"

She chuckled, throwing the new bottles onto shelves in no particular order. "I wasn't suggesting that you were going to curl up and waste away, but there are many ways that being very lonely can kill you. For example, you might take your life so for granted that you'd be willing to do extremely reckless, dangerous, or self-destructive things just because you believe that no one cares. Or your need for love could have become so great you'd believe anyone who reached out, and might have suffered a terrible betrayal. What do you think?"

The casual way she spoke made me squirm. That…did sound a little familiar. The first part, anyway.

"I still don't know about this--"

"Kid, if you're going to start bouncing back and forth again on this, I'll kick you out on your ass. You hear me?" The old woman waved a heavy ladle at me menacingly. "I understand why you're so confused, but you're under the impression that love's a destined thing, that certain people are meant to fall in love. If that was so, then how could a person love more than once in the same lifetime? How many times has _that _happened? The heart is as boundless as the sky if you let it be. Are you listening to me, Son? Love is a _choice_. You choose to love someone as readily as you choose to hate someone. You can be given reasons to love or to hate, but in the end, it's still your choice to feel the way you do."

"But…you said the stone brought me to someone I'd--"

She turned back to her work. "The stone took you to someone you could love, and to someone who needed you. Someone who could love _you _and someone _you _needed. She's drawn to you, and you to her, but not by any magic from the stone. Just because it knew that you _could _love each other didn't meant that you would choose to. You've been on the verge of leaving since you came here. Nothing is forcing you to stay."

"Other than my lack of knowledge to get back?"

She shrugged again. "You can go back anytime. All you have to do is ask me how."

I fiddled with the clean new bandage strips, turning from the mirror. I still hadn't asked how to get back. That hadn't gone unnoticed… But that's just because I wasn't ready to go back yet.

I mulled over what she said a while, letting the gentle wind from the open windows blow over the fresh coat of poultice, in no hurry to mummify myself again just yet. I thought about what the old woman was trying to tell me.

I turned my face to the wind, unable to keep back my smile.

* * *

"Sanosuke."

I jerked my head toward Rei-baba, a little surprised because she had never actually used my name before. She had abandoned her tools and was looking out into the forest, a frown making the lines around her mouth stand out sharply. I thrust my shovel into the ground, glad for a chance to stop trying to dig out a particularly old and very deep-rooted sandal tree.

"What is it, Grandma?"

She looked concerned for moment, then snorted. "There's another injured boy out there," she said, pointing vaguely south.

"Injured boy?" I looked where she pointed, but I couldn't see anything but trees and foliage. "Where?"

"A little ways off. I can sense him there. Come on, then. We'd better go and see what we can do for him."

We walked much farther out into the woods than she should have ever been able to see, and finally came up on a huddled form trying to steady himself against a boulder. Dried blood coated the arm gripping the stone, and his other hand was wrapped tightly around his ribs. He lifted his head, hearing us coming, and looked at us with bleak sapphire eyes.

"_Kaoru_!" I cried, rushing past Rei-baba.

He fell into me, gripping my shoulders for support. "Sano! Thank God. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find you," he said in a strangled voice. "I'm sorry, so sorry… I tried to protect her--I'd have died before I'd let them have her…but she was afraid they'd kill me--she went with them…I tried to stop her…Sano, I'm so sorry--"

I looked down at his bowed head in growing terror. "Kaoru!" I snapped to shut up his delirious babbling. He quieted instantly and lifted him slightly and then set him down against he boulder. "Baba--!"

"Yes, yes," the old lady said testily, already digging in the small back she kept slung over her shoulders. "Get off his clothes, Boy, and let's see what he's done to himself."

Kaoru resisted, though. Grabbing at my arm he said, "Sanosuke, never mind me! You have to help Shino!"

"What happened? Where is she?"

He made a soft, choking noise, his eyes unfocusing again. "So stupid… I knew she was a slave, but I didn't think for second…someone would be looking for her."

"What?" I said desperately. It was all I could do not to shove Rei-baba out of the way and shake him until he made some kind of sense. "Kaoru!"

He looked back at me, then gritted his teeth, trying to focus. "It's been two days, Sano," he said throatily. "You said you were working in the forest this way. Took so long to find you… They came to the dojo, and he had papers and everything." He shook his head.

"Papers? What are you talking about? _Kaoru_!" I said sharply.

His eyes snapped back to me. "Ownership papers…Shino belongs to him."

I stared down at him, fighting the waves and waves of horror threatening to crush me.

"The old man, he let her go," Kaoru babbled. "She saved his son's life, and he let her go as thanks. But the old man's dead now, and the boy wanted her back…" His eyes slid shut.

"Kaoru--!" I caught him before he slumped forward.

Rei shook her head as she peeled away his blood-sodden gi. "Damn," she whispered.

"No," I said, not sure what I was denying. I clenched my fists, trying to stop my hands from shaking. "I don't understand. If someone…owned Shino but let her go, then how could--"

"Once a slave, always a slave," the old lady said roughly. "Just because the man who owned your girl let her go her own way for doing him a service never meant she was free. That just meant that his heir could take up her receipt of sale and claim ownership of her again. It's completely legal."

I whirled, my feet set to fly back to town, but the old lady was remarkably fast, grabbing my wrist. "Sanosuke, wait!"

I tried to shake her off, but she only tightened her grip. "Let go, you crazy old hag! Get off! She needs me!"

"I'm glad," she gritted, using my arm to pull herself off her knees, "that you finally realize that. But you don't know where she is, and your other friend here--who is badly injured and _also _needs your help--is the only one who can give you that information. Now act like you've got some sense for once and help me get him back to the house."

* * *

"Sano… You're still here?"

"Of course I am, Idiot!"

I think that had been the longest eight hours of my life, hovering around Kaoru's bedside, glaring at his eyelids as if I could will them to open. Grandma kept saying something like, "a watched pot never boils," but I didn't have any concentration to spend on sorting through her stupid metaphors.

Kaoru blinked slowly, eyelids sliding heavily over his dark blue eyes. "We've got to help Shino."

"I know!" I said through very clenched teeth.

He tried to sit up, but I pressed him down, keeping my hands away from the bandages and very nasty bruises that seemed to over him from shoulders to abdomen. "Stay down. You're really hurt."

Drifting from somewhere outside in the herb garden, I heard Rei-baba's warning of, "If he tears his stitches, there'll be hell to pay."

Kaoru looked in the direction of her voice. "Who is that?"

"The crazy old lady who saved your life. Where the hell is Shino?"

He took a deep breath, flinching. "With Horibuchi Seiji," he gritted.

"Who is that?"

"Shino's _master_," he hissed, as if he'd just been forced to say a foul word. "That son of a bitch. He thought he could just come and take her. Had a lot of hired help with him. The law was on his side too. I'm so sorry, Sano."

I could say nothing, just stood shaking with growing rage.

"It's her fault too," Kaoru said, surprising me so that it went down a level. He stared at the ceiling. "That girl…is very brave," he whispered. "I hope I _never _need the kind of courage she has."

"What?" I said softly, suddenly afraid.

"She asked me not to tell you," he said in the same haunted voice. "I was on the ground with swords pointed at me. She said she'd go with them quietly if they didn't harm me. She said not to tell you what happened, to just say she just ran away… Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid, _stupid _girl. Trying to protect _us_--" He broke off with a little gasp, not finished talking before he ran out of air. "How can I live with myself if he hurts her?"

"It's not your fault, Kaoru," I said roughly. "It's mine. I should have been there. I should _never _have just left her!"

I got up, stiffly moving for the door. "Tell me where she is."

"Seiji's father bought Shino when she was just a little kid. Even if he let her go, Shino belongs to Seiji by right of inheritance. You'll be in trouble with the law if you just go in and take her. Shino will be really upset if you get yourself arrested or killed on her account."

I turned back to look at him. He lay tiredly on Rei-baba's bed, a few drops of sweat at his hairline. He wasn't trying to talk me out of anything. He was simply stating the facts.

I snorted. "Screw them all. And Shino will get over it."

He closed his eyes. "Then listen and I'll tell you how to get there…"

* * *

I ran all the way back to the city. I did not get lost.

Kaoru had a good idea of prominent landmarks. Using the dojo as a starting point, I sprinted through the streets. I saw the beef bowl house. A string of shops. The marketplace. Long street. Lady's yard with a lot of cats. Left turn. Right turn. Running straight until the land started to rise and the city thinned out and then gave way to tightly manicured gardens.

Yet another rich man enjoying another western-style mansion. It sprawled out proudly over an immense plot of land, framed on either side by elaborate hedge-mazes.

I stood just where the cover of spindly little trees ended. I was soaking wet with sweat, dizzied with my day-long racing, but fever and fatigue were the farthest things from my mind.

Shino needed me.

Damn it… It… It just wasn't fair!

Every time I closed my eyes even for the briefest moment, all I could see were Shino's wounded eyes. Damn it to the darkest pit of hell! Just one look at her in a single, unguarded moment, or listening to the noises she made when she slept and any fool could tell she had suffered more than anyone should ever have to suffer. Especially a soul like hers. A scarred and beautiful soul who tried to protect others even when she so badly needed and almost never got protection herself.

No more. Never again. I would not let this happen again. No one would hurt her again. No one would frighten her, look down on her, make her feel ashamed. I was sick of seeing those things in her face, her eyes, her posture. Never again. I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't _allow _it!

I didn't care that my heart was trying to ram its way out of my chest. Who cared if my lungs burst? I didn't need air. I needed to get Shino.

I needed her to feel different things. I needed to know that she would feel warm. Warm and safe. Protected. I wanted to show her myself, wanted it with all my soul. I no longer cared if she learned to defend herself or not, because I would do that for her from now on. My arms could be as gentle with her in them as they were strong against the things that were outside them. I'd shelter her forever.

If she only chose to let me.

They weren't going to let me in.

Not that much could stop me. I couldn't remember feeling such a cold detachment in my entire life. Battle usually made my blood run high, but this was like fighting my way through a cold, featureless tunnel to a warm light beyond.

A light I prayed held Shino, safe and unharmed.

Otherwise it didn't matter who I backhanded out of my way. I remember several people ran up to me. I remember thinking I hadn't minded so much, back in my world, when a lot of guys carried wooden swords instead of steel. But it didn't matter in the end.

I had caught them by surprise.

I must have looked like a demon. Disheveled and flushed and drenched from hours of running. Teeth bared, eyes flashing. It made me almost wish they had been prepared for me. But they weren't. No one had been expecting someone to just come bashing his way in. The effect was wasted, really.

Servants scattered like cockroaches, and my only opposition were a handful of surprised bodyguards. Lousy security. Paid cheaply. Good against the regular stuff.

But not guys like me.

Had any of those guys slashed Kaoru? Or put their hands on my Shino, taking her from a place I was so sure she'd be safe?

Someone was going to pay dearly, oh-so-dearly when I found him.

I was trembling with exertion and carefully conserved rage when I found myself in a hall. Groans came from behind me, but I was out of opposition, save for a small, wiry young man with glasses standing in the doorway. He didn't try to attack me or get in my way, nor did he run like the ones who had no intention of stopping me or getting in my way.

I reached out and snagged him by the scruff of his western-style suit. "You! Are you Horibuchi Seiji?" I ground out.

"Tadao…Horibuchi Tadao," he corrected flatly, as if I was disturbing his tea time or something. "Seiji is my older brother. What has he done now?"

"I'm looking for a girl!" I snapped. "She's got red hair, crossed scars on her right cheek. Tell me where she is."

The threat was heavy and very real in the air, but the young man barely blinked. "You're looking for my brother's slave--"

"Shino is no one's slave! No one's!" I shouted, my voice ragged with outrage.

Tadao's lips pursed in annoyance. "Well, I don't know what she told you, but she does by law belong to my brother, inherited from my father, her original owner--"

"If you say that again, I will snap your neck," I said, the last vestiges of my patience completely gone. "Tell me where Shino is. I'm taking her away from here. _Now_."

I jerked him out of the doorway and sent him stumbling along the hall.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled. "Let's see… Seiji was very angry with her for messing up her face, so she'd been confined for a while, but he may have moved her if he's forgiven her yet. Perhaps so. The damage isn't so very bad. We might as well go and see…"

I followed him through the twists and turns, barely seeing the richness of the place. Not caring about his words as he murmured on. There was only one thing I wanted from this place.

He stopped suddenly and I nearly bumped into him.

"Wha--" I began, but then I heard it too.

A man's voice cursing. "…tell me 'no,' _you _don't tell _me _'no'…"

My heart began to pound as I shoved passed the young man with glasses and moved toward the voice.

"…forgotten your place…you're mine, I own you…"

"…_no_…"

A sharp smacking sound made me break into a run.

"_GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU SCUMBAG_!"

My run became a sprint, reaching out with my fists to connect with the arching doors at the end of the hall.

They burst inward, one of them falling off the hinges and landing with a deafening boom on the floor.

A canopied bed, lost in billowing gossamer curtains was in the middle of a giant room with no windows.

I spared no attention for the man who jerked up, shocked at my banging entrance.

All I had eyes for was Shino, trapped beneath him. I saw his hands, though, still trying to undo the insanely complicated knots that she had tied her obi and the bindings on her small chest into in a heartbreaking effort to protect herself from the very thing he had been trying to do to her. Her hands were behind her back, evidentially tied there. Bruises and fingers marks were on her bare shoulders and slender arms. A nasty bruise almost the same color of her eyes spreading from the corner of her mouth and over half of her scar.

She looked back at me, her eyes bright with feverish terror. "S…Sanosuke?" she whispered.

Horibuchi Seiji, who at the scant glance I gave him seemed to be not much more than a bigger, sharper version of his younger brother Tadao, saw my face and had the good since to jump off the bed and take several steps backwards.

I ignored him for the moment, striding to the bed I pulled Shino out of it, setting her on her feet. I carefully freed her hands and shucking my jacket I wrapped it around her shoulders, then turned her toward the door. "Go," I said tersely. "Get out of here. Go to the woods. Hide. Wait for me there. _Now_," I added when she opened her mouth to protest, not in the mood for argument.

Trembling slightly, she moved along with me as I pushed her toward the door. I watched until she disappeared to make sure she obeyed me, catching sight of a irritated-looking Tadao. He wisely made no move to stop her.

Behind me, Horibuchi seemed to find his voice. First he called shrilly for his guards, but only saw his younger brother step up, and it wasn't to defend him we saw as the young man leaned against he wall to watch. "He took them all out, Elder Brother. No one's coming."

Horibuchi's eyes flicked back to me. "Who the hell are you and what do you want?"

He backed away as I moved toward him. "You'd piss yourself if I told you what I _wanted _right now, you sickening bastard," I hissed. "I've been told she saved your life, and this is how you repay her?"

His eyes widened, then narrowed. "For a slave, nineteen years of freedom is payment enough for something so ridiculous as pulling a little boy from a river," he snarled.

"A _freezing _river," Tadao corrected quietly from behind us. "You would have died if she hadn't been there, Elder Brother."

Horibuchi snarled an obscenity at him. "She was to be _mine_! I couldn't believe it when the old man just let her go, and I couldn't believe it when I found her again. But of course he didn't mind letting her go. He'd already had her so many times. No more, though. She's mine by right. I have the documentation there."

I didn't bother to follow where his finger pointed. Whether it was a trick to distract me or not, I honesty didn't care if there were papers that stated that Shino was owned by anyone. _He'd already had her so many times… _The words were enough to send me teetering over the edge.

Before I was aware of moving, I had him pinned to the wall with my arm, teeth bared and growling. Fear flickering satisfyingly in his eyes.

"I swear before everything that is holy you will never get a chance to hurt her again." My eyes moved from his face to catch his brother, who had finally dropped the unconcerned attitude, staring back at me with dark, solemn eyes.

I turned my face back to Horibuchi. "Never again," I was my fiercely whispered promise.

* * *

An hour was spent stomping through the woods around the Horibuchi home, and I spent most of it cursing.

It was my own fault. I'd told her to come out here and hide, but I guess I'd somehow expected it to be easy for me to find her again. I should have known. Even badly shaken up, the blasted girl was clever.

I'd wanted to get her quietly and get the hell out of this place, but I'd soon had to resort to calling for her, finally hearing a gentle cry of an answer back and following it to a fallen, hollowed-out tree so covered with undisturbed moss that it was easy to overlook as a potential hiding place.

I should have been more gentle, but I reached in anyway and dragged her out, grasping at my jacket before it could slip from her shoulders. I shook her slightly. "Shino, are you okay? Are you all right?"

She opened her mouth, her glassy eyes on my chin. "Yes. No. I…I don't know…"

If anything could have prepared me for a girl to cry, the events of this day had. She didn't burst into tears, or become hysterical, but then I hadn't expected her to, being who she was. She breathed deeply and slowly as she cried, obviously having trained herself to weep quietly. I just held her and let her do it, somehow not feeling as clumsy as I might have with any other girl in need of comfort.

After a time her breathing quieted. She looked up from where she had been pressed to my chest. I smiled gently at the sight of her upturned face, sweet with its wide eyes and tear streaks that I lifted a hand to rub away with my thumb.

"Sano…you came," she said.

I snorted. "Well of course I did, you little fool. Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head, but I passed my thumb over the wide bruise on her cheek, silently letting her know I knew otherwise. "It doesn't matter now. He'll never be able to harm you again."

She blinked slowly, then her eyes widened. "S-sano? Sano, did you…?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Did I what?"

Distressed, Shino's face swung in the direction the house lay.

I chuckled. "There are very few times that I've ever wanted to kill someone more, _Shiden-me_. But I didn't kill Horibuchi. I had a feeling you wouldn't much approve of that no matter how he deserved it."

She breathed out, relieved, looking back to me. "But…but you said--"

"He can't touch you again. He has no claim to you now, none at all. You see I, uh…"

"Sano?"

I smiled sheepishly at her. "Well, I um… I bought you, Shino. I had to use all the money I had been saving for your tuition, but I bought you."

Her jaw dropped.

"Well, I had to do something. He took a little convincing--" I flexed my fists, "--but eventually he saw things my way."

She smiled gently.

"He was very angry, though. We'd better watch ourselves."

She nodded. "Is Kaoru-san all right?"

"Yeah, I left him with Rei-baba. Climb up." I turned around and bent my knees slightly, the way I did when I had carried her piggyback from Kyoto to Tokyo weeks ago.

She smiled. "But I can walk, Sano."

"So what? Climb up."

She sighed good-naturedly, doing as I said. Once she was securely on my back I started moving at a goodly pace, eager to get away from the city before Noribuchi roused his guards or called the police or something.

"Sano?"

"Yeah?"

"So I, um…I belong to you now?"

"Yeah, I guess you do."

"What are you going to do with me then?"

"What am I going to do with you? I'm going to keep you."

"Dwah?" she exclaimed.

I laughed. Then after a pause I asked, a little tentatively, "Is that okay with you?"

There was another pause.

"Yes," she answered softly.


	10. Belong to Me

When I get there, I'll make you smile  
I will soothe the ice from your cheeks  
I move toward you, it'll be just a while  
If I can just find it, the path that I seek

9  
Belong to Me

"Sano…"

"I'm trying!"

"I…I'm not going to make it."

"Oh, yes you are. Don't you _dare_, Shino--"

"_Nnghh_--!"

"Just hold on! Hang in there."

She clutched at the sides of her hakama, the tips of her fingers blistered and nails broken from trying to undo her own hopeless knotting of her obi for almost three hours before coming to me for help, any issue of modesty forgotten in her desperation. I could easily sympathize; having to hold a full bladder for such an extended period was really painful. Not only that, but I could see she had tied the belt so tightly around herself that it was cutting into the flesh of her stomach and hips.

She squirmed in agony and no small amount of embarrassment as I knelt in front of her, trying my best to pull the crazy knots free.

"How did you even _do _this?" I groaned, becoming a little desperate myself. The poor girl was really suffering here. Wetting yourself because you're trapped in your own clothes is _not _good for your mental health.

She pressed her knuckles into her eyelids, trembling.

"Do…do you want me to tear it free?"

She hesitated for a second, then nodded. It didn't look like we had much of a choice left. I grasped the obi where it was closest to the knot and with a quick jerk snapped it apart. Shino's small hands gripped her pants before they could come loose and she dashed past me, tearing into the woods. I thought she might have just achieved godspeed that time.

I waited on the path for her, fidgeting impatiently. I'd grown so possessive and protective, almost unreasonably so, over this girl in the last twenty-four hours that her not being where I could see that she was safe made me very, very anxious. She'd holler if she needed me, wouldn't she? If any of those guys from the mansion followed us and found her out there alone, she'd call for my help and not stay quiet for fear I'd get hurt, right? Right?

There was a soft rustle, and her tousled red head appeared. I sighed my relief, smiling at her.

She didn't smile back. The poor girl stood sheltered with boughs at the edge of the woods, a furious blush across her cheeks and nose.

"You okay?"

She nodded but didn't come out.

I ran a hand through my hair. "We made a mess of your clothes, didn't we?" I guessed.

Another nod.

I picked up my jacket, which had been thrown aside in our hurry to undo the terrible knots, and I held the ruined obi in the other. "Well, come out here. We'll see if we can fix it a little."

The blush deepened as she move reluctantly out of the shrubbery and back onto the path, clutching at her hakama for dear life. Wearing a hakama with no gi didn't do much for anyone's dignity, low as the openings were at the sides, but I tried not to seem like I was looking as she carefully walked toward me.

But really…I couldn't help it.

It nearly took my breath away how beautiful she really was. She was slender, but gently curved and toned by a lot of moving about. I liked the lines and shadows about her bare little tummy, and how her legs were nicely rounded by a lot of walking. Her chest was small, wrapped thoroughly in her bandaging, but it suited her fine. She was petite, compact.

A grin crept up on my face, try as I might to fight it.

"What are you smiling about, Sano?" she wanted to know, a slight narrowing of her eyes above her blush that clearly stated "you'd better not be laughing at me for this".

I stepped forward and quickly wrapped her up in my jacket. "I was just remembering something that this reminds me of."

"What?" she wondered as we tied her clothing closed with the broken obi.

"Well…there was this one time my friends and I from back home took this trip to Kyoto to visit some other friends and just get out of the routine of ordinary life, I guess. Yahiko, who was maybe almost eleven at the time, and I were going along with Kenshin to visit his old teacher on the mountain while the girls stayed behind at the inn where our friends lived. There was a river we were following. It must have rained for a while before we came because it was really high and loud and pretty dangerous.

"Yahiko was so full of energy that day, swinging around his training sword, talking. It was sunny, but not too hot. Lots of insect and bird noises. No impending battles or looming bad guys. I guess we were all feeling so good it was bound to happen."

"What?"

"The kid. He was clambering over rocks around the river instead of walking around them like a normal person. So of course he managed to miss a step and went tumbling head over heels right into the river.

"And Kenshin, being Kenshin, tossed his sword and the jug of sake he was bringing along for his master to me and jumped right in after him."

"Oh, no…" she murmured.

"I was cursing them both for a couple of idiots as I ran alongside the riverbank, looking for them. Yahiko had fallen in and sank like a stone, but Kenshin broke the surface several times, and was getting swept away faster than I could follow. In no time, I'd lost sight of both of them."

Shino and I had sat down in the shade, just out of sight of the path. I stared past her, seeing the river sweeping away my friends all over again, Kenshin's crimson head getting smaller and smaller the further it took him.

"What could I do? I just kept running, carrying that damn sake and Kenshin's sword. I was terrified at the time, and I kept thinking to myself, 'Jou-chan is going to kill me! Jou-chan is going to kill me!'"

"So what happened?" Shino asked when I paused.

I grinned. "Well, I found them."

"You did?"

"Yeah. They were quite some ways down the river. Kenshin had found and gotten a hold of Yahiko, and the two of them managed to work their way to the shallows and claw their way out like a pair of half-drowned rats. But, you see, the thing was--" I broke off, snickering.

"What?"

"Well, the river was really raging…"

"Uh?"

"_Really _raging."

Shino blinked.

"Well, the water sort of twisted and jerked them around so much that it, uh, well…"

"…Sano?"

"The water wrenched all the clothing from their bodies."

"Oh!"

"Yep. But I was so happy to see them I didn't care at first. It was a miracle they survived at all, so who the hell cared about clothes? But…after they recovered some…"

"Started to get embarrassing?"

"Oh, yeah. I didn't have much to offer except my jacket." I reached out and tugged her sleeve. "This very one you're wearing. Kenshin, again being Kenshin, had it go to Yahiko, so that he had to go on wearing exactly what he wore the day he was born until I found his hakama caught on some branches back upstream. When I brought him to him he had this 'oh thank God!' look on his face." I chuckled, remembering the expression of embarrassed gratitude the rurouni had on his face as covered himself in his remaining garment. I couldn't help my smile back then either, and the way that back then, at that time, another red-headed Himura had gripped his pants and glared at me: _You'd better not be laughing at me for this!_

I laughed out loud at the memory, Shino softly joining in with a short chuckle. Then…my mirth ended very suddenly with a familiar pain spreading out from my chest…

_Kenshin…Yahiko…_

Warm fingers suddenly entwined with mine, and I found myself looking into soft purple eyes. "You miss them so much…don't you?"

I nodded slowly. "I…I miss…the way they used to look at me. No matter how much I teased or mooched or lazed or made a nuisance of myself…they would always…forgive me for it. For no reason at all. They would always…smile at me. They aways let me in. Like they really…they really…"

She knelt up smoothly, sliding her arms around me. She lulled me in with a gentle, rocking motion. With anyone else, I might have been embarrassed, but with her…all there seemed to be to do was relax into her.

"Oh, Sano. You look so hurt," she said softly.

I inhaled sharply. _I _looked hurt? _I_ did?

"The look in your eyes, like everyone who ever loved you is gone. Like you're all alone," she said. "I wish I could take that look from you."

My mouth slackened in shock. Her cheek was pressed into my hair, so she couldn't see my face.

"Sometimes I think I do," she continued, still gently rocking. "Sometimes I make you smile. Sometimes I even make you laugh. I love that, when the pain is gone from you, from your eyes, your face, from your shoulders, and there's only laughter. I like the way you laugh. Your head's back, mouth wide, wild and loose and free. I wish I could make you feel that way all the time."

I reached up and gripped her arm, the one she had put around my chest. "Sh…Shino…" I whispered.

"That's why when you said you wanted to keep me, I also thought I'd like to stay with you. Maybe I can make you less lonely, because I remind you of the friend you lost."

"No," I said softly. Then, a little louder, "No, no…"

I sat up, breaking her hold, and quickly pulling her into my arms, my eyes blazing into hers. "No, Shino! It's not because-- Well, at first, I wanted to help you because you reminded me of him… But now, now I…I want to be with you because you're you. Because I love to make _you _laugh, and _you _smile. Because all I've cared about these last weeks of my life is you. Because--"

I stopped, feeling miserably inadequate to describe my feelings. Wasn't there some other way I could…?

I looked at her sweet face, turned up to meet mine… I looked from her eyes to her lips and then back to her eyes, asking permission. Her lips parted slightly, giving it.

The first time we had kissed had been gentle and chaste, a spontaneous moment that neither of us had seemed able to help. This time, it was choice. Want. Need.

I had dreamed of moments like this, each time reminding myself the beautiful creature I held so closely against my heart needed a gentle touch, gentle love, sheltering her against the harshness she had known. But now as I truly held her, I found I wanted to move, touch, and feel everything slowly, savoring the sweet taste of her, the softness of her skin, her gaze, her breath.

I licked at her bottom lip, and her mouth parted with a little gasp, allowing me to slip inside. A heat began to build inside me as we broke away for air. She was trembling as she looked up at me.

I realized with terrifying certainty that she had never willingly loved anyone before. Swallowing, I put my hand behind her head and very carefully lay her down in the grass, never breaking eye contact.

"_Shiden-me_," I breathed, leaning over her, taking her mouth with mine again. "Listen to me. I meant it when I said I wanted to keep you. May I do that? Will you let me have you? Will you be mine?"

"For how long?" she whispered against my lips, eyes fully intent on mine.

"For as long as you want _me_," I told her, my voice sounding low and thick in my ears. "I…my friends…they each had a piece of my heart with them, part of me stays with them no matter where I go. I miss them so much on some days its hurts even to breathe… But if I had to leave _you _now, my heart would shatter. There'd be nothing left. I need you, Shino. I need to have you with me always.

"I…I can't promise we'll ever have very much, but I can promise I'll always see you fed. And that I'll protect you always with my very life. And that I'll cherish you until the very day I die…"

Her little hands came up and came to rest on either side of my face. "Then, Sanosuke, can you say the same? Can you give yourself to me as well? Belong to me, belong in my arms only? Mine, mine to have, mine to protect, mine to love?"

_Mine to love…_

I breathed in shakily, my heart swelling out in understanding of what she was saying…of a great sense of completion that I had had no idea could ever exist.

"Yes. I can. I can say that with all of my heart."

She looked away suddenly. "Sano…I've been…H-Horibuchi-sama, he--"

I turned her face back to mine and silenced her with another kiss. I could have said that I didn't care about that or told her to forget it, but somehow that didn't seem like enough.

Still holding the kiss I very quickly pulled free the knot in her obi and eased my jacket down her shoulders. "Shino, listen to me carefully. I'm going to do something. I'm going to take away his touch from you and replace it with mine."

She shook her head slightly, not understand.

I slid my jacket from her small body easily, laying it aside. "Just be still and tell me a place you can remember bad touches, or being hurt. Don't be afraid. It's only me."

She hesitated, then her hand took my hand in hers and guided it to the soft part of her arm, there bruises in the shape of handmarks were. We were going to start with Seiji's touch first, I saw.

Understanding, I ran my hand over the bruises, wishing I'd roughed up Horibuchi Seiji a little more when I had the chance. Then I lowered my head and covered the area with butterfly kisses. She shivered, breathing in sharply.

She showed me again, to the other arm, to other fresh bruises. I took care of some myself that she missed, touched the places on her tummy and sides were the too-tight obi and broken her skin. And, remembering what Kaoru had told me back at the dojo, I leaned up for only a moment, turning her right arm to expose the inner flesh. Seeing nothing, I looked at the left arm.

There. It was a small, only about the size of my thumb. It was only her name, _Himura_, burned in such a stylized way that you had to look close to see that it was really a word and not just a flowery design.

Leaning low over it, I let my breath trickle over the brand, wondering when she had been marked with this and the pain it must have caused her.

I jerked back in surprised when she sobbed. I looked at her face, frightened I had done something wrong. Her eyes were squeezed shut, leaking tears.

"Sh-shino?"

She opened her eyes again. "D-don't stop, Sano. Please. It's good." She smiled, tears running freely down her cheeks. "It's becoming better. Please don't stop."

I nodded slowly, bending down to kiss away her tears before I returned to the mark on her arm. I breathed gently on it again, then kissed the mark the same as I had the bruises.

The light was soft, the sky mixing purple with orange, shadows just beginning to cover us. But I had only begun. Turning away from the brand, I looked to her again.

"Okay?"

"Yes."

"Where else? Guide me."

Her hand was over mine again, brushing our fingers over her chest before bringing my fingerstips to rest on the scar on her right cheek. My eyes widened, and her eyes closed and her hand slid from mine.

"Shino," I breathed. "Did…did Horibuchi…?"

She shook her head, rubbing the scar against my fingertips with the movement.

Someone else, then. I turned away the anger that crept into my heart. Someday I would ask her who gave her that scar. If they were still alive and I could find them, they were going to be treated to a living hell.

For now, though, I had to try to heal it for her.

I ran my thumb over the perfect lines, wondering if I even could. I knew the scars Kenshin bore were wounds for him that never really healed. Would it be the same for his twin?

Could it be there was some long-gone love and a bloodshot past connected with these scars, as there was for Kenshin?

Rei-baba said that things followed suit…

I faltered for the first time, not sure if my strength was enough to overcome the horrors she had known, marked here forever on her face.

Then I saw her looking back at me. Her eyes were smiling. Trusting. Believing.

Unable to resist, I nuzzled her nose with mine, earning myself a giggle before I turned my attention back to the scar.

I placed my face close to her, breathing softly on it as I had the brand. Again she shivered. I smiled, pressed my cheek over hers. "Become mine," I whispered, remembering her words from before. "Mine to have, mine to protect, mine to love."

There was another soft sob from her, and I drew back to check on her.

She was smiling at me, her eyes somehow both dark and brilliant in the fading light. No one had ever looked at me that way before, with such warm love and…gratitude.

She reached up and guided my head down to hers. As we shared another long, slow kiss I knew that I hadn't taken away all the pain, but I had made it better. For us, for now, it was enough. Enough for beginning a lifetime of love to slowly overtake the pain.

"Where else?" I asked her when we broke apart again.

"Not yet," she said. "I believe it's your turn now."

"My turn?"

She urged me to sit up, and then, kneeling beside me, had me lie down on the grass as I had her.

"Now tell _me _where it hurts, Sano. Let me cover your pain with my touch."

Marveling at this girl I'd chosen to love, I led her hands to old scars. I didn't have many that really pained me the way she did, but the feel of her lips and fingertips ghosting over the old wounds were soothing to the place where it had really hurt: inside.

This was Shino. She couldn't belong to me without me belonging to her. I couldn't comfort her without being comforted by her. And I couldn't protect her without being protected by her.

It was a night of healing touch. There were people waiting for us, but for now all that mattered was how we needed each other.

My first night with her in my arms. I'd covered us both with my jacket, listening to her breath. She slept so heavily, like children do. She even mumbled a little in her sleep, little fingers moving against my chest where her arm rested. So endearing.

Few nights ever passed when I didn't think of home, and tonight was no exception. But it was different. For the first time, there was no pain.

I was me. But now I had another half. I was whole. I felt…belonged. This was where I _belonged_. This was where I needed to be.

I turned my face to the top of my woman's head, and let the scent of sandalwood and spring wind carry me to join her in sleep.

* * *

Author's note:

_Eep. So tired. Um. I don't think I'm going to make it to my cousin's birthday. Running out of time. One thing I can't seem to manage to impress on her, especially since she's not a writer herself, is that writing a story, even as enjoyable and fulfilling as I find it, takes a lot of work and effort. It's not always this easy, flowing thing she seems to think it is._

_I will still try, though._

_Other than that all I really have to comment on is a change to the summary. My cousin worded the last one, and the new one. She wanted the other one to sound mysterious. But after reading some of my reviews and picking out just a couple of complaints about it, she decided she wanted it changed to something a little more blunt. I don't have much patience with summaries, but I do understand their importance. Still, I don't know if the one one's any better than the old one, but... :Shrug: It's her birthday present._

_Okay then. Very tired, up at five in the morning writing fanfiction like a ninny. Sheesh. Ah, well... 'Night. :)_


	11. Interlude: Scars

Interlude: Scars

The seasons were oddly out of sync from back home. It had been spring when I'd been struck by that lightning, and I'd woken up into the beginning of fall.

Shino, I found, liked autumn. It was her favorite season. Kenshin, he liked the spring.

In all the similarities and differences between those two, I think this was one of the ones that disturbed me the most…

I think…I think this might have bothered me a little because it helped me see the sharpest difference between the two. My friend Kenshin was a slayer of men. The strong, vigorous rebirth of life in the spring was more soothing to him than it was to Shino, who could innocently enjoy the inadvertent beauty of the season when things died.

There had been a few times when I wished there was a way the two could have met, but later I would think…

Well… Would it have caused Kenshin pain, knowing Shino? Vise-versa?

…I'm reminded of a memory… This one spring day, one warm day in a spring of very warm days, and as a treat for the kids, we were dragged out of our daily routines to take a lunch and eat it out on a walk.

Jou-chan, Yahiko, Kenshin, Megumi, and me, with Ayame and Susume running circles around us as we went. The lunch was made by Megumi, so it was a good one. The little girls were tearing everywhere, and we older ones sat nearby talking about things that didn't matter.

We didn't notice the girls had wandered just out of sight until we heard their voice calling for someone to come. Kenshin, as always, got up and went, an indulgent little smile on his face. We didn't pay him much mind since he wasn't in too deep in our conversation of nothing anyway, until we heard him calling for Megumi a few moments later.

We found the three of them a little distance away. Kenshin had lifted little Ayame onto a rock and was holding his hands over her foot to stop its bleeding. The kid had fallen while running around and gotten a rock lodged in the junction of where her toe and the curve of her foot met, where a small vein was to be.

When the stone bad been removed, the wound bled a lot, but she wasn't in any real pain, just a little shaken. Megumi took over from there, and the others cheered the little girl for bravery.

I left them fawning on the kid, back to where the remains of our lunch was, wondering if I could snag what was left of the rice balls before Kaoru got back. I noticed Kenshin before I got there, standing a good distance away, his back to all of us. His head was down.

Something was wrong…

I moved to him quickly, wondering what the trouble was. He didn't seem to noticed me, his eyes fixed on his hands, streaked with Ayame's blood. And I knew what was wrong. He'd just been trying to staunch the flow, but…

"Kenshin…?"

He looked at me, quickly putting a smile over his blank expression. "Ayame-chan is very brave, isn't she?" he said brightly. Too brightly. "Not one tear shed…"

"Yeah," I agreed, not really listening to him. I was looking at his eyes. His pupils were shrunken to pinpricks, and his hands were still held, palms up, in front of him. The fingers of his left hand twitched, just once.

"Kenshin," I said, getting a very firm grip on his sleeve. "Kenshin, come on."

He walked a little stiffly as I pulled him back to our picnic. It was for the same reason I kept such a grip on him. He didn't want to be near the others right now. If I let him go, he would have drifted away again.

So I held on, even when I stooped down and grabbed a jug of water. I spared only a glance at the others; they were still busy with the girls. All the better.

I turned the jug over and poured the water over Kenshin's hands, letting go of his sleeves to help wash away the blood with my free hand until there wasn't a trace of it.

"It's off," I said, dropping the empty jug. "See, Kenshin? It's off."

He stared at his hands another moment, stunned, before looking up at me. His face was very pale, but his eyes were back to normal. It was a better face, stark and honest next to that fake smile he had given me when I had first walked up on him.

"Thank you, Sano," he said softly, his voice high with meaning.

"Yeah," was all I said.

By the time the others came back, Yahiko balancing Ayame on his hip, Kenshin seemed to be okay again.

I didn't miss the looks of gratitude he gave me for days after. He would have been all right without any help from me at all, I guess. Maybe when he managed to fight his way out of the nightmares brought on by the sight of little Ayame's blood on his own hands, he'd have found the presence of mind to just clean it off and go on. Then again, maybe it would have taken him more time to come back from that state of mind if I hadn't been there to help him out. As well as him feeling guilty for worrying the others if they'd noticed his distress before I did. I think he was grateful to me for helping him avoid that that more than anything else.

I don't know… Back then…back then I could shrug things like that off with no problem. Back then my guts hadn't corroded into the almost introverted sort of schmaltziness that left me feeling the pangs of loneliness in every nerve of my body if I wasn't dulling it all with rough, tumble, and noise. Back then, I thought there was nothing that between all of us, we couldn't handle.

I wish I had paid more attention to that day, though… Not long down the road, I would look down on Kenshin, slumped in a spot in Rakuninmura and realized what I should have understood on that day, when Kenshin was so bothered about the blood on his hands. He could buckle emotionally. He could be lost. He could be hollowed out and left empty.

I don't think it might have changed things much, had I understood then what I understand now, but maybe I could have done something to save us all a lot of pain…for Kenshin and…and so much later for his twin, Shino.

But…some lessons are learned just too late. Especially by me. Perhaps Saito and Rei-baba, the two biggest doubters of my intelligence, were right in some ways. If Kenshin had been spirited away instead maybe he would have seen what was coming…and how couldn't he? _Things follow suit_, Rei-baba said. Kenshin would have been watching for it, or would have had sense enough to find out if it had already happened. The biggest key point in his life, a link that made him who he _was_ when we knew him.

If only I had considered…I should have known. Shino would have her equivalent as well, their most haunting similarity, their most injurious connection. Even if I really was an idiot, I should have _seen _it coming.

It was, after all, literally carved on both of their faces.

* * *

Author's note:

_Since I started this tale, it's felt more to me like I wasn't so much writing this story, as it was that Old Sano was _telling _the story to me as my fingers moved over the keyboard. It's not the first time I've experienced this when writing, but somehow it's kind of surprising for it to happen again with Sanosuke._

_I argued for way too long with myself about this chapter, but in the end I will always write by feeling and instinct over design. This felt right, he wanted to say it, and so here it is, though some might find it odd. Especially my _baka itoko. _(Stop whining, Fil. I know what I'm doing). ;)_


	12. The Way Back

Author's note:

_Before you read on, know two things: 1) **Things aren't always what they seem**, and 2) Sanosuke's thoughts and feelings don't necessarily reflect my own._

* * *

11  
The Way Back

"Sano, are you an orphan?"

"Huh?" I murmured groggily, not opening my eyes. "What? Orphan?"

"Yes," Shino said, chuckling quietly. I felt her jaw move against my shoulder, her hair tickling my bare skin. "Are you?"

"Am I an orphan? Ah, no. Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"No…" I opened my eyes, squinting in morning sunlight I wasn't quite ready for. "I left home when I was really young. But I had parents. And a sister. And a brother born while I was gone."

I glanced at her, blinking at me where she lay on my shoulder. "Oh. From the way you spoke about Kenshin and your friends, I thought maybe they were all you had."

"Not really. I just kind of miss them the most is all," I said, sending sheepish, silent apologies to Sekiho army and my dad. But truth was truth. "I left my family to join an army. That army was important to me too. I was…one of the only survivors of it. After that, all I really had were some good buddies I'd meet in and out of the gambling houses, but never any real family-type deal until Kenshin and Jou-chan came along."

"Have you seen your real family since?"

"No…not in a long time."

She paused a moment, as if she didn't some note in my tone. "Are they…still around?"

I wasn't sure how to answer. My father and siblings were still alive, they were just in the other world.

She took my hesitation to mean no.

"Sano, you've lost _three _families?" she whispered, her face filled with sorrow.

That gave me pause. "I…I guess I have," I said quietly, though maybe it wasn't exactly true. Or maybe it was…from a certain point of view.

Her eyes filled, but I couldn't have her crying for me. I turned on my side and crushed her closer. "Don't do that," I said, pressing my forehead against hers. "Sure I miss them. Every single one, but, I was blessed to know them at all, you know?" I said, thinking back to the things Rei-baba liked to say about love and loss. "Besides, I've got you with me now, right?"

Her smile came back. "What were your brother and sister's names, Sano?" she wanted to know.

The images of my doting sister and the little brother she'd over-protected floated to mind. "Outa and Uki," I murmured.

She smiled slightly. "Their names sounds almost as silly with 'Sagara' as yours does," she teased lightly.

"Why you little--" I tightened my arms around her, I squeezed her so hard in mock punishment for the remark that she laughed. "Well, maybe, but their name wasn't Sagara. It was Higashidani. I took my name from the captain of my army. Sagara Sozo."

"How old are you?" she asked then.

I thought a second, counting. It had been a while since I actually observed my own birthday. "Twenty-four."

"_What_!" She didn't exactly shout, but the force of the surprise from her was enough to make me jump.

I tried to keep a straight face, but the look of utter incredulity on her face was funny beyond words. "_What_, what? How old do I look?"

"I…I thought you were my age…maybe older," she stammered

I burst out laughing, lying back and pulling her with me to lie across my chest. Well, it was funny, not just because she had only just now found out I was a handful of years younger than her. No, this was funny because even though we were lying out in the woods together, mostly unclothed and had pledged an intimate possession of each other the night before, and she was only _just now _finding out how little she knew about me.

"It's not hard to look older than you, _Shiden-me_," I told her, holding her gently against me and looking up into still slightly-dazed plum-colored eyes. "And don't worry. I've been around, had plenty of experiences. You're not _quite _a cradle-robber."

She lowered her head, shaking with laughter, hers a sweet and throaty sound.

* * *

I was perfectly comfortable to spend the rest of the day exactly where I was, there on the ground with her, but there kind of were couple of people who were worried and waiting for us. So by midmorning we got up.

Shino let me tie her clothes together again. She smiled, and I could almost hear an unsaid remark about a "mother hen streak" Kenshin had accused me of a time or two, but it didn't matter what either that silly rurouni or his equally silly twin thought. A man has to take care of his own.

Our reception at Rei-baba's wasn't that bad…at first. Kaoru was so relieved to see the both of us I thought he might faint for a moment. I guess he just hadn't known me long enough yet to know what I was usually more than capable of doing the things I said I would do, but it was a little irksome all the same that he had ever doubted he wouldn't see either of us again.

Shino was made a little nervous by Rei-baba, who had the charming personality traits of being blunt, foul-mouthed, and scrutinizing. Still, the old lady seemed to find Shino acceptable, whatever "acceptable" might in her mad old book, and backed off a bit, deciding to let the poor girl get used to the idea of having to stay in a very crowded, very small hut for the time being.

Then we made the mistake of telling the story of what happened. I wondered if I'd just left things unsaid, if they might have just came to his own conclusions and we could have left it at that, but no, I had to go and tell the truth.

Kaoru, propped up and holding a hand gingerly over his bandaged abdomen, and that infuriating old hag had the gall to _laugh _at me for my method of rescuing Shino.

"You _bought _her?" Kaoru asked when he could get a breath. "You actually bought her? With _money_?"

You know…I don't think Jou-chan would have laughed like that. She might have thought it was romantic or something. I don't know. But I do know that I was so surprised by the unexpected reaction that anger was slow to come.

But it did come. "Hey, shut up! It was your idea!"

"His idea?" Rei-baba had said, messing around with her workbench. She had a slanted, amused look on her face that reminded me so much of Saito it only irritated me more.

"Yeah! That stuff he said about the law and Shino being upset if I was arrested or whatever. It was a legal deal, wasn't it? The law's on my side now, right?"

The herb hag just rolled her eyes, that look still in place. I very loudly and very thoroughly damned them both to hell and, careful not to look at Shino, I stalked out of the hut. My ears were burning, and I think everyone was a bit surprised from my outburst judging by the silence that followed me.

I walked a little ways into the forest, wondering exactly why their teasing had made me so angry. But after a little thinking, I found the answer very simple: I was trying not to repeat history.

I'd never really had to be subject to the law if I didn't want. In fact, I went out of my way not to be. Anyone who's had three conversations with me knows how I feel about the government and their nonsense. I had not so much been chased out of Japan as I had simply left, by my own choice, mostly not wanting to bring trouble to those I cared about.

And still, somewhere in the back of my mind I wanted to fix it so I wouldn't have to be in the same position again. I wanted to stay right where I was this time. Shino would have followed me, I think, if I asked her to. It wasn't exactly if the little, homeless, wandering girl had anything tying her down, unless feeding little clutches of dispossessed kids like "Dai-sama" and his group in every town she walked through counted. But I just didn't want to…

Also, even though I was pissed off at both of them at the moment, I liked Rei-baba and Kaoru. The old lady, for all her rough edges, had been pretty good to me. She worked me like a dog, but she paid me well. She was a little condescending, but I had a feeling that was just her way of being affectionate. She liked me. Had to, or else she wouldn't be helping me as much, right?

And Kaoru was steadily becoming a good friend when he wasn't being a jerk like now.

Well, maybe I was too hard on them. They didn't know how I felt, not really. Neither of them really knew much about me at all…

I felt a slender little arm snake around my waist and looked down to see a pair of sweet purple eyes and an equally sweet smile. I slipped my arm around her shoulders and pressed my nose into her hair. It had to be some kind of witchcraft or something for someone to smell so good… As always just being near her and breathing her in made me feel so much better.

I allowed her to coax me back to the hut, I saw Kaoru, pushing himself to sit up more when he saw me come back in.

"Sanosuke, I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I was really rude. Please accept my apology."

He looked sincere enough, abashed even, so I decided to forgive him. I slipped up the same way enough times myself.

I glanced over at the workbench to see what Rei-baba was doing, and found her leaning against it with her arms crossed over her chest. But her eyes were a little softer when she looked at me. The closest, I knew, that she would ever get to apologizing herself.

Oh, well. It was a start.

* * *

I'd just come back from the forest with the cherry wood Rei-baba'd asked me to cut for her to hear a loud argument followed by a lot of scraping and crashing sounds.

I dropped the wood and hurried inside to a sight that made a memory that to this day makes me laugh when I think of it.

My shy little Shino was behind one of the tall European tables Rei-baba kept in her house for work surfaces. The old lady herself was on the other side, holding a length of blue fabric over one of her arms. They faced each other, both red faced and determined-looking until Shino saw me.

Dashing around the side of the table while Rei was distracted by my presence, she threw herself at me. I barely had time to reach out and catch her before she latched on. "Don't make me, don't make me!" she said, forehead pressed to my chest, but there was a note of strained laughter in her voice. She wasn't afraid or anything. More like desperately exasperated.

I looked at Kaoru, still confined to bed, though it looked like he'd been trying to rise from it just now, then back to Rei-baba, who was glowering at Shino's back. "What are you guys doing to her?"

"_I_'m not doing anything, Sano," Kaoru said dryly, edging himself back onto Rei-baba's stuffed pillows. "But I believe Rei-baba was trying to get Shino wear that kimono, and Shino doesn't want to."

Rei-baba, who was indeed holding a kimono on her arm, placed it on the table. It was a bit faded, and had to look better than what she was wearing now. "Girl's more stubborn than you are," the old lady griped, as if it was somehow my fault.

"Hey, _Shiden_," I asked gently. "Why won't you wear that?"

"I don't want to wear a kimono, Sano," she said, breath warm across the bandages on my chest. "Don't make me."

"Fine, fine," I murmured, running my hands up and down her shoulders to soothe her. "And will you two stop trying to make her do things she doesn't want to do? When she says no, that means _no_!" I glared at Kaoru and Rei-baba in turn. Kaoru gave me a wide-eyed I-wasn't-doing-anything look, and the herb hag just rolled her eyes.

Ironic I had to be the "adult" in some of these situations. But Rei-baba had a matronly streak about her that suggested she always knew what was best, and Shino, while certainly not a child, was still an easy victim by her own timidity.

It was sweet that she ran to me, though. Maybe a bit counter-productive to the things I was trying to teach her, but definitely beneficial to my male pride.

She would do that, too, when I took her into town. Whenever she was nervous, she reached for me and I made sure I was right there. For now, it wasn't so important that she learned to be stronger in herself as it was for her to know I was there to keep her safe. All that other stuff was secondary. Still important, but not as important. Plenty of time to work on it later.

I never did find out why Shino didn't like to dress like a lady. Later I supposed it was because she'd feel vulnerable in those kinds of clothes, which weren't as enclosing as a hakama and far more restrictive to the legs. When we chose new clothes for her , she got solid colors of red and blue, just like Kenshin would have. I should have known. But then, there aren't but so many colors that go with the weird mix of their hair and eyes, I guess. They would know better than I would.

Yet even after that little problem was taken care of, I still had a difficult time getting the old lady to back off Shino. I knew that, like the rest of us, Rei-baba felt like Shino needed some toughening up, but she was too blunt in her own personality to be any kind of gentle about it. Like Kaoru had once tried, she thought that perhaps getting Shino angry a few times might bring out a dragon.

But, only a few days after that short trip into town, we were about to find out just how much of a dragon Shino had inside her. And it was neither Rei-baba nor Kaoru who brought it out.

It was my fault.

* * *

She was having another nightmare.

We lay on and under blankets on the ground, sheltered over by the trees. It was getting a little colder, but the nights weren't so cold yet that we couldn't seek privacy in the forest, away from our two temporary housemates.

She had a lot of bad dreams, but she was so responsive to touch (I had found her to be quite a sensualist) that I could usually soothe the bad dream away by stroking her hair or hugging her closer.

She calmed, never waking, and I lay looking up at what I could see of the stars through the trees. I wondered if Kenshin dreamed this much. If he did, he was quiet about it. Maybe quiet enough that, if she was now sharing his bed these nights, Jou-chan didn't know, wasn't awake to chase them away before they could begin like I could for Shino.

Well…that wasn't my business, and there was nothing I could do about it anyway. Jou-chan's area. Shino was mine.

She was still, I guessed the nightmare had passed. I rested my cheek against her hair, deciding I'd better get some sleep. Needed rest for whatever trees the old lady wanted me to shift, dig up, move, or chop in the morning.

But Shino wasn't quite finished with the nightmare. In fact, it was about to become my nightmare too.

She whispered a name. A name that nearly made my blood freeze.

"Tomoe."

I went very, very still. Not even my brain was working for several long seconds. Then, all at once, the wheels jerked and started turning again.

Excuse me? What? _Tomoe?_ Like Kenshin's Tomoe?

There was absolutely nothing in all my experiences with either Himura that could prepare me for something like this. _Both _of them haunted by a Tomoe?

I grasped at ideas, trying to make sense of it. Okay, it stood enough to reason that Tomoe would have existed in this world…as a male. But then, his name wouldn't be "Tomoe" since that was, with no kindly exception, a woman's name.

I swore under my breath and absently moved my thumb over the scar on her right cheek. _Damn, damn, damn._

I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself before I woke her up.

Shino hadn't killed anyone. I knew that. The look of pain, long-standing and thick, was something inflicted on her, not what she had inflicted on others. I knew Kenshin, and comparing the two together, I had seen the difference. Two very different kinds of pain.

I also knew that she had never been a willing lover to anyone but me. That she had pretty much told me, and also I knew it by her own inexperience, which I had found very endearing. She was someone I could teach, and she learned fast.

So it wasn't the same. It wouldn't _be _the same. Couldn't possibly even be the same person. "Tomoe" is a pretty common girls' name if you think about it. Maybe it was a friend she'd known, someone she missed. Someone who might not have met a good end, or parted company badly with her. Something like that.

It was a coincidence. Coincidences did still exist, even here.

I wanted to ask. Oh, how I wanted to ask. The questions trapped just on my tongue, kept trapped by clenched teeth.

But I held back. Best to let it rest for now. I would ask…later.

It bugged me, though. Even into the morning when Shino and I meandered our way back to the hut.

My mood didn't improve any when our hostess leapt out the door and chucked an axe at us. Shino and I dodged in differed directions as the axe flipped through the air, embedding itself in the space between us, the handle quivering impressively in the air.

"Late _again_!" the old lady yelled at us from the doorway. "Boy, the mating season's not until spring! Now knock it off and get back to work."

"Hey!" I shouted in indignation, but she'd already disappeared. "I swear you get more and more crazy every day, you old hag!" I yelled at the doorway.

Shino stood a couple of feet away, with a look that I supposed meant she didn't know whether to be nervous or to laugh.

I snorted, bending low to grab the axe's handle. "Yeah, she's nuts all right. I guess I'll go chop more firewood today, since she wasn't more specific."

"May I come?"

"Of course. Just stand clear."

When I chopped firewood, I chose large trees. I was stronger than most, and in the end, chopping up bigger trees for firewood took less time and saved me more work than chopping up little ones.

I chopped lazily at a good-sized one, keeping half an eye on Shino's whereabouts. She wandered nearby, well out of danger, examining small plants that grew at the tree roots that had more meaning to her and Rei-baba than they did to me.

My mind soon wandered. Back to that mutter that had floated out of deep dreams the night before. Maybe she hadn't said "Tomoe". Maybe she'd said something that just sounded like that…

But I just had this feeling…

I'd never thought much one way or another about Tomoe. She was Kenshin's wife, therefore important to Kenshin, and I felt sorry for the way that she died…but I had to admit, whether it was the right way to feel or not, I was mostly sorry because of how it affected my friend. I didn't know Tomoe.

She was also connected with more kinds of pain that even my stamina could deal with. Her crazy freak of a brother, Enishi, for one. It was still kind of difficult, even with a better understanding, to forgive him for what he put us all through.

It hurt most of all, I think, because it had been a time, just that once, that the genuine respect and admiration I had for Kenshin slipped. Not my love, though. No, he was my friend, even in those horrible days, in that wretched state, and nothing would ever change that. But, I had even hit him, back then. Didn't expect a reaction. Wasn't even doing it to punish him. I was just trying to get something, anything to him--my grief, my rage, my frustration, my confusion, my fear, my helplessness--in a way we could both understand.

"Sano?"

No, I really didn't like to think about Tomoe. Didn't matter if I didn't, really. There were other people to think warm and fuzzy thoughts about her.

"Sano! _Sano_!"

I hadn't realized the danger, so thickly lost in my own thoughts. I hadn't noticed I was sweating a little more than usual, that it was colder than it should have been. I hadn't noticed I was chopping away at the tree when I should have been getting out of the way.

Too late, I tried to move, but Shino was faster. A streak of indigo blue and white, she slammed into me. We flew back, out of the way, just as the world exploded in crashing, noise, and shaking that seemed to last forever.

"Damn it! God damn it, Sanosuke! Bloody stinking filthy pig-swiving hell! Have you lost your mind? What the _hell _is the matter with you?"

I opened my eyes, more from shock than anything else that _that _kind of language could be coming out of my Shino's mouth! I nearly _eep_ed when I saw she was right in my face.

And she was angry. Oh, yes, very, very angry. I had succeeded where all others had failed. She was beyond mad. She was pissed. I had seen Kenshin that furious only a few times, and even fewer times angry enough that he would actually swear. Either I had taught her too well, or Rei-baba had more influence on her than we thought.

I blinked, not sure what to do or say as the earth still dipped and swayed around us. What did one say when he's just done something abysmally stupid and had to be saved by his girl?

Come to think of it, what _was _wrong with me? I've done dumb or careless things before, but nothing quite that fatal in some time.

Shino, once more leagues ahead of the situation than I was, slapped her hand to my forehead, searching for the answer before my brain had come to grasp it.

My eyes widened. Oh, no. The third day. The fever. Between my brooding over this mysterious Tomoe and Rei-baba chucking an axe at us when we got back, I had completely forgotten to drink that special tea. Again.

If I'd had any hopes that she would forgive me because I was sick, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Discovering I was feverish only seemed to make her angrier.

It's all my fault. I brought out the dragon.

* * *

"Tell me what's wrong with him! Don't you dare tell me that it's nothing! There is something wrong! Wounds that won't heal, fever and chills every few days, for weeks! There _is _something wrong! _He nearly chopped a tree on himself_!"

I sat as close to Rei-baba's fire as I possibly could without actually climbing into it. Would have been nice to ask for a blanket, but I knew better than open my mouth. Nobody had thought to hand over that fever-reducing tea yet, either, and I was starting to feel kind of bad…

Not as bad as Rei-baba or Kaoru at the moment, who were both looking at Shino like they'd never seen her before. Kaoru, to his credit, had not said one word the whole time. In fact, he'd scooted as far back on the bed as he could and stayed absolutely silent, like a man afraid to draw attention to himself.

Rei-baba wasn't so lucky. An initial dismissal of Shino's questions, which had at first been calm, had been met with a very violent outburst. Evidentially, she was out of patience after I nearly got myself flattened, and wanted answers. Now.

The old lady cast a nasty glare my way. _This is all your fault._

I shrugged weakly. _I'm sorry?_

Yet even as bad and sheepish as I was feeling, there was a bit of subdued humor in this, which I was very, very careful to keep out of my face. I'd once called Kenshin the most frightening man in the world. I'd seen looks in his eyes and gestures from him that would make grown men wet themselves.

And here I was thinking that this girl, even smaller and more slight than Kenshin himself, could kick Battousai from one end of the hut to the other if he crossed her. Yes, that scary.

Abruptly she whirled back to me, and I flinched. I didn't think she'd hit me or anything, but her tongue, normally rolling words sweet and quiet, was sharper than the backside of Kenshin's blade.

I sat nervously still as she knelt in front of me.

"What. Is. Wrong. With. You?" she said, enunciating slowly and clearly, her smooth voice edged with danger.

I swallowed and smiled weakly. "Ah, _Shiden-me_…couldn't you have used some of this against Seiji?"

She leaned back slightly, the hard lines in her face smoothed back for a moment with surprise. She stared at me for a moment before turning her head to talk to speak to Rei-baba and Kaoru. "Would you leave us alone for a moment, please?"

Even if he was healing well, Kaoru still got up rather quickly for an injured man, followed Rei-baba's lead as she edged out of the hut and wandered into the garden.

I looked at the floor, wondering if I was about to get an earful when Shino's voice, completely different from just a few seconds before, rang soft and high through the silence.

"Sano, are you going to die?"

My head jerked up, making the world sway crazily around me. I slapped a palm to the floor, trying to steady it. "Wh-what?"

"Is that what's wrong? Is that why you won't tell me? Are you dying?"

My vision stilled enough for me to see her face. The anger had been covering up cold, pale fear, echoing over her face and her wet eyes.

"No, no, no, no!" I said quickly, reaching out and dragging her into my arms. "Shino, I'm not going to die, not right now."

She lay still in my hold, her body rising with a tired, frustrated sigh. "Then what's wrong? You're not healthy, Sano."

Despite my need to reassure her, my eyelids dropped heavily. She was right. This magic or whatever had taken me to this world had made nasty cracks in my overall health, stealing my strength away from me every third day or so, tea or no tea. I should have been paying attention. The last thing I should have been doing was chopping down trees.

"I'm sorry," I said, rather inanely. "Just…just let me rest for a while. Then we'll talk about it, okay? I promise."

She rose out of my gasp without a word, although she did spread out the futon we usually shared when we slept in the hut for me and made sure I was comfortable before leaving. I went to sleep wondering if I should finally tell her the truth.

I slept a pretty long time. All day, all night and well into the next morning. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Shino's folded knees, where she sat beside me. I looked up into her face and nearly stopped breathing.

That old hurt look was back…and possibly worse than it had been before. If it wasn't for my heartbeat, suddenly frantic, I'd have almost stupidly wondered if I hadn't actually died in the night and was witnessing her looking down on my body.

I sat up quickly, but since she didn't jolt out of her skin when I did, it was a safe bet I wasn't one of the walking dead. She didn't change expression.

The old lady was in her customary spot by her workbench, grinding herbs in a absent way, not looking up. The lines around her mouth were sharp and tight. Kaoru was all right as well, sitting up on the bed, but he looked awfully subdued. Confused, but restrained, as if he wanted to yell "What's going on?" into the quieted room, but knew that he couldn't.

"How are you?" Shino asked, a bit hoarsely. I examined her carefully to see if she had been crying, but her eyes were dry and clear.

"I'm okay now," I said slowly.

"Good." She stood up. "Then come on. We've got to go."

"Go? Where?"

"Just go with her, Sanosuke," Rei snapped, her own voice hoarse and a bit ragged. "Don't ask questions, just go!"

Now scared as well as confused, I looked at Kaoru, who I had the feeling was the only one from whom I'd get any sympathy. He didn't disappoint me, but he didn't look like he knew what was going on either. Shino moved between us and out of the hut. Kaoru glanced after her, then jerked his head gently, as if to tell me I'd better follow her.

I moved stiffly for the door, but before I got there, Rei-baba's hand grasped my arm. "Remember everything I told you, Boy," she said in a low but firm tone.

She let me go and I hurried to catch up with Shino, glancing back to the hut once. But they were inside, hidden in shadow.

We must have walked for hours. Any attempts of mine to ask what was going on, what was wrong, or to start a conversation of any kind were met with dull resistant or one-word answers.

And just in case things weren't bad enough, the sky began to act up, rolling and churning up with a speed I had only seen once…a life time ago, back in Mongolia…

I sucked in a breath when Shino and I shouldered our way through shrubbery that had grown over a path that hadn't seen traffic in a long time…though it once had, judging from just had deeply into the ground it was indented. There was a gentle slope on the other side, leading down where a house, gradually falling apart, sat adjacent to the chewed, overgrown ground and leaning stakes that marked it as a place where someone had once kept a vegetable garden. But that wasn't what stilled my heart and drained the blood from my face.

A rumble of distant thunder rolled away the silence as I stared at a rounded, chipped stone with the word _Byakudan_ scrawled clumsily across its flattish face.

Oh, my God…

"It's true then," Shino said, from behind me. She had stopped walking and I hadn't noticed. "I'm Kenshin."

That made me whirl around to look at her. God, I couldn't think of one thing to say. Not even something stupid, like asking her to repeat that in case I didn't hear it right.

I knew perfectly well what she just said.

"Rei-baba explained it to me," she said, turning her face from me to the stone with a spookily slow movement. "She said you're both from another world, just like this one, only with a few differences. You travel thought these 'anchoring stones', she said. And I'm an incarnation of your friend Himura Kenshin."

"Shino," I said desperately. "I…I couldn't tell you. How could you have believed me? You would have thought I was just crazy!"

"Maybe," she said, but it was in a distant tone as if that point didn't much matter. "Rei says that you have the worse burn she's ever seen, and your fevers are more violent and brutal than any she's ever experienced. She says that because you're not careful enough, it's possible one day that you could boil your own brain with the heat. She doesn't know exactly why you're so different, but there it is." In that same eerie slow motion, her head turned back to me. "She says this is the stone she used to get here and to go home. So you can use it to go home now."

"What? No, Shino, I don't--"

I took a step toward her, but she jerked back, snapping back to life.

"Sano, look at you! Almost half your body's got a great red burn on it, and I know it has to hurt! You nearly got yourself killed yesterday, because you can't be trusted to remember to do something so simple as drink a tea!"

"It's only this one time! I'll be more careful from now on! I'm just not used to having a…having a 'delicate condition.'" That was a bit of a blow to my pride, to say something like that. But it wasn't any less true.

She shook her head, eyes narrowing dangerously. "It's not good enough. It's not good enough, Sano! What if something happens? What if you get stuck or lost or trapped somewhere where you can't get a hold of the herbs and leaves used to make your tea? What then? What if you do let your fever turn into a full-blown brain fever? What if you end up damaging your mind because of it? What then, Sano?

"And you're weak when you're like that. How are you supposed to protect me when you can't even take care of yourself?"

"Shino--"

"No, Sano! I won't have it! I won't have this! I won't have you…" she said the last word in a whisper, her face paling, and her eyes widening, as if she'd just pulled out her own heart as well as mine. "So you're going to ride that stone home, or however it works. I don't want you anymore, Sano. Don't worry about me, either. Kaoru-san likes me, and he'll let me stay with him, I think. Maybe he'll keep teaching me. You don't have anything left here to worry about. So just…go home. And don't follow me. I won't have you anymore."

She turned away from me and fled down the slope, toward the old house with its memory of a garden. I watched her until she vanished inside it, some absurd part of mind wondering if it was safe for her to be in there…weak flooring and supports and all…

I looked at the shack for a while, then back to the stone. My stone with my anchoring word. White sandalwood, just like the way Shino smelled.

I felt numb inside and out, and there was a draining feeling, of slowly being emptied out. I almost laughed for just a moment, wondering if this was anything like what Jou-chan felt when Kenshin had tried to leave her behind, keep her away from him, trying to protect her when he left for Kyoto. Damn Himuras. If there are any more than just my two anywhere, damn every last one of them…

I closed my eyes against a rush of wet heat just behind them. Was she right? Was I really endangering myself, not paying careful enough attention to those fevers? The thought of actually harming my brain because of my own neglect was daunting all by itself. Lot of good I'd do Shino if I became some slobbering retard or something like that. Rei-baba had never said before that that fever was anything unusual, though she did say something like that about how large my burn was… I did notice she never had the trouble I did, though. And could I not protect Shino like I'd promised? I could be more careful. I just wasn't used to having to pay so much attention to my health, but I could do it again, for her.

The shadows moved around me, the sky still churning fitfully, but not doing anything. Like it was waiting for me.

An icy autumn wind moved over me. I shivered. It was at my back, like it was trying to push me toward the stone…

Maybe this was best, after all. Maybe it would be best if I went back to my original plan, for Kaoru and Shino to get together. Shino could forget about me in time, after all. And I hadn't missed that one-time, but very real wistful twist of Kaoru's mouth when he saw that she and I were really, truly together. That could easily grow into something more. He would take care of her even if it didn't. She would be all right…without me.

The wind hit my back again, and I found myself screaming crazily at the rock. "_You brought me here, like it's supposed to make me happy, and now you want me to go back? What kind of sick dog-sucking bastard are you_?" My voice sounded shaky and tearful, and I cursed myself for every kind of fool I knew of. God damn it straight to hell! When had I become so weak? I wanted yesterday morning back so badly I could almost smell Shino's sweet scent again, and the feel of her smooth skin against mine.

But she said she wouldn't have me if I followed her. I searched my memory, but I couldn't think of a time when either she or Kenshin had ever lied to me.

Three steps I took toward the _Byakudan _stone and it began to rain. All at once, just as it had in Mongolia. Three more and lightning flashed in the sky, making me flinch. So that's how it would be. Struck by lightning both to and back, huh? How bad would the burn be, then?

But at least it would heal. At least I'd have my right arm back…

Never mind that I would trade my right arm if I could still hold Shino with my left. I took another step, and thunder boomed. I shivered in the rain. I didn't want to go. Another step, and the hair rose on the backs of my arms. I barely felt it, only saw it. Another step, the heaviest and most difficult so far. Go home, she'd said. To what? I didn't have a home.

But I wanted one. One of my own. If I went back I'd never find my way home. If I went back…there'd be nothing.

I needed a place to call home. If I ran back to my Japan, back to my Kamiya dojo, that would be close, but their love wasn't enough. I needed more now, not just to cover me, but fill me too. I liked the way it was changing me, little by little every day.

_God, please…please don't tear me apart again…I'm finally complete, finally whole. Don't make me go back to being what I was. I want to keep what I have. Don't take it from me. I need it, and I need…I need…_

"Shino!"

I spun on my heel and ran from the stone. Only several strides and there was a great explosion behind me, one that shook the earth harder than the falling tree had only a day before. I stumbled, but I bounced off my hands and kept running. Every demon in hell could come out and pitch lightning bolts at me because nothing short of it would keep me from reaching that fallen-down old shack.

Only when my hands slapped on the rotting wood of the doorway did I stop and risk a look back. The stone wasn't there anymore, gone and leaving only a grassy hill, like it had never been there. I shivered again, and ripped my gaze away.

Lifting my wet, sloppy bangs out of my eyes, I squinted into the darkened house, looking for Shino. I found her easily enough, the only clean and bright thing in the room.

She had curled up on a flat, wide shelf someone had built into the wall. She was asleep, dried tear tracks on her cheeks.

I breathed out shakily, glad to see she was still here. Glad to see I hadn't been transported back when the lightning had struck. I moved to her on weak knees.

There was just enough room on the shelf for me to lie on my side beside her, so I stretched out there. As always, she slept like a rock, didn't even stir as I rubbed away at the tear residue on her face with my thumb.

I slept without realizing it and woke up later to a sharp gasp. My eyes opened, just in time to see Shino jerk back. Her sudden movement unbalanced the shelf we were on, and it flipped off its slats, dumping us both onto the ground. Shino landed on my chest, and the shelf bounced hard off her back before it fell with a flat thump on the dusty floor beside us.

Once all the impacts were over, she lay there, staring down at me like she couldn't believe I was real. Her body tensed, like she was ready to get off me, but my arm, almost of its own accord, moved around her waist, keeping her pinned to me.

I stared at her face. Her wounded eyes… I had made her so happy for a while. I chased away her bad dreams. I could do it again. I'd do anything…

Weak with tenderness, I reached up with my free hand and moved a lock of hair behind her ear. "Please," I whispered. "Don't send me away. I don't want to be alone anymore. You're my family now, _Koishii_. Don't ask me to leave another family. I want to stay here with you. I need to stay with you. Please… Please, can I stay?"

She trembled a little on top of me, her head dipping slightly so that her bangs hid her eyes from me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't more careful," I continued to plead. "I will be, from now on. It won't happen again, I promise."

Her head dropped onto my shoulder and she murmured something I didn't quite catch into the cloth of my jacket.

"What?"

She moved her head to the side, so I could hear her better. "You told me your heart would shatter if you had to leave me," she said, voice rough with tears. "I know what you meant, now…" She was trembling so now that I put both arms around her tightly, like I could use my strength to keep her from truly coming apart. "But I can't stand thinking of you in pain like that every day, Sano. You've _got _to go home, heal."

"No," I insisted, grasping her all the tighter. "It's something I'll endure, it's something I can endure. It doesn't hurt if I take good care of it. Keep it medicated and wrapped. I'll be so careful from now on, Shino, I swear."

There was a long pause, and I just watched her rising up and down gently with every breath I took until she lifted her head again. She had to scoot up just a bit to kiss me, and it was one of the longest, sweetest kisses we shared.

"Does this mean I can come home now?" I said, grinning crookedly.

She rested her forehead against mine. Her eyes were better again, her smile back. Weak, but it was there. "I suppose so," she said.

I laughed then, rolling us over so that I was on top. "Good! Because if you'd've refused me, I would've had to follow you around on my knees until you gave into me."

She blinked up at me for a few seconds before another one of her slow, beautiful smiles spread across her face. "Oh, Sano. I _should _have left you on the road where I found you, shouldn't I?"

"Maybe, but it's much too late now," I teased, leaning down for another kiss.

"It is," was the last thing Shino said.

After that, there was no more talking in the abandoned house. Not for a long time.

Later, after the rain passed, and we lay tangled up in each other, she said, "Sano? What do you think…um, what would Kenshin think?"

"Of what?"

"Of…you with…someone who was like him? With me?"

"Well. What would you think, if you were in his place?"

"I…wouldn't mind."

"Then neither would he, I think."

* * *

Author's note:

_Hmm. Two more chapters and an epilogue and we're all done here. That will make it about three chapters longer than I originally intended, but no one's complained yet so I hope you continue not to mind._ :)

Note to Filly:

_I changed the summary again like you wanted. It's kind of mysterious again or whatever. It's the best I can do. Now, I'm sort of busy trying to write the fic without pouring over its summary time and again. It's fine, so just--leave it be! _(-eye twitch-)


	13. Interlude 2: Lessons

Interlude 2

Lessons

"You'll at least wear a kimono on the day you marry me, right?"

"You want to marry me?"

"Hell yeah. I've got here the most lovely girl I've ever seen _and _she loves me? You'd be crazy to think I wouldn't marry her."

"But I'm not--"

"What?"

"N-nothing…"

"No, what were you going to say? You don't love me?"

"No, I do!"

"You don't want to marry me?"

"Yes, I want to… Wait, is this how you're asking me?"

"Um…yeah. What? Why are you laughing at me now?"

"Haha…nothing, Sano. I'm just happy."

"Oh. So you _are _going to marry me, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, what were saying before?"

"Sano…"

"Hah, thought I was going to forget? Now what are you not?"

"Nothing, Sano! I wasn't going to say anything. Really."

"_Shino_."

"Ah…well…I-I'm not lovely."

" . . . "

" . . . "

"What do you mean, you're not lovely? Shino, come back here. How could you say something like that?"

"Because…I'm not."

"Are you crazy? I've never seen a girl who looks sweeter than you do. Maybe we should consider getting you glasses…"

"But I…"

"What?"

"I…messed up my face."

". . . That sounds like something I heard that Horibuchi said back at the mansion. He tell you that?"

"Y-yes, but I did…you can see--"

"Oh, you're in trouble now. Come here."

"Huh? Sano--hey, what are you doing!"

"What does it look like? I'm turning you over my knee."

"Why are you--? You're not going to-- No, Sano, no, no--_OW_!"

"Sorry, _Koishii_, but you've got to be taught a lesson. Now I want you to say 'Sano's girl is the loveliest girl in the entire world'. Say it and I'll let you up."

"_San-o-su-ke! _You let me go this instant! AHH!"

"No, no, Shino. That's not what I told you to say, now was it? Try again."

"Damn it, Sano! Ow! Stop it!"

"No way. You've said something very wrong and now you're paying for it. Just admit that you're pretty and I'll let you up."

"This is turning you on, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah. But it's not why I'm doing it."

"_Please _stop."

"Nope. Not until you say it."

"You're mean--cruel. Your mother would be ashamed of you."

"I doubt it. My mother wasn't afraid to hand out a spanking when it was well-deserved. I can do this all day, you know. I guarantee my stamina's going to outlast yours. You better say it before your bottom's as red as your top."

"OW! All right, all right! I'm pretty! 'Sano's girl is the loveliest girl in the entire world'! I said it, now let go!"

"Was that so hard?"

"I thought you said you'd let me up."

"I will, in a minute. I'm admiring the view."

"Sano…"

"Oh, all right. You can sit up now. Not that far."

"But I'm still in your lap."

"I said I'd let you up, not let you go. You're fine where you are. Don't look at me that way. You deserved it."

"Aren't you the one who's always telling the others I'm not a child?"

"You're not. I only spank beautiful adult women."

"I didn't know you were a lech."

"Only with you. You're the only one who fits all three types at once."

"You're so silly."

"_You _make me silly. But you are, Shino. You really are. Your face is scarred, but that only makes you look more noble, like you've got history. Everyone's got scars like that. You just wear yours where they can be seen. You don't even have a right to be ashamed of that. It's a rare thing, to be so beautiful a creature inside and out. I still can't believe you're with a dumb thug like me."

"You don't look like a thug, and I've told you repeatedly that you're not dumb. I guess it's your turn to be taught a lesson."

"What? Now, wait a minute, Shino--"

"You're in trouble now. Come here, Sano."

"Hey, hold on a second! I, uh, I take it back!"

"It's too late now. You already said it."

"Hey, that's not in the rules! Shino, sto--_OW_!"


	14. Another Yukishiro

Author's note:

_There has been a slight change in plans. My blasted cousin_ _crept into my room one night when I was up late (pretending like I was working, but really writing fanfiction) and "suggested" something to me concerning _Sandalwood_. It was a little something I only meant to account but not intricate, and she thought it might be nice if I made a bigger event out of it._

_She quickly fled just as I started to reach for the hand-and-a-half sword mounted on the wall above my desk, but she's fast enough that chasing her down gave me time to remind myself Kenshin probably wouldn't approve of me practicing the dragon hammer strike on a living target. Alas, she lives on, taxing my sanity and driving my blood pressure to unpleasant highs._

_Besides, maybe it's not such a bad idea. I think Sano likes the idea of the different approach as well. So, one last game of musical chairs. At least, I hope this is the last game… Since it was part of the story all along, it won't break my stride anyway._

_Keh. You'd think I'd know better by now. I haven't really been in control of this fic from the beginning. If Filly doesn't want something, then Sano wants something. The next time I make a prediction of how many chapters until the end, ignore me._

* * *

Ice is thick on my eyelashes, my skin is all blue  
I can still make it, but…I mean…  
Are you looking for me too?  
Maybe I can really make it if you come to meet me…

12  
Another Yukishiro

Somehow, when I wasn't paying attention, two years passed.

I married Shino in the spring of the year before. She _did _wear a kimono, making it one of only two times I would ever see her in one. She even allowed for her hair to be put up. I realize a lot of men must say this, but I still haven't seen a bride more beautiful than mine. I gave her my name. The days of slavery and of wandering were behind her.

A lot can happen in two years. There were a few bumps and tumbles, but we carved a place for ourselves in that world. I can still remember our house. It was a small thing, not really all that much bigger than my flat back in my Tokyo, but it was a little darker, a little warmer. Shino was creative, and made a nice home of it. Especially the outside, where she showed a talent for gardening. Lots of nice things in her garden, from veggies to flowers to herbs.

It was also pleasantly isolated from people. I think I chose it for that reason almost as much as I chose it because it was a good midway point from Rei-baba's to Kaoru's. Shino just never did enjoy being around people. And I guess that was fine. She seemed happy with just me and our few friends. My job was to keep her safe and happy, fed and clothed and warm and all that. The role of provider was really different for me, but I thought I pulled it off pretty well.

One of the first things Shino did shortly after we got a home of our own was to drag me back to Kyoto where we rounded up some familiar little urchins and lead them straight to Rei-baba's door.

The old lady had no idea what to say when she was faced off with "Dai-sama" and little Akira at his heels. But her stern old face softened a little the instant she saw them. Heh. Somehow, Shino just knew…and maybe I did too. Lonely herb hag plus lonely orphan kids equals…a happy kind of chaos.

That meant I had to come and help her build on to the hut to make room for the kids, but…she kept paying me, and building was actually less backbreaking than digging up hundred-year-old sandal trees, so I couldn't say I minded much.

Shino kept learning swords from Kaoru, though a mutual over-protectiveness on both our parts had us forbidding her going into town alone. Shino got just a little frustrated at us, and maybe we _were _going a bit overboard…but Horibuchi still lived in Tokyo only a couple hours' run from the Kamiya dojo. He had a lot of goons who could be crawling around the city. We couldn't mark them all. Shino was _mine_ now. Nobody save myself was going to lay a finger on her again.

Annoyed or not, she didn't seem inclined to disobey me on the don't-go-out-alone rule, so I was relaxed most of the time.

And I was…happy. Couldn't remember being that happy. Ever. I thought about the others sometimes. The other Tokyo, the other Kamiya dojo. I still missed them, but I was certain they were happy as well. They were okay, I was okay. It was all right, to just let myself _be _happy.

There was a little thorn in that, though. The damn kid. Yahiko. No matter what I tried, I still couldn't find his twin, not anywhere.

I even broke down and looked in on one yakuza group after another until I couldn't find anymore. As I predicted, I ended up thumping a lot of heads, but it was more therapeutic than I thought it would be. I hadn't had a really good vigorous fight in months. The results were always the same, though. No one had ever heard of a girl named Myojin.

In the time that passed, she and Yahiko would have turned seventeen. The girl-Yahiko might even be married, and would have changed her name. Could have before I even started looking for her. Maybe she didn't even live in Tokyo. Japan wasn't all that big in proportion to the rest of the world, but it was plenty big enough that I could search for the rest of my life and never find a trace of a single girl.

I fretted a little over it, but I couldn't keep from melting into my new life if I wanted to. I never imagined being so content, of dragging home from Rei-baba's every day and falling into the soft, warm arms of a smiling redhead. How could I get so much pleasure just by looking in her face and seeing the happiness there? Especially when comparing it to the memory of how she looked when I first met her.

The hurt was so much better. Hers _and _mine. There were scars, but once healed scars don't hurt anymore.

But then, I'd forgotten--and I _am _someone who should know, but--sometimes just because you're hurting, that doesn't mean that it's a bad kind of pain. There are such things as "good hurts". I just needed to learn that again, is all.

It was sometime in the spring when I got Kaoru out of his dojo to stir up some fun with me.

The irony always struck me, another quirk of role-reversals between Kaoru/Jou-chan and Kenshin/Shino. At home, it was Kenshin I'd coax out to keep me company and Jou-chan we'd leave behind. But there was no way in hell I was taking Shino to some of the places I liked to frequent in the reversed Tokyo.

She was going to spend the day with Rei-baba and the urchins. I almost started to escort her there myself, but…

"I don't suppose," she'd said with very strained patience, "that I can be given credit for taking care of myself for a few decades before I met you _and _without the martial skills you've had me learn?"

Sheepish, let her go her way alone and went mine. It was kind of silly for me to walk all that distance twice anyway.

I brightened when I got back to town, though. Kaoru was actually a lot more willing a drinking buddy than Kenshin was anyway. He could cut loose too. Whiling away time with him wasn't bad at all.

Looking back, I suppose I also felt just a touch guilty…not so much exactly for Shino choosing to be with me, but, I remembered well from things Jou-chan had said. She'd been pretty lonely before Kenshin and Yahiko had come to her. Kaoru never said as much, but I figured he might be too.

Ah, well. I was glad to be a buddy, and Shino was a good friend to him too, as well as Dai, who had jumped at Shino's suggestion that he also learn swords. In fact, I wondered if I shouldn't suggest the kid board at the dojo for a while. He was used to calling the shots back on the streets and wasn't adjusting so well to having to listen to the nutty grandma. Bumps on the head lingered when they came from Rei.

As we came into the Akabeko, I felt Kaoru's hand clap my shoulder. "Hey, I haven't congratulated you yet, have I, Sano?" he said cheerfully.

"Huh? For what?'' I sat down, looking around for someone to come take our order. I was starved.

I looked back at Kaoru, who was still standing, a blank look on his face.

"You mean…she hasn't told you?" he said, voice small.

"What? Who hasn't told me what?"

He went a little pale, and sat down quickly, grinning foolishly. "Oh, nothing. Uh…it's just…Shino was thinking about asking you to build a fence around your house."

"A fence? What do we need a fence for? We don't even have any neighbors."

"Oh, yeah, that's right," he said quickly, also looking around for a server like his life depended on it.

I frowned at him. What the heck? Congratulating me because my wife wanted me to do some kind of weird, extra work around the house? He was getting as crazy as the old lady.

But that didn't matter as much as a nice beef pot did, and that's exactly what I got. Kaoru talked about Dai a bit. He was becoming very fond of the boy. A good sign, but I'd definitely discuss asking Kaoru to board him with Shino first. She became cross with me if I even suggested I wasn't smart, but there have been times I didn't use those smarts she seemed to believe I had.

Oh, man. I smiled to myself while Kaoru went on about Dai's potential…was it possible to become henpecked when your wife wasn't a hen and didn't do any pecking? Exactly what was she doing to me, anyway? Whatever it was, I wasn't so sure that I didn't like it.

* * *

Where I was sitting, I had a clear view of the door. And of the next person who came through it.

The man who came in drew my attention at once. I wasn't particularly alarmed, he just had a very dark presence. Not an evil one, just…dark. Like the dark and gloom of a midnight rainstorm, strong but calm, without the fury of thunder and lightning.

Kaoru saw me frowning and turned to look.

"Something wrong, Sano?" he asked quietly.

"I guess not," I muttered, watching as the man found himself a table. He movements were slow, but his stride was long and smooth. He had long black hair, worn pulled back.

I pulled my eyes away. His was a heavy presence, but not in any way my business unless he became a threat. And I wasn't getting that from him, so…

"Sano?"

Kaoru was staring hard at me, and I felt a little pulse of what was probably similar irritation that I had probably made Shino feel earlier that morning. "I don't have a fever, Kaoru."

He took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks letting it out. "Well, I certainly hope not. Seeing your wife lose her temper once was quite enough in one lifetime."

I grinned. "I don't know. Sometimes she awfully cute on those rare occasions she gets mad."

He snorted. "You only enjoy it when she gets on Rei-baba's case for calling you a moron."

"Well, it's about time someone was on my side!"

Kaoru shook his head. "You've been really good for that girl, Sano."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "She's just…stronger. When she fights for you, it's like she's a different person."

I was too full to fidget, so I just rubbed the back of my head instead. "Yeah, well…it's in her…"

There was a banging noise, and then a shout. Kaoru and I turned, in time to see that stranger stand, lifting a small boy up with him by his arm.

"Oh, no," Kaoru murmured, recognizing the kid. Ichigo…one of Dai's group.

"Excuse us!" Kaoru said loudly at the man.

Ichigo's eyes swung toward us, his mouth dropping open wide. "Erm…h-hello, Kamiya-san, Sano…"

"Hello nothing," I said. "What have you done? Pickpocketing again?"

He looked at the ground, fidgeting. "I'm sorry."

"You'll be even more sorry when I tell Dai what you've done."

"No, please, Sano! Don't tell him!"

"Dai doesn't like thieves in his group," I said.

"I…I know. I'm really sorry. I'll never do it again, so please don't tell, Dai-sama, Sano! He'll kick me out of the gang!"

"Ichigo, you don't need to steal or trick people any more!" Kaoru gritted sternly. "You have a home now. Why would you do this?"

His eyes found something more interesting to look at on the ground again. "I have to keep my skill sharp," he murmured.

"Skills?" Kaoru snorted, extracting the boy's hand from the stranger's grasp. "You will march your rear end straight to the dojo and wait for me there. We'll have a long talk. If you're not there when I come, we'll let Dai deal with you."

Eyes wide, Ichigo fled the Akabeko. He'd go to the dojo. Anything, so long as his lord didn't hear about his crime.

"We're really sorry," Kaoru was apologizing to the stranger.

I turned to see his face clearly for the first time. Familiarity tugged at my brain, but I was sure I'd never seen him--or anyone like him--before. He wasn't that striking, just a bit dark and sad in the eyes.

He nodded at Kaoru, not looking like he was going to say anything more.

Later I'd think about that moment. If I hadn't gone to Tokyo that day, if I hadn't brought Kaoru with me, if Ichigo hadn't tried to pick the man's pocket, if Kaoru had just known when to keep his mouth _shut_…then maybe I could have avoided him entirely…he might have passed us by. Maybe…

"I'm Kamiya Kaoru and this is Sagara Sanosuke-san," Kaoru said amiably. "The little boy was Ichigo. I hope you can forgive him. He's picked up some bad habits growing up on the streets, but we've been trying to teach him some manners."

"Yes…it is all right, there's no harm done," the stranger said. He wasn't exactly friendly, but trying to be polite.

"I'm glad you're so understanding…?" I had half-turned to head back to my table and my meal as Kaoru prompted the man for his name.

The answer almost made me fall flat on my face.

"It's quite all right, really, Kamiya-san. I am Enishi. Yukishiro Enishi."

I turned around very slowly, whatever conversation Kaoru was still carrying on with the stranger drowned out by a powerful beating against my eardrums. My blood had turned into winter rainwater.

Enishi…

Enishi?

_Enishi?_

How? How could that be? But he _wasn't _Yukishiro Enishi. Didn't look anything like him. Well, maybe a bit in the cheekbones, but…

Suddenly it was very hard to breath. God, this was worse than two years ago when Shino whispered "Tomoe" in her sleep.

He wasn't Enishi. He wasn't Enishi because he was Tomoe. He was Kenshin's Tomoe. He was Yukishiro Tomoe's twin. He was alive in this world.

His parents must have already had the name Enishi picked out for a son or something…chances were he might have a little sister named Tomoe, the twin of the Enishi back in my world.

I could have started laughing. This world was going to kill me yet… Bad for the heart. Yes, very, very, very bad for the heart…

"Sano!"

Kaoru clutched my shoulder. "Are you all right? I knew there was something wrong! You do have a fever, don't you? Shino's going to--"

"I don't have a fever, Kaoru!" I choked out.

His fingers touched my forehead. He frowned. "You don't," he confirmed. "But then, what's wrong with--?"

"Excuse me?" Yukishiro said politely. "But did you mention Shino? I'm looking for a woman named Himura Shino."

There was such a high and hopeful note as he spoke Shino's name, so I guess Kaoru didn't think anything of it as he turned and opened his mouth--until my hand came down on his shoulder.

Without guilt, I listened to his bones creak and watched his face go white. "My friend refers to Sagara Shino--my wife," I said tightly. "S'cuse us. Sorry again about the boy. We'll have a talk with him. Come on, Kaoru."

I nearly dragged him outside, though he was more than willing to walk, to get away from the pressure I was still putting on his shoulder. "You're hurting me, Sano," he gritted.

Once we were back in the sunshine, I let him go. "Sorry," I said, without meaning it.

"What was that all about?" he demanded, gripping his shoulder. I imagined there'd quite a bruise there later. "One hell of an attack of jealousy, or what?"

"Kaoru, listen," I said as evenly as I could. "You stay away from that man."

He blinked, looking back at the Akabeko. "Why? Is he with Horibuchi or something?"

I shuddered, once again seeing my Jou-chan in Kaoru, thrust through with Enishi's sword. I couldn't stop the old horror from flowing over me. _It wasn't real_, but it still freaking _hurt _like it was real.

I swallowed carefully. "He…I don't think he's with Horibuchi. Stay away from him anyway. In fact…in fact, will you get Ichigo and stay with Rei-baba and the kids tonight? That way you can bring them back to the dojo with you for their class tomorrow."

"But, I--"

"_Please_, Kaoru."

"Sano, what is--"

"I don't know! I don't know anything, yet. I've got to talk to Shino. Please, Kaoru, just listen to me."

He studied my face for just a second, still rubbing his shoulder. "All right, Sano."

"Good. Come on."

I took off for the dojo, with him just a step or two behind me. "I just remembered something."

"What?"

"We forgot to pay our bill."

Well, _damn_.

* * *

Dai was the first to greet us as we passed into the glade where the old lady kept her home.

The hut looked strange now, the old moss-covered place connected with a newer part with two new rooms for the boys to share.

The leader of them glared at Ichigo, who hunched his shoulders guiltily. "Where have you been?"

"Ichigo was helping me out with a few chores, Dai-kun," Kaoru said smoothly. "Do you know where Shino is?"

Dai frowned, looking over his shoulder. "Shin, where are you?"

I was almost light-headed with relief when Shino's head poked out door. I hadn't expected anything different, but still…she was all right. And she'd _stay _that way.

I almost ran to her. She knew something was wrong the moment she laid eyes on me, so I didn't bother to hide it. I pulled her to me. There was a lot of honeysuckle mixed in with her usual scent today.

"_Mendo_, what's wrong?"

"We have to go home. We have to talk about something. Right now. Okay?"

"O-okay."

"Then will you come back and explain things to me? I tired of being left in the dark," Kaoru grumbled behind me.

"All right, Kaoru."

I wanted to go home for the privacy we wouldn't get if we stayed at Rei's with two curious adults and half a dozen children listening at the walls or behind the trees. But I also knew Shino felt secure there. Maybe I did too.

One usually makes tea when going into a long discussion, but I didn't have the patience or the concentration for it. Setting Shino down, I blurted, "How did you get that scar on your face?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't this.

"I'll tell you how Kenshin got his," I said quickly, hoping to make it easier for her. The scar on her face was a sore, sore spot for her. We still did that "healing touch" every night like our own personal ritual, and I knew very well the look in her eyes every time I touched that one.

I told her about Kenshin scar…on his left cheek instead of on the right like hers. I told the story just as he told it to me, almost word for word, watching her face for reaction.

It remained blank, and that could mean any number of things. Like shortly after she found out I was from another world, and I'd told her all about Kenshin at her insistence. The Bakamatsu and his legend as a hitokiri. I wished she had told me how she felt about that, knowing there were parts of her capable of doing the things Kenshin had done and could do.

She wouldn't, but it did help that she liked Kenshin. She asked me to tell her stories of our time together often, and smiling fondly at my memories like I was telling her about a long-lost brother she'd never known. I was relieved, that she still liked him…if she didn't feel badly toward him for the things he had done, might that mean that Kenshin didn't feel badly toward himself, and Shino didn't feel badly toward herself?

"Tomoe married him?" she asked softly when I ran out of words.

It was several steps back, but that had come as a surprise the first time I heard it as well.

"Did you know a Tomoe?" I said slowly.

"Yes."

"And Enishi?"

"Yes. Sano…why?"

"Because Kaoru and I met Yukishiro Enishi at the Akabeko today."

There was a long moment of silence neither of us were sure how to get past.

"The Enishi I met was the twin of the Tomoe back in my world. The woman my friend married. He asked about you. He heard Kaoru say your name and asked about you. If he wasn't connected to my friend's wife, I think I might still be putting him out of my misery right now. But I also didn't know if he was a threat to you. So tell me something…did you get your scars any way similar to the way Kenshin got his?"

Her mouth opened, and then slowly shut again. Her damn hair was over her eyes, I couldn't tell her expression.

I took a deep breath, reaching deep down to dredge up patience. "Listen to me, _Shiden_. I know I'm treading in a place I've been carefully avoiding since I met you. But Enishi hurt us badly. There is very, very little that can touch Kenshin, but Enishi got right to his core. He was almost destroyed. The kid and I had to bury someone we loved…or thought we did… I was losing my mind…

"I'm not going to pretend I don't know that it was because of Tomoe, in one way or another, that we were able to pull ourselves together and make things right again, but I do also know that she went after Kenshin once. He met her because she was after his life for killing her fiancé. She obviously changed her mind, but I also know most men aren't as soft-hearted as women. And I can't go through it again, _Koishii_. Not another crazy revenge.

"So I need to know. I need you to tell me whether or not I need to be worried about something bad happening. I need to know what I need to do to protect you, and Kaoru and Rei and the boys. Because if you don't tell me something, I'm going to do something crazy. Like go -find-that-guy-again-crazy, or drag-you-all-on-a-boat-and-see-what-the-mirror-China-looks-like-crazy. Are you understanding me here?"

She nodded slowly and I dragged up more patience, knowing what certain red-heads are like when they're trying to gather their thoughts.

After another moment, she let out a long breath. "You know…those things that you and Kaoru and Rei-baba are always trying to change about me?"

I nodded, wondering idly if she could see it underneath her hair.

"I used to be worse."

"Worse," I repeated dully.

"Yes. I should make some tea, Sano. It's going to be a long story, and I think I'll get thirsty."

The sense of déjà vu nearly made me dizzy. How similar this seemed to be, when Kenshin once sat and poured out his history. He talked so long and got thirsty then, too, and ran out of breath. And he hadn't smiled for a long, long time after.

I nodded and she got up to prepare it. There wasn't a trace of a wind anywhere, and I cursed myself for not approaching this sooner. But the truth was, I _didn't _want to go through it again. Kept my mind from it, slapped away the parts of me that wondered, that were curious. Now it was about to come undone whether I wanted it to or not.

I listened to the sounds of Shino making tea, ran a hand through my hair.

_Kenshin…I got through all of this with you. I can't possibly be any worse, can it? Things aren't exactly the same, but I kind of know what to expect this time around, right? Right…Kenshin?_

* * *

Author's note:

_I have some of the most awesome reviewers ever, but this story seems to make some of them a little bit anxious._

_So to help ease things just a little, I'm going to let you know what to expect for the next chapter. Next time, we delve deeply into Shino's past, find out what it was like to grow up a slave in the Horibuchi mansion, what she was doing for the nineteen years after that before she met Sano. This includes meeting this world's version of Yukishiro Enishi and Tomoe._

_On a less tense note, Sano is also about to find out that no matter how complete he thinks he is, something more can always be added._

_Don't how much that helped, but I hope it did._

_Also: Just as when my cousin wanted a nickname for Sano to give to Shino, she wanted Shino to have one for him too. She decided she liked "_Mendo_" which means "trouble" or "complications". So Shino has nicknamed Sanosuke "Trouble."_

_My cousin thinks it's cute. (-shrug-)_


	15. Final Interlude: The Last Visit Home

Final Interlude  
The Last Visit Home

I visited home just once, before I came back for good.

I'll admit…I went to see Kenshin, mostly. I was aching to see everyone else as well, but it was for him that I braved that uncertain journey back.

I'd promised them I'd come back, after all. Meant to go back a lot sooner, but…things happened.

I was late, but I made it. In the fall just after I turned forty.

I was half-afraid they wouldn't know me. Scared I had changed too much. But when I passed the open gates, and saw Jou-chan standing outside, swinging her shinai around…

For a moment it was…almost like I…had never left…

Then she turned to face me, saw me standing there.

Jou-chan…she hadn't changed all that much. She'd grown out a lot more, her hair a bit longer, with just three or four noticeable strands of white--which I made a mental note to tease her about later.

And she knew me. Without a skipped beat, or look of confusion her eyes flew open wide before she dropped the shinai on the ground and was running toward me, yelling my name loud enough to announce my arrival to all of the dojo. I grinned and ran out to meet her.

She crashed into me, a death grip going around my neck. I squeezed back, then picked her up around the waist and spun her around, our laughter mingling together on the autumn wind until it brought the sounds of footsteps with it.

The door of the house was thrown open, and there stood a strong-featured man in his early thirties with a very familiar-looking sword at his side. All the same, those simple observations didn't quite hide from me the little brat I'd once known and teased.

Yahiko lingered in the doorway a moment, looking stunned until he finally moved toward us. Nobody spoke as he approached, and he looked uncertain, like he wasn't sure how to greet me. A feeling, to be honest, I reciprocated. Though I could see the shadow of the brat still, he was not the boy I had left behind twenty-one years ago.

There was only a few seconds' more of indecision before his features softened in an "ah, hell with it" kind of way, and at the same moment, we pulled together for a hug.

"Where the hell have you been, Rooster Head?" he demanded when we let go.

"_Very _far away," I said.

Kaoru punched me, hard, in the arm. "Jerk! Twenty years and not one word! Not one damn word from you!" Her eyes misted dangerously. "Sano, do you have any idea how worried--"

I pulled her into another one-armed hug. A younger me might have done the same, and offered a sheepish grin or excuses in an appeal for mercy the same way he had bummed free meals and such in those days.

But I guess…I guess I was getting tired by then. I only said, "Forgive me, Jou-chan." And I meant it. I didn't want her to be upset because I had been away so long. I wished she hadn't had to worry, whether I was okay, dead or alive, or hurt or hungry or cold or jailed or anything else that might have brushed her worrywart imagination.

She seemed surprised, and even Yahiko was blinking at me, like he was trying to figure out just what had changed.

And then…there was Kenshin.

He came from the door Yahiko had left open. He moved slowly, looked like one of his knees bothered him when he walked. I wondered if it was from some injury he got while I was away, or if his joints had finally begun to give out on him.

I noticed the his legs first, anyway, because…just at first…I was afraid to look above his shoulders. What of it him I could see with my dropped eyes…it had already begun to hurt like hell.

He came to join us, walking with that light limp, and finally I looked up into his face, my heart speeding up.

An apprehension I had been trying to ignore faded back slightly when I looked on him. I could have even laughed. It had been over two decades since I last saw him--and the man was pushing fifty for crying out loud!--but he still almost didn't look any different than when I had slapped hands with him on the dock all those years before.

The biggest difference was that he had cut his hair, and the red, shoulder-length stuff was just a little bit lighter than it had been the last time I'd seen him.

The smile on his face showed many things. His joy, his relief, and the warmth, drawn together by the vaguest of crow's feet at the corners of his eyes.

Then his hands reached out, and the fear came back.

I was doing fine when he hugged me, though. At least I got that far. Just…thank God he didn't smell like sandalwood. He had a woody kind scent of his own, but it was more masculine and earthy.

I was still fine when I put my arms around him too.

"I have missed you, my friend," he said, voice strained with emotion.

And then…it happened. It just…happened. With no warning whatever, no warning _whatever_, I just…

I could feel the tears rolling down my face, and my shoulders trembling, but I still felt detached, somehow outside my body. I was conscious mostly of a mild amazement, one that was reflected in Kenshin's eyes when he pushed away from me a little to look at my face, realizing there was something wrong.

"Sano? Sano, are you all right?" he said, truly alarmed.

I heard the other two express their concern as well--heard that they spoke, but not really what they said. I couldn't see anything but Kenshin, whom I hadn't quite let go. And in him…

Kenshin's hands came up to press against my shoulders, as if he hoped that might steady me, but it only made things worse.

He looked like her. He looked like her! _He looked like her!_

With that, just as suddenly as I had been detached, I was back inside my body, hot and shaking, feeling the iron core dissolve in my tears.

_Why? _I thought desperately, unable to make it stop, unable to understand. I knew how much it might hurt, coming back, but I had never, never imagined this kind of reaction.

My strength gave out on me completely, and I began sinking to my knees. I let go of Kenshin quickly, so I wouldn't drag him down with me. He surprised me by holding onto _me_, lowering himself to the ground with me.

He moved to sit down beside me, slipped his arms around my shoulders, and I twisted my hands in clothes buried my face in the fabric, feeling like a little boy, lost and uncertain and desperately wanting this comfort he was offering, my pride crushed to dust and swept under a rock somewhere.

He didn't speak, just holding me together. I felt another hand touch me, probably Kaoru's, but he made a soft, negating noise at her and it withdrew. A few moments later, I heard a door open and softly slide shut. Kenshin had sent the other two away.

Back then, I was too distraught to examine my feelings on that, but he'd been wise to do so. It was humiliating enough breaking down like that in front of ones I cared about, let alone riding it out in front of all of them.

Kenshin stayed, though. Kenshin had a way of not making you feel ashamed. Or at least, he had a way of letting you know _he _wasn't ashamed of you. If you were ashamed of yourself, well…that was different.

A good ten minutes later found me still sitting in the same spot, but now with my face burning, eyes pressed against my fists, elbows on my knees. Kenshin still had an arm around me.

"I'm sorry," I said after a time. Sorry for what exactly, I wasn't certain.

"No need to be, Sano," Kenshin said softly. "This one, too, has had to bleed his wounds."

I looked up when he said this. That wasn't such a good idea just yet, maybe, because when I did, he seemed to study my face…and whatever he saw made his own crumble.

And he looked so…so hurt. Pain spreading across his face, in those large violet eyes. Just like she had looked once.

It was almost enough to break me again, and I turned away from him, digging my fists into my eyes.

"Sano," Kenshin said, squeezing my shoulder. "What has happened?"

I needed a moment before I could answer, and he gave it to me without complaint.

When I could speak again, all I said was, "My wife."

There was no need to say more. Not to him.

He was quiet for another moment before I heard him say, very, very softly, "Sano, I am so sorry."

Coming from anyone else, that might have been very empty sentiment. But from him… Well, I had not forgotten who I was talking to, and how many kinds of pain he had known. He knew what it was like to lose a wife. Technically, he knew what it was like to lose Kaoru.

"I came back to tell you," I blurted, raising my eyes to look at him. "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. For Rakuninmura. For not understanding, not really, how you felt…for what I said, and for punching you. Because I understand now…understanding what it likes to want to…want to just…"

"Sano."

I was surprised when Kenshin lifted up a face cloth and quietly swabbed my wet face and the nose I hadn't noticed was so abundantly running.

It was a kind gesture by itself, but I could see what he was thinking from his sad smile.

Again I remembered, when I was nineteen, when we'd survived that shipwreck, how Kenshin was weak when he first woke up, and I had wiped his face for him after a messy sneeze.

He looked me in the eyes…and suddenly it was okay. He was…Kenshin. Himself. He wasn't…wasn't her. It stopped hurting so much to look at him. And I heard everything he'd just said to me without using any word other than my name.

"Thanks, Big Brother," I said.

"Always…Little Brother."

I would go back in a couple of weeks…because there were still reasons for me to stay in the mirror world. So that would be the last time I saw Kenshin and Kaoru.

But until then…Kenshin and I finally got off the ground and went back inside. There were several uncomfortable, uncertain moments (what could they think to do with me after I'd shown up after twenty-one years and then _cried_, anyway?) before I remembered to provoke Kaoru about those silver hairs, successfully stumbling onto what was taboo and finding myself being chased around the house by an "aging" woman with a shinai. Our laughter from then still rings somewhere in the chambers of my heart. It was like I had never left at all. Like I had always been there…

And I was. In many ways.

Later I met Kenshin's kid, who was, as far as I was ever able to see, just a slightly less polite version of himself. Good kid, though…I wish I could have been around…

…but I had good reasons not to be.

Kenshin didn't ask me anything more about my wife, and didn't mention her to the others. I'm glad because…by then I couldn't even say her name. I could only hold her face in my memory. I could remember the way her voice sounded, the tones and textures for each emotion, and all the things she had said. I could remember the way her skin felt, could name the place of every scar I brushed my lips against on her body, and every place on me she had touched.

But I couldn't say her name. Her precious name, held close and still shielding something within me she had fought so hard to protect while she was still alive.

It's strange…but that's how it was. I never told anyone about her…

My Shino.

* * *

Author's note:

_Once more, not really a chapter, but something Sano just wanted to remember. He agrees this will be the last one. The next true chapter is nearly finished and will be up soon._


	16. Remembrance Part 1

13  
Remembrance, Part One

The little girl had never been in a multi-storied, western mansion before. The lower floors seemed so busy.

The gnarled old woman had led--or perhaps "dragged" was a better word--her through a back way, where there was a long hall with modest though strange western doorways, complete with brass knobs and hinges.

Shino was small, and the old woman was much, much taller, yanking her arm as she walked along and making the little girl have to take long, running steps on her toes. She almost couldn't hold onto the quilt she had wrapped around her, her only modesty.

Tears had dried on her face. Not from the fear of not knowing what was going to happen next, though there was that. It was not from being so hungry, either. To that, she was well-used.

It was because of the pink, raw flesh of the brand, rubbing against the roughness of the bedcover she clutched with her only free hand at her chest.

Marked merchandise, a brand, and a new name.

New everything.

Another turn of the corridor and she smelled food, and also heard the clinking, clattering, and sloshing noises of a number of people eating. The old woman smacked open a door, which had already been slightly ajar, and Shino found herself at the end of a long room equipped as a refectory.

The table was surrounded by twenty-odd women, a few dressed for day, but most of them in a state of dishabille that made the child not feel quite so ashamed for having nothing to wear but a blanket.

A couple of the women near the end of the table caught sight of them hovering in the doorway, and without bothering for grace got up and walked over.

She shrank back a little from their purposeful strides, but there was no getting her arm free from the old woman's hand.

She had been through this enough times before, and tried to keep still, hoping it would go more easily for her this time.

Their hands, though were still rough as they examined her. "Too young yet, but not bad at all," one said with interest. "Very good skin and a pretty face. She'll do fine, in a few years."

The larger woman put a hand to Shino's chest, and one on her back, pressing hard enough to make the little girl grunt softly. "Strong, but doesn't look like she's going to get very big."

"Look at this hair. Lovely, isn't it? Ought to scratch out her eyes for it--"

* * *

"What the hell were they doing!" I interrupted, outraged.

"Sano--"

"They were talking about you like you were a piece of horseflesh!"

Sighing lightly, she scooted a little closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. One of her little hands slide up my back and into my hair, stroking a special spot behind my ear that even I hadn't known was there before her surprisingly talented fingers had one day found it.

It was one of those spots. Everyone has one, I'm told, it's just a matter of finding where. Never really believed I would have a place on me that when touched the right way would bleed ire right out of me and have me purring like cat.

I cracked one eye open to try to glare at her and failed miserably.

* * *

It seemed the master of the house made a tidy profit in slave turnovers. Children like Shino were often bought and brought in by him and kept on until they were old enough to go on to other places. This provided him with a never-ending stream of servants, and others with their hands in the business had their pick at their leisure of that continuous stream as they came of an age.

Shino may have been meant for the unsavory sort of life that the older ladies were suggesting for her if it had not been for the master's eye constantly falling on her.

Like some sort of ornament, Horibuchi Renzo dressed her well and kept moving her duties further and further into the mansion, having her serve when he entertained guests, liking for her to be seen. He followed her when he caught her running errands, asking nonsense questions just to have something to say to her.

She began to grow very nervous in his presence, tried not to be caught alone in empty rooms and corridors.

There was no help to be found in this, though. She was encouraged by the older servants not to speak at all except when absolutely necessary, and punishments were so severe that she soon became afraid to speak at all. So nervous did she become in those few necessary times for speaking, she developed a speech impediment.

* * *

"Wait a minute. You got so afraid to talk, you actually stuttered?"

She smiled slightly. "I told you I used to be worse."

"Worse…" I repeated emptily. "You little sneak, you're sugar-coating this!"

"Now, what could make you say that? Sano, you second-guess me a lot because you knew someone who was very much like me before you met me. Most of the time, this is okay. Easier for me, even. But did you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, it's not I who is like Kenshin, but Kenshin who is like me?"

This threw me off enough to forget being angry--at anyone.

But only for a moment. Shino was as good a storyteller as Kenshin, able to evoke clear images of what she remembered, but this wasn't exactly a storybook pleasure. I felt angry and helpless, like I was seeing it all and not being able to do anything against all of these injustices.

"I wish I'd been there," I growled.

She raised her eyebrows. "It's good that you weren't."

"What?"

"At the start, you wouldn't have been born yet. By the end, you would have been only five years old."

"I was really tough for a five-year-old!" I snapped foolishly, turning my reddened face away from my wife so I wouldn't see how hard she was fighting a smile.

* * *

Shino was only able to avoid Renzo for as long as he let her. And he did, for a while. Maybe out of some kind of self-control, or hoping whatever stirrings he felt for her might wear off.

Whatever the reason, she spent perhaps a year working in his home without too much of an incident involving him.

She was so small that they felt it a good idea to let her sleep in a closet near the kitchen so that she would be nearby to start the fires in the mornings. She found this so much better than the idea of sharing the servants' quarters, that she kept to her closest even when she grew enough for it to become cramped and uncomfortable.

It was nice to have a place all her own. She had nothing and kept nothing of any value there, so it just remained a disinteresting little closest where she curled up to sleep at night. But it was hers. That was enough.

The days, though, were different. Then is when she was most reminded that her entire person always belonged to someone else. This was the most apparent when she was given the duty of bringing Renzo's tea to him every day.

When she was very little, he would only touch her on the head, enjoying the look and feel of her unusual hair. Then, as she got just a little older, his touches would grow bolder. He would send her back from the room with a pat on the bottom, or his hands would linger on her shoulders as took back up the serving tray.

This didn't help her nervousness or deteriorating verbal skills that had by now nearly rendered her mute. The man frightened her. She didn't like the way his breathing changed when she was around. Didn't like the feel of his hands on her.

It could only get worse. Shino turned thirteen, and Horibuchi Renzo had grown so bold as to take her into his lap when she served him every day. At first, only when they were alone.

It was around the time she might have been sold, but still he kept her back. Then, papers were drawn up for his permanent ownership of her.

He was going to keep her.

On one hand, it was seemed a good thing to stay where she was, where she knew her duties, the routines, and the people above her…

On the other hand…

The night of the day Renzo signed the papers, he took Shino, now his and solely his, into his bedroom and--

* * *

I _ached _inside, as she stopped talking very suddenly, face going white. I'm not certain which of us moved first, whether she jumped into me or whether I grabbed her up--or perhaps it was both at once.

However she got there, she was in my arms. I squeezed tightly, feeling the clench of her jaw as she gritted her teeth, the warmth of her tears.

I had already gone through my anger for knowing this once. Had vented it up and down Seiji's face back in the western parts of Tokyo.

But there's always room for more. It's _my _heart, after all.

Can't get revenge against a man who's already dead, so I tried my best to let it flow away, to just comfort my wife as best I could. Wishing whatever scent I had was as good at hers at soothing anguished thoughts. Murmuring nonsense things I hoped were comforting.

I felt awful. Like this storytelling so far had been a mistake. Detailed at first, like the wonders of newness from a child's memory, she had become more and more detached from it as she went along. Probably the way she had survived living it, by being disconnected. Anticipating an insalubrious future, probably getting clouted every time she dared to open her mouth, and…and--

And if he was still alive, I'd--!

_I_ was making her remember all this. This was precisely why I'd been polite enough about it all this time, just leaving it alone. Taking what I knew about Kenshin and about Shino and making my guesses, and living with them. Could have continued living on just fine that way, but no…

Damn Enishi. Both of them. Any of them. All of them! Whether this one I'd just met deserved it or not, Tomoe's twin or whatever, damn him anyway.

Sorry, Kenshin, but it _hurt _her! All that healing-touch all this time, and we just reopened a whole passel of wounds, and we hadn't even gotten to the Yukishiro parts yet. If she started stuttering again or something, _somebody _was going to pay.

* * *

Shino's status adjusted, in some ways for the better…in some ways not. Duties got lighter, and she was made to abandon her closet for a small but real room near Horibuchi Renzo's young son, Seiji.

Most of her work now centered around the boy, tagging along with him wherever he went and seeing to his needs. Renzo was never far away.

Seiji took too much of an interest in his new red-headed servant as well. But he was a wealthy man's son and could do no wrong. He ran wild, actually _trying _to get Shino into trouble for his misdeeds for his amusement. Only, it seemed she could no longer do any wrong either.

Any more beatings she might have gotten from the other servants virtually vanished in light of her importance to the master.

* * *

"Beatings," I repeated, deadpan.

Telling her story now curled up in my lap with a cheek pressed again my chest, she murmured, "Let it go for now, Sano. If you're to interrupt every time you hear of an unfairness, I'll never be finished."

"Unfairness". That's all, huh? Right.

* * *

The winter of Shino's fourteenth year was one that was one heavy with snow.

Shino was attending Seiji as he played in the snow, keeping an eye on him, straitening up anything he ruined or knocked over as he tore around the garden, destroying the fresh blanket of white that had lain over everything since the night before.

The river that ran through the garden had a single bridge built over it. There was no problem with him running back and forth across the bridge, at least not at first.

It seemed whomever had been in charge of spreading sand across the frozen wood to make the footing better had missed a few spots.

Shino had not been far behind when the boy's racing sandals found one of these missed ice patches, but she was too far to stop him from slipping, from falling, and from sliding under the bridge's wooden railings and falling right into the river.

The girl, of course (of _course_), jumped in after him.

The water was cold, so shockingly cold that she couldn't move or think for several long moments before she began to force herself to do both.

The water was swollen and clogged with snow and ice. Seiji, when he had gotten his head above water, had at first howled his head off, which got the attention of some others working around the frozen garden, but then his breath broke off into hitches.

Like her own as she swam toward him. The water wasn't in a rage, but it was sweeping them further away from the garden and from help.

She reached him, grasping him with fingers that wouldn't close. He wrapped his arm around her neck, fouling her swimming, almost dragging them both under, but she managed to keep them both up.

There were shouts, people pointing, but nobody seemed to have gathered wits enough to come up with a way to help.

A tree with branches encased in ice, a low limb heavy with snow had dipped down into the water. Drawing on all her strength, Shino forced herself toward it, managed to grasp it.

Her hands were frozen, didn't want to close, to grasp the tree branch. Seiji's body was so heavy around her neck, and the ice did nothing to help her failing grip.

Somehow she held on, and, trusting the boy to keep a grip on her by himself, took her other arm off him and grasped the branch with both hands.

She made slow, laborious progress, dragging them both up that tree branch. The further they were both lifted out of the water, the harder it became.

Finally some people had arrived to help, if you could call it that. Only slaves, they weren't as willing as Shino to jump into a freezing river to save their bratty young master.

They waited until Shino had dragged herself close enough for them to catch hold of her and pull them onto the bank.

* * *

"My _shiden-me_," I said softly into her hair. "I think you've probably grown up in the company of the worst people who ever lived."

She chuckled. "Coming from you, that must really mean something."

"Hey? What's that supposed to mean?"

"N-nothing, Sano."

"Why you little--" I squeezed her. She laughed. Beautiful, beautiful laughter.

"Now, be good, Sano. I can't tell the story if I can't breathe."

"Fine. What happened then?"

She shifted herself more comfortably on my lap, looking thoughtful. "It took a few days to recover from that. Seiji pulled out of a high fever, and seemed no worse for the wear. When I was strong again, Horibuchi-sama called me to him…"

* * *

Shino found her master in his study, sitting at his heavy desk.

Renzo stared at her from under heavy eyebrows for a moment. Then he just said, "You saved my son's life."

Not a question, not something that really needed response. Not exactly a thank-you, either. Just a statement.

Shino nodded, eyes on the floor.

He stood up from his desk, circling it slowly until he came to a stop in front of her.

She was so afraid of him, tensed but not going to reject his touch. She had learned better than that a long time ago.

Only he didn't touch her. Not this time.

"I'm sending you from here," he said with a heavy air of finality. "You'll leave in the morning. I will provide you with some supplies and funds and you can go home, or to anywhere you would like. You are no longer a servant here."

He left her then, standing shocked in the study. He had just set her free.

* * *

"All right," I said, more sharply than I meant. "I'm really glad he let you go and all, but am I crazy when I thought you said it was midwinter? He sent you out with nowhere to go in the middle of winter?"

"Yeah," she said simply, like it was no big deal. "That was…a bit difficult to deal with, but as you see, I survived. I was glad, too, Sano. You see, whatever else you might think of him, he was still very grateful I saved his son. He might not have lived since the other slaves were so far away, even if any of them would have been willing to risk their lives to get him out of the river. He knew this.

"He also knew that he couldn't keep his hands from me." A small shudder went through her. A burning one went through me. "He felt it would be poor gratitude if he kept on with his little trysts, so he decided to remove me as a temptation completely. Sending me away seemed the best way to do this."

"But he didn't really set you free," I protested. "He kept the ownership papers."

"Yes. I'm branded, Sano, all slaves are. Once a slave, always a slave. There was never truly a way to set me free. Right now, my owner is you."

I snorted. "You're my wife. If anything, _you _own _me_."

She grinned, as if I'd just said something silly, but I slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her big plum eyes to see into mine. "It's true, _Aka-chan_. You own my happiness. Every last beat of it in my heart."

That was a rather corny thing to say, but she liked it. And I liked putting those honored looks on her face.

Twenty minutes of gradually-heated kissing later, she said, a little breathlessly, "S-Sano, there's more to tell--"

I cut her off again, enjoying how she tasted. Just a little hint of the tea she had barely touched. Very good, very, very good.

"Later," I said. "Right now, I'm busy."

* * *

Author's note:

_Next: Remembrance, part 2._


End file.
